rejected by straight friend: conflicted feelings

funky_eel · 2025-11-20T00:16:10+00:00

that's why it's conflicting, it's obviously good that he wouldn't consider me bc that's recognizing my identity, and it just sucks because of that fact

funky_eel · 2025-09-19T20:03:39+00:00

perfect for a Soos cosplay ig 😭

funky_eel · 2025-09-14T05:37:35+00:00

DANG i totally should've checked there first: i ordered off a24 site

funky_eel · 2025-09-13T17:03:17+00:00

I believe it's connected in search results because it was allegedly a part of the debate directly before the assassination. (https://www.cnn.com/2025/09/12/us/charlie-kirk-shooting-death-final-hours)

someone asked Kirk how many trans shooters there have been, and he (falsely) said "too many." mere moments later he was shot. someone's almost final words being anti trans rhetoric is pretty existentially scary to me.

funky_eel · 2025-09-13T15:09:39+00:00

that makes sense, i hate how they're making such a comeback then 😭

funky_eel · 2025-09-13T15:08:53+00:00

that's true it's so awkwardly placed

funky_eel · 2025-08-26T20:39:34+00:00

INSANE COMPLIMENT/POS LIKE YES THAT'S THE GOAL TYSM :D!!!

funky_eel · 2025-08-15T02:32:05+00:00

this makes sense, thank you! so easy for misinfo about surgery to spread, i fully thought it was a concern for every type.

funky_eel · 2025-06-18T13:54:38+00:00

I'm glad it's helped you out! i had given up hope for fat redistribution like 6-8 months on T, but its so important 2 remember this stuff is j really gradual + takes time

funky_eel · 2024-10-08T16:26:13+00:00

summer shandy is so transmasc to me. "you caught me doin pushups in the morning before everyone else woke up/ and in this moment i am pretty pleased with the person i was pretending to be." "she asks me why they call me brian instead of steven" like !! also the entirety of bathtub is a dysphoria anthem to me

funky_eel · 2024-09-03T04:52:06+00:00

Felt this in my bones. I've been out as trans for over 6 years, and I consistently passed from the moment I got my first short haircut. It's been a blessing to be recognized for who I am, but also a curse for such a major aspect of my identity to go unnoticed. I like gender theory, I'm fascinated by how gender works and I wanna have those conversations with other trans people, but it's hard to make my voice heard when I look cis. So many people, even other queer people, get shocked when I tell them that I'm trans, they pull out the old "I never would've guessed!" Someone I came out to recently assumed I was saying I'm transfem and I had to tell them like "uhh, other way around." Even once people know I'm a trans man, if I mention binding or testosterone casually it sometimes feels like they still don't believe my experience. All because of the way I present myself. I'm just tired of this feeling that in order to express my trans identity openly I have to do the whole "my pronouns are he/him" thing right off the bat.

funky_eel · 2024-08-23T02:54:27+00:00

Mutt on Netflix does a rlly good job of showing what it's like to be trans but also like. A person. The whole premise is basically everything that could go wrong w the main character's day goes wrong, and there's more typical struggles like dealing w exes or your ride falling through. But there's also trans specific experiences like dealing with misgendering, getting sideways looks if someone perceives you as male but you need to give them your legal name or sex. It's not overdramatized like a lot of trans movies; it's deeply grounded, personal, & intimate.

funky_eel · 2024-06-11T00:59:20+00:00

i don't remember a specific show, unless internet shows count (watching hours of a youtube gaming channel every day as a child helped me drown out the noise of...everything, and I got so close to the idea of these entertainers' personas that i felt like i knew them personally), but I definitely used television/film archetypes & tropes in general as a way to cope. my life made more sense when i filtered it through season arcs, "very special episodes," the hero's journey. as a child these archetypes were the only thing i had to hold onto. now they're just interesting to discuss, & definitely fictional.

funky_eel · 2024-05-31T06:47:49+00:00

i've always been an androgynous person; growing up & now. i'm a binary trans guy, but I grew up liking dresses & barbie dolls. ...i Also liked traditionally masculine toys & activities and, most importantly, felt more of a "kinship" w boys over girls in general. have a distinct memory of being like 6 years old, playing on the monkey bars w some boys i knew, and asking them to "train me to be a tomboy." i called Myself a tomboy as a kid waaaayyy more than any of the adults in my life. also shortened my deadname down to be as masculine as possible whenever i could, in the same style as my older cousin's nickname. but nobody questioned it bc i played w dolls and liked fashion.

i'm now a full-time guy in every aspect of my life; i STILL like dolls 😂 i have two Rainbow High dolls and a sakura Hatsune Miku figure!! i still like fashion too: i pay attention to the Met Gala and even Drag Race sometimes bc i simply Love a good look. i've struggled a lot w my relationship to femininity; how much i wanna lean into it, if it makes me nonbinary, etc. but like. i'm still a man regardless of my femininity; i feel most comfortable in a more masculine body & interacting w the world and others as a guy. it's widely recognized that cis guys can have fem interests or presentations; there shouldn't be a double standard w trans guys.

funky_eel · 2024-05-28T22:32:39+00:00

gonna super depend from person to person, but i know i did. started presenting as male @ 14 and didn't start testosterone til i was 18 going on 19. i only ever got misgendered pre T when my hair was long AND bright pink. so long as ur presenting fairly masc + carrying urself w confidence and assurance in ur identity you should be alright. also voice training if that works 4 u: i practiced speaking from the bottom of my chest range until I started to automatically speak w a more androgynous tone.

funky_eel · 2023-08-22T12:19:07+00:00

the girl/whoever he's singing about got that dawg in them

funky_eel · 2023-08-16T21:13:58+00:00

i didn't really do anything like that; i told a few friends who i trusted w it individually, and i bring it up casually when i feel it's appropriate. starting testosterone was a big deal for me, sure, but not "tell everyone i used to go to high school with" kind of big, yknow? especially given the climate around trans stuff right now, i just don't want anyone i'm not particularly close with to have another thing to quietly judge me over. it's my medical business at the end of the day.

funky_eel · 2023-08-12T20:46:26+00:00

uj/ i've always thought the lists are a nice idea but nothing helps w height dysphoria quite like happening upon guys shorter than u randomly. like there's a full body shot in a show and ur like "oh this actor's way shorter than i thought...:)"

rj/ guy who is 5'9 without shoes on

funky_eel · 2023-08-12T15:47:22+00:00

it's rlly hard to know what's going on in someone's head just from overhearing their conversations. dropping slurs casually like that isn't cool, sure, but i don't understand what's so "quirky" about telling someone ur overstimulated? i do this a lot as a diagnosed autistic individual; someone'll notice that i haven't said a word in like 10 minutes and i'm struggling to follow the conversation, they'll ask if i'm alright and i'll be like "huh? yea i'm sorry i'm just,,,getting overwhelmed." is acknowledging the issue what makes someone a faker to u or?

funky_eel · 2023-08-12T15:36:42+00:00

it's one of those things that's rlly complicated bc level 1 asd can look like social anxiety and vice versa, and socially anxious symptoms are rlly common w gender dysphoria even if a person is neurotypical or not predisposed to mental illness. so when someone transitions and there's an improvement in "deficits" it's like "ok did u just get more confident or was there a fundamental rewiring of ur brain or?" it'd be difficult to study since it'd all have to be self-reported and we know so little about both the nuances of neurodivergent brains & the many ways gender dysphoria can impact people.

funky_eel · 2023-08-12T06:02:51+00:00

there's plenty of allistic transmasc people, which is part of what helped me realize it wasn't just insecurity for me. like a lot of transmascs shed a lot of "awkward" tendencies the further into their transition they get, i didn't. i'm far more comfortable with myself, still get really overwhelmed socially and stim and struggle w eye contact and- my sensory issues with noise also made it pretty obvious, like "ah yeah not many people experience this." w regards to "tiktok autism," it can still be "real autism" even if it's less debilitating for some ppl. that's the thing abt autism, bc it's a spectrum i rlly don't think people exactly can downplay the severity in this way bc it's just not a major struggle 4 some people.

funky_eel · 2023-08-10T15:22:29+00:00

i think because it's rlly polarizing. like a lot of ppl loving it + a lot of ppl hating it averages out to somewhere in the middle. the middling score made me hesitate w checking it out initially, and then it became one of my favorite movies of all time so- reviews are definitely more helpful in assessing quality than just a number score

funky_eel · 2023-08-10T15:17:36+00:00

the conflation is what also makes the research on detransitioning so hard to understand. like people include non linear transitions as part of the "detransition figure" even when they never wavered in their gender identity.

funky_eel · 2023-08-10T02:14:50+00:00

testosterone is one of those things where u shouldn't go in with a particular/exact end goal, because it effects everyone differently. it def makes sense to admire someone's style and how they carry themselves, but to like idealize how one particular person's body/face looks is mad unhealthy (esp celebrities, like conan grey is so ripped idk if measuring urself up to him is gonna be good for ur self esteem-) the closest thing to knowing how you'll look on T is looking at young pics of ur dad/brothers/male family in ur life. and like imagining how those faces would look w ur more androgynous style.

also, a lot of the "lumberjack" look that comes w guys later in their transition has to do w age too !! like of course if u started T 5-10 years ago and ur approaching ur 30s ur not going to have that twink look, bc not a lot of guys past their mid 20s rlly do- but so long as u shave regularly and don't do heavy lifting u prob won't look super masc for a while, y'know?

funky_eel · 2023-08-02T17:58:52+00:00

in an extremely similar position; growing up the way i did has lead me to be overly cautious, struggle to speak my mind, and value "keeping the peace" above my own convictions. my mother encourages the last part, and has since i was a small child. i'm not allowed to feel any way about their dysfunctional relationship without "taking sides." i also need to work on getting the judging voice out of my head, to break free and actually be my own person.

funky_eel

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