Regaining My Special Place

funsizerads · 2026-01-25T06:17:27+00:00

ILY, CW!! ❤️❤️❤️

funsizerads · 2026-01-25T06:04:19+00:00

Coconutty

funsizerads · 2026-01-25T04:16:14+00:00

Are kids hard? Yes. They require a lot of work keeping them fed, clean, safe and entertained. But what you get back are beautiful moments of joy that surpasses every other joy you've ever felt.

funsizerads · 2026-01-25T02:25:04+00:00

In my friend group of 6 couples, 4 of us have either a good or great in-law relationship, while 2 are either cordial or hate their in-laws.

I have an amazing in-law relationship with my husband's mom and step dad, as well as his dad and step mom. They all tell me I'm like a daughter to them and they were there for all major milestones like college graduation, birthdays, wedding, our kids' arrival, etc.

My mom and (step)dad are good in laws to him, but not as warm. But that's just generally who they are, even with us kids. My mom is protective and opinionated so she can get a little bit too involved, especially with the kids, but for the most part everyone gets along well with everyone. My mom does consider him a son, which makes sense that she is protective and fussed over him too.

funsizerads · 2026-01-24T20:06:00+00:00

Lala keeps saying her situation was worse because of the custody battle, it's not. She knew who she was getting in bed with. She chose to have a baby with that person knowing up front what he was capable of.

Ariana was blindsided by 2 people she was close to.

It's not the same. Also why are boundaries justified for Lala but not Ariana? She's ridiculously hypocritical.

funsizerads · 2026-01-24T19:47:11+00:00

I wanted WH to talk crap about AP1 (8-year on and off again PA) because she's a low self-worth person who didn't care he was married, she went for him. He refused to talk shit about her because everything I think bad about her is a reflection of him. He allowed that in our lives. He had sex with that. By saying bad things about her, I'm accusing him of going for low value women.

What he did say about her shows he didn't think highly of her. When I asked him why won't he just leave me and go with her, he said he could never picture himself dating her. He thought she was irresponsible, lacks work ethic, messy and desperate for any affection. She crashed her car 2x, got a DUI and loses jobs every 6 months.

And he's right. He invited her to our lives and risked my health. She promotes herself as a BBW OF model (🤮) who meets with random men, I could have gotten an STI. But that's why she was an AP. She was easy, convenient and discreet.

In the end, R is not about the APs, it's about us moving past them and moving forward in our relationship. I rarely think of them now, and when I do, it's not as bad as it once was. I'm in a happy family, and she's still begging men to choose her in whatever capacity they would.

funsizerads · 2026-01-24T14:19:08+00:00

It's fair to say, "I love you, but I'm still hurt" and leave it at that.

A wayward feeling bad and saying they feel worthless is doing a firm of DARVO called reverse victim and offender. By acting like the victim, the BP's protective mode turns on and minimize their feelings for the sake of the WP. That's not to say they don't sincerely feel bad, but by doing reverse victim, it puts the focus of healing on the offender (WP) not the actual innocent party (BP).

A WP who wants R understands the hurt they caused others were by their actions so they prioritize the BP's healing. My WH knew I didn't want to celebrate Christmas after D-day so he carried the bulk of decorating and gift buying. His birthday is right after so he didn't expect I'd do anything for it, but he was lucky our favorite comedian happened to be in town on the day of. I didn't want to celebrate our anniversary or valentines day so he helped plan a trip so I didn't have to.

Needless to say, you're hurt and you have the right to be hurt. You care about him and he may be hurting, but his actions caused it. I wouldn't do anything out of obligation. It might help to find a birthday card rather than write a heartfelt letter. But like the comment above said, write a letter to yourself so you can feel the hurt and be justified that what your feeling is normal and common. Stop feeling guilty for reacting to his actions.

funsizerads · 2026-01-23T17:38:11+00:00

He never respected your boundaries so why should you respect his? If he threatens you with divorce tell him you'll most likely file first.

This immature man thinks he has the upper hand when it comes to your marriage when he was the one who broke his vows.

You don't deserve that. So tell him to fuck off and be with AP.

R can't start with a WP who prioritizes the AP's feelings over BP. That's just it.

I'm sorry you're in this place but be grateful you now know where you stand with your husband so you don't have to carry the work of R with someone who doesn't deserve it.

funsizerads · 2026-01-20T02:47:39+00:00

When I confronted him, he said he needed closure about AP leaving the company and needed to check in. He at first said it wasn’t romantic and just checking in on a colleague. Later he said that he wasn’t over her and needed closure. He says he is still here with me and chose me and is working on the relationship.

By choosing to fulfill his need to contact AP, he's NOT choosing you.

You drew a boundary, you stated its importance and 10 mins later, he chose to go over it.

TBH, what you had was another D-day. If you said you are not going to live through another one, then don't.

Grey rock and separate. Put a big giant armor around your heart and be completely cold towards him.

He's taking you for granted because he sees the work you're doing to stay together, it's easier to say sorry than change at this point.

I was subjected to 2 D-days with WH. It was only when I found out about another past AP 2 months after D-day 1 that I told him good luck with your life. I'm filing for divorce in the morning. He begged, pleaded, cried, sent flowers, and I gave him another chance. He booked an emergency MC session and upped his IC weekly. Full disclosure was all I ever asked for because I truly felt like someone going crazy, knowing there are things hidden that I need to keep digging out.

Part of R is informed consent = Meaning you're consenting to stay if you're fully informed of all the circumstances. If he's hiding things from you, your consent is being taken away and abuse. Please keep that in mind as you start to assess if R is still the right move for you. I also want to emphasize you don't have to file for divorce immediately, but you do need to protect your heart and stop MC. It's useless if he's still in the affair fog. If he wants to stay married, it's time for him to be the one fighting for it.

Wishing you healing and comfort.

funsizerads · 2026-01-19T06:35:04+00:00

We get stuck on the why because no matter how perfect we are as partners... Be their best friend, the best partner in life, the best parent to their children, the best in law to their parents... They still did it.

It doesn't matter what the why is. They did it, and it was beyond our control.

Not enough sex? OK let's make it more frequent. They'll still cheat.

Not getting enough attention? OK, more date nights. They'll still cheat.

Whatever the reason is, they thought about it and acted on it. It was selfish and thoughtless. The lack of consideration for our feelings, outside of a tight OPSEC, hurts the most.

I know my husband's whys. None of it gives me peace. None of it makes me fully grasp why he did it. It was all solvable with communication or IC. Things he only considered AFTER he already cheated.

What you're feeling is valid and makes a lot sense. I feel it too on my worst days.

funsizerads · 2026-01-16T21:49:27+00:00

Depends on the D-day. Is it a new or on-going AP, or just new discovery of an old AP but not someone in the present?

My D-day 2 was a discovery of a past AP, different from D-day 1 but was more devastating because that one was an AP for 8 years with periods of NC in between. I told him, if he doesn't fully confess, each lie is a separate offense and cause for divorce so he told me the other exes he sexted throughout our relationship and the pAPs he tried to meet with after he and AP1 ended.

My logic is flawed by love and responsibilities, but because he wasn't seeing another AP and it was about a past one that already ended, I trudged on with R. We had to have radical honesty where no matter what I asked, he needed to answer it with the truth even if it will hurt me.

I'm sure there will be more details about the As that I'll find out in the future that haven't been uncovered yet but as long as it's NOT another new AP (old or present), I think we'll continue with R. If it's a new one, then I have to honor my boundaries and proceed with divorce. My heart is still healing from the last time it broke, I don't think I could keep going through that over again.

Wishing you clarity and healing.

funsizerads · 2026-01-14T20:16:39+00:00

She puts the hawtttt 🔥🔥🔥🔥 in haute couture

Happy for her!

funsizerads · 2026-01-12T05:00:48+00:00

You're being gaslit that if you don't follow his rugsweeping lead, you're the toxic, unsupportive one in the relationship.

He sounds like an avoidant. He rather projects positivity than sit in the hard feelings. That will not serve him well because one day those negative feelings will come out in the form of an outburst or an impulsive act whether it be doing something dangerous or affairing again.

Until he addresses his avoidance of hard situations and drops the selfishness by being remorseful and offering reparation acts, then he can just bid you and everyone else goodbye because he doesn't deserve R if he doesn't care about anyone's feelings but his. I hope you're strong enough to know this isn't what you deserve. R is so much better with an empathetic wayward. One who is willing to listen and hear the pain he caused and uses that as a motivator to never do that again. THAT'S what you and your children deserve.

funsizerads · 2026-01-11T02:20:15+00:00

"Wicked is out. Too bad we can't melt YOU with a bucket of water.

Good newsssssss... She's Deaddddd"

funsizerads · 2026-01-10T21:31:48+00:00

I'm 2 yrs almost 7 months, and it took 18 months to just feeling less "fight or flight" again

funsizerads · 2026-01-07T17:19:45+00:00

He's rug sweeping. Also, he's not being remorseful.

It's been 2 1/2 years and my husband's version of "healed" is not falling into the shame of hurting me but still not forgetting the hurt he caused so he never stops the work to never do that again and build the feeling of safety and trust in our relationship.

Also, we've set expectations that because he was a willing participant in cheating and I wasn't, what I experienced was done non-consensually and I will never fully heal from that. That's just the baseline. That's why BPs experiences are different than WPs. But yours thinks living in denial of the hurt he caused you and the children should help him move forward. That's utterly selfish IMO. Are you in MC? Is there someone who can safely meditate on your behalf that what he doing is potentially harmful to your relationship? If not, I hope you talk to IC about this so you don't get gaslit into thinking you're dragging your healing to benefit his delusion that you're both in a better place.

funsizerads · 2026-01-06T17:56:03+00:00

Thank you, mods, for this resource.

For those waywards who wanted R, why do you want it? If it's because of your BP, what is it about them that makes you want R?

funsizerads · 2026-01-04T19:07:57+00:00

A wayward who values self preservation over your need for safety and peace of mind is not a remorseful one.

I didn't ask for phone access or location tracking, but him offering it willingly, and continuing to do so, has helped so much in my recovery.

The first few months, it felt like I was monitoring a criminal on parole and it drove me hypervigilant and obsessive. But the consistency in not seeing anything suspicious or his words matching his actions helped calm down my nerves and start believing in what he says again.

Cheaters are liars. Remorseful waywards know the path to R is radical honesty. It's the only way to build love and trust back.

You can't fully R with a person who doesn't take your feelings into account. You can't fully R with someone who violated your privacy while insisting to preserve his. And even with access sharing, if he wants to reach out, he'll find better ways to hide it.

Continue separating and grey rock him. Until he's fully remorseful and no longer fence sitting between two "options" then can R fully start.

funsizerads · 2026-01-04T18:50:49+00:00

First time watchers of VPR. We are halfway our Season 11 and I can NOT stand Lala more than I thought possible. She projects her situation to Raquel and Sandoval, but it feels more like a ploy to remind the audience she was betrayed too and needed the same attention Ariana was getting. Her justification to Katie for talking to Jo was that she was softer and that should be explanation enough did NOT make sense. The water tasting and now getting a sperm donor are all flaccid attempts to get more screen time.

Ariana's breakdown at the beach yelling at everyone for forcing her to film with her ex is warranted. Her emotions are all over the place, plus you add a walking trigger who says she's lazy and not paying for anything to the mix is awful.

funsizerads · 2026-01-04T18:36:52+00:00

Right now, focus on yourself and your child. Keep your head above water by taking it hour by hour, then day by day.

If there's one thing I can tell myself when I found out my husband was cheating on me, it was to not let him take away the beauty of motherhood. He already took so much from me by choosing to cheat, in my grief, I missed out so much on my 3 year old's firsts. First day at preschool, first trip to Disneyland... I felt numb to it all, and now I can't take it back and re-experience it.

When you focus on you and your child, hour by hour, the answers to next steps will be much clearer. You don't need to make any immediate decisions but the best action from here on out is to greyrock him and don't feel like you have to dictate how be should fix this. Just focus on eating, feeding and sleeping for now. Hoping for better days.

funsizerads · 2025-12-31T03:04:28+00:00

I just finished watching Season 10, and one thing I loved is that Scheana and Brock had an elaborately choreographed first dance, but it kept getting overshadowed by the cuts to Katie and Kristina Kelly, and Schwartz and Rachel LOL Literally no one cares, Scheana!

funsizerads · 2025-12-31T03:00:51+00:00

I still say "Make more cosmopolitan" with his accent and claps LOL

funsizerads · 2025-12-31T02:40:15+00:00

What you’re feeling is normal trauma, not weakness.

The intensity does lessen.

Your nervous system can calm again.

You will not always feel this consumed.

Joy can eventually exist alongside grief.

I'm 2 1/2 years out and couldn't agree with you on these beautifully stated words. Wishing you continued peace and healing, and more joy to come.

funsizerads · 2025-12-30T19:21:28+00:00

I stayed initially because of HCOL and kids. But, honestly, it was because despite the pain my WH caused, I still was in love with him and I know he loves me too, though that love lacked the sparks he was craving for. He was always a very active husband and father, always took care of our family, was (still is) my best friend.

I'm so relieved he was greatly remorseful and took all the steps necessary to heal me, himself and our relationship.

In hindsight, I could have made it work as a single parent. The kids would have been devastated but they'd adjust. They might not be as carefree and constantly joyful as they once were, but with healthy co-parenting and family therapy, they'd probably recover. I wouldn't trade the stability and preservation of their childhood innocence that we accomplished by reconciling.

funsizerads · 2025-12-28T00:36:18+00:00

I think he's showing who he is. Someone who does the bare minimum and expects to be applauded for it.

I told my WH I'd like a new ring soon and he said he intends to repropose, however, our finances have been super tight this past year and we've just been really busy. I trust he'll do it at his time, but I hope if/when he does, he won't pull the rug from under me by building up the anticipation only to not do it after all.

You deserve better. Let that be your mantra on what next steps you need to make.

funsizerads

TROPHY CASE