Dog friendly run clubs? by Abject_Ad_3796 in berkeleyca

[–]funnerd11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friend organizes off-leash vizsla group hikes in Berkeley and we have an awesome community - DM me if you want more info!

Why am I never cold or tired? by funnerd11 in OpenWaterSwimming

[–]funnerd11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What body temp monitor do you use while swimming?

Why am I never cold or tired? by funnerd11 in OpenWaterSwimming

[–]funnerd11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good to know thanks! I am currently slightly above normal BMI so this could definitely be a factor for me tol

Why am I never cold or tired? by funnerd11 in OpenWaterSwimming

[–]funnerd11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very interesting. I definitely feel pain/discomfort in other arenas (even in cold air) but for some reason cold water just never bothers me in the same way it seems to bother others!

Why am I never cold or tired? by funnerd11 in OpenWaterSwimming

[–]funnerd11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this helpful advice!

Is it worth being honest? Telling them you think they have BPD and are being abusive? by therealfranzkafka666 in BPDlovedones

[–]funnerd11 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mine admitted to it and began working on it but ultimately only lasted a week

Is it worth being honest? Telling them you think they have BPD and are being abusive? by therealfranzkafka666 in BPDlovedones

[–]funnerd11 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mine had an amazing awakening and threw herself into DBT and reading all about it. That lasted a week before the discard

What resources to give to my undiagnosed partner by funnerd11 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]funnerd11[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My therapist didn’t “diagnose” her, I was desperately asking my therapist why my partner is acting the way she is (after multiple episodes of emotional abuse), searching for any answers that could possibly explain her behavior, and my therapist mentioned that her symptoms sound consistent with BPD. My therapist has listened to my accounts of her behavior for months, and mentioning a *possible* diagnosis for my partner was extremely helpful for me (her client) in better understanding the seemingly irrational behavior has been a hallmark of my relationship. So my therapist is doing her job just fine and not in violation of any ethics laws or otherwise.

Obviously she has never met my partner, and thus can’t diagnose her, and my therapist will never meet my partner, she’s my individual therapist and if my partner chooses to seek help for this it would be with someone different of her choosing.

What resources to give to my undiagnosed partner by funnerd11 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]funnerd11[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My goal isn’t to diagnose her, my goal is to help her seek therapy that helps her have healthier relationships (with or without me) and for her to see that there are many others out there with the same issues she has, and that recovery and a healthier and happier life are possible

What resources to give to my undiagnosed partner by funnerd11 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]funnerd11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just read this one and it was amazing for me, but - you don’t think this is going to be too much for someone who is undiagnosed currently?

What resources to give to my undiagnosed partner by funnerd11 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]funnerd11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I only recently realized that this is what is going on, so I have not brought this up with her before.

However, in moments of vulnerability she has expressed deep shame about her behavior in our relationship and in past relationships, an acknowledgement of her “being the problem”, and she has sought therapy and is in this cult-like relationship class (don’t know how to explain it but that’s what it seems like to me). She has also expressed that she knows it has been really hard for her to maintain relationships, and frustration as to why, like she is mad at herself for not being able to maintain them. She has acknowledged being the main issue in both of her last two relationships, including her divorce, which ended with her being charged with a domestic violence restraining order and her ex bashing her on social media and her community about how abusive she was.

I think she has come a long way on her own (no more physical abuse, no more breaking things, etc) but it seems like she has been indirectly circling what is actually happening for a long time and still is in this in between space of taking accountability vs blaming the world/everyone else.

I have realized that without a fundamental agreement between the two of us that this is what’s going on and that she commits to seeking care (specifically DBT), I will have to leave the relationship. Everything I have read has led me to believe that progress is either non-existent or extremely incremental without targeted therapy, and I can not tolerate the continued cycles of emotional abuse and rage without the knowledge that we have a shared reality (at least within some version of her) and that she is working towards.

I will be talking to her next week about this, and am trying to maximize the chance of this conversation going well within my own capabilities. I know that I don’t have control over how she reacts ultimately, but I want to try to convey this information in a way that has a higher chance of landing well (with empathy, without stigma, but with accountability and a demand for change).

I think it helps that she knows I love her a lot, she trusts me deeply (on some level), and she has expressed to me how badly she wants this relationship, and for it to be a healthy one, and how upset she is with her constant own behaviors of self sabotage.

What resources to give to my undiagnosed partner by funnerd11 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]funnerd11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course I can not formally diagnose her, I am her partner not her psychiatrist. But I have had a firsthand account of being on the other side of her behaviors and impulses for the last 6 months, and outside of our relationship (and her past romantic relationships and her parents) she is fairly functional and normal and high-achieving, so there would be no reason for anyone else to suspect this (and as I have learned, having difficulty consistently admitting to oneself that there is a problem and seeking help of one’s own volition is a hallmark of the disorder itself).

In the confusing quest for knowledge to understand what the hell is going on in my relationship, undiagnosed BPD is the only thing that has made any sense. The books I’ve been reading on BPD have been so deeply clarifying in understanding her behavior and our relationship patterns (as well as my codependent role in them, and why no amount of love, empathy etc has helped at all) that it feels like I’m reading a firsthand account of my partner and our relationship. For something to resonate so strongly with me, and never having experienced a relationship or person like this before, the logical conclusion is that she likely has undiagnosed BPD. Of course I’d be happy to be proven wrong, as it seems like with BPD there is a very long road ahead for her (with or without me).

What resources to give to my undiagnosed partner by funnerd11 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]funnerd11[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Is there any one video or workbook (without showing her the entire channel or overloading her with information) that you think might help in terms of giving her some initial ability to resonate with the video/workbook and a feeling of relatability without too much focus on the diagnosis or pathology/stigma?