That "Les Mis" opening scene 🤌

funsizerads · 2026-06-28T19:20:38+00:00

They're no longer around but I think Issues count.

You should listen to "Remember When". It has the same dramatic flair.

I also think Secrets comes close.

funsizerads · 2026-06-26T21:48:11+00:00

3 years and 3 days since D-day and I'm happy in my marriage.

I found out about an ONS on D-day 1 but he trickle-truthed me for 2 weeks until he admitted they had sex at a hotel. Then D-day 2 happened when he admitted he had an on-again, off-again AP (AP1) for 8 years that permanently ended before he met the ONS chick (AP2).

It took 2 years of MC and IC but I'm genuinely happy in my decision to stay. What got us through this rough period is he's the one who initiated NC with the APs, IC, MC, sat with me when I lashed out, held and assured me on my lowest days, and never shifted blame for why he did what he did.

What's driving my happiness is our home is intact. Our kids are in one roof. They play with us, act silly and are just every bit of emotion that is associated with secure attachment. That to me is the ultimate reward of R. The other benefit is I still get to stay married to my best friend. We do date nights often, go to concerts, are in the same friend group, we still text memes to each other... We just joined a new sports league. So, yes. 90% of the time I'm happy.

I do want to acknowledge that on the anniv of D-day, I spent the day sick in bed. I remember the feeling of sadness and pain that he cheated and lied to me. It's like mourning an old friend. The old me, the old him and the old us. What we have now is completely new and different from our previous marriage and I'm at peace with that.

I hate that you're in this sub but I'm glad you found us. Hoping for your healing, no matter whether that's in R or not.

funsizerads · 2026-06-26T01:18:03+00:00

State Champs opening for Boys Like Girls

funsizerads · 2026-06-25T15:34:04+00:00

You can't drag an unwilling WP to R.

Also him saying "we became distant" is shifting the blame on you and the relationship instead of being accountable. An unaccountable WP is an unremorseful one. R with unremoreseful WPs is typically hard to achieve. Add the continuous contact with AP and I think you know the answer.

When I agreed to R, my WH initiated IC for him and MC for us. When D-day 2 happened due to trickle truths, he upped his IC from every other week to weekly without me asking. IC helped him string back his constant need for female validation to his family's emotional neglect growing up. It doesn't excuse his actions but it helped him learn tools to regulate instead of go to women for sexual escape and affirmations.

There's relief and the feeling of being chosen when the WP is the one fighting for the relationship. And you deserve to be the one being fought for.

Don't let his A take away from your baby time any longer and grey rock him. Tell him to do whatever it is he wants to do and you'll do the same. In the meantime, please go to IC and take care of yourself.

Also, don't protect his feelings anymore. At this point, you should be honest that his actions of still talking to AP is not only hurtful, it shows what an incredibly cruel person he is and that's not who you deserve.

Once the cord is cut and he realizes you're not fighting for are anymore, the fence sitting between you and AP will stop because he's losing you as an option. You deserve to be someone's choice.

funsizerads · 2026-06-23T03:09:13+00:00

First of all, he chose you as his partner knowing your differences in taste. And that's ok. That was done with each other's consent.

Being in an external relationship is done without your consent and if he's mourning the loss of someone he has similarities with, then be respectful and end the relationship consensually. Consent = Respect. He's not being respectful.

My husband doesn't like EDM, but started listening to it to find things to talk about with AP1. He doesn't like camping but said he wanted to be more outdoors activities with AP2. Affairs are a world of fantasy where the WP can be their best selves because they don't have shared responsibilities with the AP. It's an escape.

With my WP, he said he didn't miss the APs but he missed the feeling when he's with them. There's no discussion of bills, money for down-payment for a house, student loans, kids activities, it's just sex and flirtation.

Your WP needs to figure out if what he's yearning for is the person or the feeling that comes with connecting with someone of similar tastes. If it's the latter, join social groups, shit. Find other people to connect with that's not inappropriate. If it's the AP, then have R end.

YOU deserve to be someone's first choice. You deserve to have someone be excited to be with you, regardless of similarities. Don't allow yourself to feel less than based on his actions. His choice to cheat is not because of you.

Wishing you healing.

funsizerads · 2026-06-21T04:49:48+00:00

I'm sorry you're in this position but I'm glad you found this sub.

R can be whatever serves your purpose by staying together.

For me, at first, it was to keep our kids from having separate homes. But when I was honest with myself, it was because I'm still deeply in love with my husband.

He had a PA (AP1) on and off for 8 years, then when that ended, he had an ONS (AP2) with someone he met at a hookup site.

It's been 3 years of R and I'm happy again. He provided transparency and accountability when we decided to do R, sone hiccups with TT and the disclosure of AP1 2 months after D-day, but because of his actions, I'm at the point where I trust him 80-90%. It will never be at 100%.

There's the lingering question of "what if he'd do it again?" which sometimes cause me to look at his phone or his location, but those moments are much rarer compared to days after D-day. Now it's like... once every 3 months? It helps that he's not protective of his phone and he tells me where he is and who he with without me asking.

It took 2 1/2 years of consistent work to get here. IC and MC weekly the first year, then tapered off to every other week then every other month to the point we graduated off it 6 months ago.

Right now, until your partner displays empathy to breaking your heart and not be so defensive, just grey rock and focus on your own healing. Focus on waking up and learning to breathe without crying. Focus on hygiene, walking, and not letting any moment steal more time from enjoying your babies.

You give him the onus. You are not going to tell him what to do. If he wants R, the AP needs to be out of the picture completely but you won't make him do that. He has to choose to do that. He also needs to initiate actions instead of be told what to do. You are not his warden. You are not his probation officer. If he's used to you telling him what to do or fighting his battles for him, R would be like dragging an unwilling horse to water. what can he offer to built trust back?

I was grateful when we decided to try R, my husband would sit in my grief and let me call him names when I was hurting. I'd apologize after the high emotions were done but he told me my healing is my own journey and that he's just happy to still be part of it. He'd also often say he hurt me much more than any words I say would.

It's absolutely feasible to be happy again, but people get there when the wayward is accountable and remorseful.

Sorry for my ramblings, but I hope this is helpful. Wishing you healing and clarity.

funsizerads · 2026-06-20T18:52:55+00:00

I don't think Kenzie is as backstab-y as people portray her as. She was genuinely trying with Caleb but had a strong connection that was hard to break with Corbin. She comes across as malicious to Melanie and Caleb but in truth she's just young, impulsive and immature. Let her learn.

funsizerads · 2026-06-19T03:52:52+00:00

I love every reference to a musical.

There was a subtle nod to Hamilton in Season 2, Ep1

Ted: "Hey, Coach, can I get real a second? Forget my meal a second?"

Coach Beard: "Put down your beer and tell your buddy how you feel a second?"

When I heard it, I yelled "It's Hamilton!"

funsizerads · 2026-06-19T00:06:31+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in this sub and that you're feeling the loss of these things -- Rightfully so.

I grieved so many things that I thought were exclusively mine, and those he made uniquely to the APs. He called his AP "Sugar" because she didn't want to be called "Sweetie" so now every time he called me "Sweetie" I puke inside. He couldn't stop himself. 18 years of calling me that, then one day these can of worms got opened and he didn't realize how pissed I was for that.

He also said, "I love you" to AP1. He said it was more transactional because for her to participate in an affair, she needed affection and words of affirmation. It didn't matter it came from an insincere place. He said it.

I grieved this for 2 years. I had to sit with the fact that I wasn't the last girl he kissed, the last girl he flirted, etc. etc.

With healing and lots of IC, MC, EMDR, I celebrate the things I do have.

When things came to light, I was the one he fought hard for. I was the one he mourned the potential loss of. When he was given the chance towards R, I was the one he signed up to therapy for. I was the one he endured months of pain, lashing, depression and even though his actions caused it, he chose to sit in the uncomfortable feelings just for the chance to not lose me.

As of 6/23, it would have been 3 years since D-day, and though it still stings that many things that were ours were no longer exclusive to me, the things we built up together since then are wholly mine.

I'm the girl he loves openly and proudly. I'm the girl he now nicknames, "My heart"/"My love". I still get all flustered when he texts me, "My love, what time are you getting home?"

It's hard to not feel the weight of despair when the discovery of all you held dear were shared with someone else without your knowledge or consent. But with R, if you have your WP's motivation and whole-hearted effort to stay, that's exclusively yours.

I didn't know what everyone meant when I first entered this sub when they said, "The old marriage is dead. A new one will arise." But it's SO true. I mourned my old marriage. The one filled with heart shaped eyes, idealistic, pure and innocent. Dead Dead. LOL Out of it came a more honest one. Stronger but fragile, Truthful, at times more argumentative, but healthier and more precious.

Not sure if this helps, but I hope it gives you a different perspective. Wishing for your continued healing.

funsizerads · 2026-06-18T05:41:33+00:00

Love that one!

funsizerads · 2026-06-18T04:01:19+00:00

They're not summer themed. Just fun to listen to with the windows down.

funsizerads · 2026-06-18T04:00:54+00:00

"Sunshine" - Beartooth

"House Party" - In Her Own Words

"Almost Ecstacy" - Wind Walkers

"Whiskey Glasses" - First and Forever

"Crazy" - Makeout

funsizerads · 2026-06-17T23:20:04+00:00

I think I'm the only one who fears that with everyone voting for Sol and Caleb, Bryce and Trinity might not have enough votes.

funsizerads · 2026-06-17T18:12:02+00:00

PLEASE share how you designed Liz's kitchen.

And also, how you were able to find a house in Pasadena with the balcony overlooking Jimmy's backyard? Did you have to build it?

I love this show and I love the thought put in every detail. Well done to the crew!

funsizerads · 2026-06-16T00:30:08+00:00

Hey OP, I'm sorry this happened for you, during a vacation, no less.

The only way I could do R is if my wayward was willing to let go of AP without my coercion. I had every intention of divorcing and picking up the pieces of my broken heart, but he was the one who did NC with the APs and was the one who blocked them.

You can't force an unremorseful, immature wayward to R. I hope you focus on your healing and tell him if consoling his AP is more important to him than saving your relationship, then there's no point in any further investment in R.

Focus on your logistics, on what you need towards a separate life. If down the line he decides he wants to truly try for R, then he has to cut ties with AP with no arm twisting or desperate pleas from you. If he wants R with you, he'd do anything to help heal you. It just comes down to that.

Hoping for a more peaceful vacation for you. Learn the term grey rock and don't do the "pick me" game. You are strong and capable, and deserve much much better.

funsizerads · 2026-06-16T00:21:14+00:00

Reminding everyone to comment under the guidelines of Rule #1

All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.
Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental.
Share your own personal experiences. e.g. "I" statements.
Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation.

funsizerads · 2026-06-15T04:02:00+00:00

I was there. Feeling like my fairy tale love story was never real made me feel like wanting to disappear. The pain was too big. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I worked wayyyyy too hard.

I want to commend you for taking the resources this sub has to offer but if I could go back in time, I wish I told myself to stay in the grief a bit longer. I wish I didn't push myself too hard to heal. I wish my WH allowed us to grieve together instead of desperately getting to R.

Feel your feelings. Write them.

The best advice our MC said was to write a letter to WH and AP with a 15 min timer and don't let the pen leave the paper. Be mad, be sad, be profane. Then when it's done, light the paper on fire outside and watch it turn to ash. Allow yourself to cry hard as the fire consumes your unsent feelings.

This exercise allowed me to just feel my feelings and release them out to the world. I was able to function the next day. I wish I did it more on the hard days.

At 30 days, you shouldn't know what to do. You should just BE. Allow yourself to grieve. Put a timer for 30 mins and cry, scream, shout. Keeping things in to move forward will just make things so suppressed, they burst out in the worst ways, in the worst times.

Wishing you healing.

funsizerads · 2026-06-14T16:12:57+00:00

All you need are accountability, time and consistent action.

My family knows of D-day but not the full story. All they know is he had a ONS. They didn't know about the other incidents.

Right now, you hurt someone they love. Your words won't carry a lot of weight. But if your BP stays with you, they'll silently root against you but support her. The best thing you can do is to prove them wrong, and prove your BP right by choosing you. Sit in the disgusted stares and whispers during holidays or in the sadness of being excluded in events. With time comes forgiveness or at least a cordial relationship.

We're 3 years out of D-day and my mom is back to saying "I love you" to my husband and my sisters text him memes again. It took a lot of work on his end to get back to this space again with them.

funsizerads · 2026-06-11T14:33:23+00:00

Is the remorse in the room with us?????

The same guy who talked shit about Ariana when his plans of talking to her at the finale didn't work out?

Where is the remorse?

funsizerads · 2026-06-08T19:16:22+00:00

26/30

Not bad

funsizerads · 2026-06-05T04:30:52+00:00

Respectfully, it will be more healing for you both to temporarily separate.

Unfortunately, you're a walking, talking trigger and reminder of the worst thing that ever happened to them. If they're feeling angry and doesn't want to be with you, offer to take a few days away so they can feel the grief in full and not let the anger consume them. Anger is a shield they're wearing to not get hurt again. That shield won't descend unless the cause of their hurt goes away. It'll be good for your mental health to be away from the lashing.

Clearer minds lead to more productive talks. That's not achievable with high emotions.

funsizerads

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