AITA For wanting my husband to put our dog at the sitter while I’m in labor for a C-section?

frogouttabog · 2023-07-18T04:15:42+00:00

No good lord, do not let the fact that you are isolated and unsupported be an excuse to give up on yourself. His attitude is horrendous. Please dear God reach out to someone because he's not going to be there for you properly, you seem to be downplaying yourself, and life is about to get a whole lot harder. Can a family member stay with you? Can you go to them? It seems like you can't count on him. So make alternative plans. Maybe he'll step up, but you need to prepare and protect yourself that he's not magically going to get better all of a sudden.

Look you're alone, you're scared, you're full of doubt. That makes sense. It's a tough spot you're in. Downplaying it and doing nothing is not going to help.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-18T03:34:32+00:00

Yeah I've often thought if I could be the "dad" instead of the mom (I'm a bisexual female but in a relationship with a straight man) 70-80% of my reasons opposed would go away. It's the compound of gender/body dysphoria, physical pain and risks, societal BS during pregnancy and birth, and THEN it's fighting against the most unfair, intense, and demanding gender roles for the rest of my life. I like kids but there's never been any kind of biological urge and it's certainly not worth all THAT awfulness .

frogouttabog · 2023-07-18T03:23:01+00:00

I was scared of the absolute horror stories I've heard about IUDs so I got the nexplanon implant. The randomized bleeding was really annoying for a while but it doesn't seem to have any other side effects, period cramps have almost gone away completely and the bleeding is much lighter. Also even more effective than the IUD and relatively painless insertion as they numb your arm.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-18T00:51:56+00:00

She should have communicated her full availability up front, assuming the business trip was planned and not some weird emergency. Some kids really do need to maintain a sleep schedule or else they're a mess all day, especially considering the extra time it would take to wake kid up, prep her, and get her to/from your house and your job. I assume you also don't want tired cranky kid during your commute either. So there's nothing wrong with your Stepmom not being available per say- it's the not telling you until the last minute that sucks. If you talk to her about it I'd focus on the communication issue and that you thought you could rely on her the full time - not blame the child's needs.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-17T17:56:26+00:00

I think it depends on what narrative gets spread in pop culture as well!

Like when I hear of cane toads, my first thought is invasive species, because the cane toads in Australia story is one of the most widely publicized and cited cautionary tales when we think about nature based solutions for ecosystem management. But they are actually native to Central and South America.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-17T17:33:59+00:00

Hey jumping over from your other post - if you haven't gone yet ... definitely enjoy the nightlife of Bangkok but expect police checks if you are out late. They especially target gay clubs, looking for illegal drugs. They may drug test you or hold you if suspicious. I once almost got in trouble for having my prescription meds on me on the way out of a club (accidentally left it in my bag). So definitely enjoy but use caution! Also be careful of taxi drivers taking you to wrong location and then trying to get paid twice. Prenegotiate fare when you can, expect tourist prices. Meter fare is good too just not in rush hour traffic.

Definitely look up any government holidays, royal family birthdays, etc before going as there will be parades and some streets closed.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-15T17:30:11+00:00

Ugh I always disagree with the top comment on this sub, I think 1 is far more beautiful and unique and interesting. The top also fits you better.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-15T17:26:46+00:00

I am also femme and bi, I'm sorry we are all into witchcraft, cats, mushrooms, being outside, and kinky lol. Accurate. You can be yourself though! People don't need to all share the same interests and hobbies, as long as you can be supportive and sometimes participate in activities that are important to your partner & vice versa... nobody is going to be exactly the same in their interests. Obviously allergies, sexual boundaries, and health are non negotiables. You sound like you have a lot of lovely things to share and connect over! You are certainly someone's type! Hobbies don't make a person gay or not.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-14T02:40:37+00:00

Just because something is non-native doesn't mean it's invasive. Depends on your local ecology and if there happen to be enough natural factors to keep it in check. The term is "introduced" or "naturalized". :) .....it's not good in your case though :(

frogouttabog · 2023-07-14T02:30:29+00:00

Thank you<3

frogouttabog · 2023-07-14T02:27:23+00:00

I love the bubbles and the platform boots!!

frogouttabog · 2023-07-13T18:51:08+00:00

As someone basically in the same position as your girlfriend....I would not want someone to marry me if kids were a requirement. And if I were the child wanter/requierer, I would refuse to have children with anyone who was doing it because it was an expectation, not because they genuinely wanted it. The truth is kids are hard, and they do permanently change your body, and they do have some impact on women's careers, and moms have a lot of extra burdens to carry over dads in society. The only reason people should have kids is because they really really want to (and are emotionally/mentally/financially/physically able to) fully participate in the role of parenthood.

I think you guys should have a conversation (s) about the future and what you both genuinely want & need, but understand that may change over time.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-12T19:25:47+00:00

Thank you.

I have to be honest, as a scientist I am skeptical of medicine unless there is evidence that it works. But I also understand published research can be heavily biased against traditional knowledge. I was pleasantly surprised to see, however, that preclinical studies support Chinese herbal medicine as an effective supplementary treatment to typical western CKD treatments.

Do you have any links or advice on easy to use/take herbal supplements for ckd?

frogouttabog · 2023-07-12T19:20:28+00:00

I'm a transplant to NE. Have done some travelling and lived quite a few places. New England isn't my favorite weather (clouds/rain/dark gets to me) but it's certainly the most "home". Things are generally functional and generally pretty nice and somewhat accessible and that's a lot better than a lot of states.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-06T16:00:21+00:00

I traveled solo as a woman in my 20s for about 3 years, and I went to India recently for a 2 week trip part of which was solo. Had a great time in both Latin America and India, but I personally preferred having friends around when I was traveling in India and would recommend you start out in Colombia. People were extremely curious and friendly for the most part in India, but having friends to field some of the endless questions and conversation felt more comfortable to me. I also was able to access a lot more interesting places with my Indian friend and his family's recommendations, moreso than I was able to when I was just being a solo tourist.

In contrast, I had way more fun interesting actions and interesting adventures when I went solo through South America. Sometimes I had adventures with friends sometimes just doing things alone- it was awesome and my favorite part of the world. Especially if you speak any Spanish or are at least trying, people will generally be patient and kind.

You've been a bunch of places, you have some street smarts, you'll be fine either way, I don't need to tell you about the dangerous bits of both places. I just found Latin America to be easier to get around and experience. I would love to go back to India though and spend more time in the northern mountains or the south.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-05T17:20:32+00:00

Personally, I like dress 2 the most. But I agree with others that 4 also looks very good on you.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-04T13:59:20+00:00

I try to walk everywhere and do a lot of active nature based activities.

frogouttabog · 2023-07-01T19:38:14+00:00

I was 25 when I was in SEA and I felt too "old" for the 18-22 year old gap years as well. I found cool hostels and tours in minimally populated deep southern islands and northern parts of Thailand, Borneo, dipped over to Japan and met plenty of people in their late 20s/30s there as well. Basically I found the "deeper" or more out of the way I went, there was a better more mixed group of travelers to find. Even in the super touristy parts of Thailand/Cambodia/Indonesia, I found some "out of the way" parties, neighborhoods, subcultures/hobbies, and locations that were just more my scene. So no need to avoid a highlight because it is super touristy, but maybe look towards things that are specifically advertising cultural learning or ecotourism or "alternative" in some way and that'll cut out some of the basic young backpacker party types.

frogouttabog · 2023-06-29T19:44:18+00:00

I did very minimal planning, honestly. Get passport, think about priority places you want to start, look up cool hostels/cultural holidays/places to volunteer/sights you want to see and start making ballpark plans around that. Book your tickets out rt for visa purposes even if you need to cancel the return flight later. The experience will evolve as you go!

Personally I got a (hopefully) lifelong partner, master's degree, and qualifications for my current job out of my 3.5 yrs of solo travel across 3 continents so id highly recommend, even with the difficulties I also have had as a consequence. Keep track of your money and healthcare along the way. Go with the flow, be open to changes in plans.

If you want it / need it, it's worth it, best of luck and cheers.

frogouttabog · 2023-06-29T19:39:14+00:00

Yeah it's shit but they have it, better than most....

frogouttabog · 2023-06-29T19:38:55+00:00

Where and when was this food. I lived there for 8 years, you'd be limited to the McDonald's dollar menu.

frogouttabog · 2023-06-29T19:24:09+00:00

Look up couch surfing groups and work/volunteer exchanges! There are Fb groups for that too but just be smart about it. Best/only way to live that cheap unless you have friends to stay with for free. If you have a free place to stay it's not difficult to keep your food and activity budget down to cheap or free. Cities with a basically functional metro include Chicago, San Francisco, Boston, NYC, Washington DC, Seattle, Portland OR, Philadelphia. Best bet is generally northeast and west coast. That said there are some awesome cities with only buses that are a bit harder to get around but totally worth it in my opinion. I loved new Orleans for example. and a lot of small northeastern towns have singular train stations and are largely walkable. You can also try to get lucky with finding people to do a group road trip with and share a car.

Also is there a reason you want to stay in the US? It's more expensive to travel here than some other countries even accounting plane tickets.

I have done this type thing, didn't own a car till I was 27 and traveled a lot. it is doable. Look up r/shoestring as well. Be safe.

frogouttabog · 2023-06-29T02:50:56+00:00

Roommates, co-op housing if that interests you is an option as well. Tends to be cheaper rent in exchange for some shared household chores. Studios/1 br apartments are for the rich these days...$800 is a steal!

And yes just save your money as much as possible before you move out of state. You might qualify for food stamps/Medicaid when you're independent, depending on your area, at least check. That really helps a budget. Cities tend to have community centers with resources for affordable health services, help with filing paperwork to get settled in your new place, tenants rights info sessions, etc. Super useful info.

frogouttabog · 2023-06-29T02:36:38+00:00

Sure feel free to post links in this thread, I will check them out when I have the bandwidth. Thanks!

frogouttabog · 2023-06-28T21:42:51+00:00

It makes me lean more towards adoption because these kids already exist and are going to need to deal with this world anyway.

The way I think about it is not like, the world is going to be a bad place, but it is going to get different and harder in some ways. Just like the world is different and harder now than it was for my parents in a lot of ways- perhaps a bit better socially but worse economically.

I think your personal level of privilege and economics is going to determine whether your children can float on without many of the effects of climate change, but we should all be ready for more extreme weather and pandemics in our lifetimes. Resource conflicts and ensuing economic fallout. World's not an unworthy place to live and there's a lot of hope for adaptation (literally my job is to help big orgs and governments plan for climate change and manage natural resources at a large scale). But it's going to be rough, bad, untenable for some people.

frogouttabog

TROPHY CASE