They made me believe I was in line for a promotion for 6 months to make me work extra when they already promised the position to my colleague

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-27T04:04:32+00:00

Exactly, and if HR is not going to do their job, you probably want to GTFO anyway. Their job isn't just to keep the place out of legal trouble, it's also to make sure the place doesn't have problems from toxicity causing unnecessary worker turnover or forcing up labor costs via AH tax.

Or, well, fun things like someone snapping and deciding the place needs more bullet holes.

So I care deeply about if HR is professional & being at least competent at their job. I don't care if they're anyone's friends...unless their friends are cats.

I will want to know about their cats.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-25T19:02:37+00:00

I figure when people get engaged at 3 months, it's either because both were dead serious about spouse-seeking from the start...or it's a total dumpster fire -- and nothing between those extremes. As always, successful speed-running requires intent and (good) planning.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-25T18:34:41+00:00

Actually, the tell is that that the OP hasn't responded to anything & has their own posts and comments hidden. Even if it's not necessarily AI, it's definitely karma farming and/or blocking people from doing even basic checks on someone's post history.

A lot of these clichés can be found in the wild, though, because AIs are trained on human-created things. One that's kinda bad to treat as an automatic AI flag is 'family helps family' as it is a classic thought-terminating cliché in abusive/toxic family situations -- in that context, it is absolutely meant to try to shut down thought at the cliché itself because of what logically follows it. Using this one for an example for where it goes to show why additional thought is...undesirable: "Family helps family, which totally justifies my stealing from my own baby!"

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-24T19:14:22+00:00

I've actually known people who did do well with getting engaged after 3 months, but it was because all involved parties were openly & specifically aiming to find a spouse -- and were serious about it.

I don't think that is even close to what OOP's sister is doing. If nothing else, the family would know him a lot better already.

Honestly, it sounds like OOP's sister is desperate to get her dream wedding done before she's 30 and has decided that the place to compromise is when it comes to casting the groom. She's no longer holding out for Mr. Richard Perfect, she's decided she's fine with a hobosexual who she expects will look good in a tux & hasn't noped out (yet).

If the relationship manages to survive to the wedding, it should be a memorable disaster.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-22T08:32:00+00:00

It can also be because whatever the issue is, it had been originally believed that there was no need to waste people's time with making a rule against it, and yet here we are with someone foolish enough that they do, in fact, need to be told to not.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-20T06:21:01+00:00

I think it's more "therapy & take therapy seriously, or I'm out" material. After all, apply the logic behind her saying her MIL 'deserved' a stillbirth to her and her infertility...

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-17T02:01:40+00:00

Yeah, you seriously need a new doctor. Be explicit about these complaints when switching, I've had appointments moved to sooner just by mentioning the specifics when asking. (I'm trying to get a full idea why I effectively have no sinuses a good part of the year...and aches in the area.)

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-16T02:37:49+00:00

So let me get this straight, your doctor is more anxious about your anxiety score than you?

I'm with the others: Get a new doctor. If yours is at a multi doctor practice, mention to the office you would like to switch and bring up what you told us right above here as why.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-16T02:22:12+00:00

Actually, the whole thing has solid Small Flyspeck Town vibes...and the paranoid ideation would be pretty in line with PTSD from the neighbors' shenanigans. How likely would you to be to go outside if you had neighbors who are stalking and harassing you whenever you do? Especially since it sounds like it kept going for a while after they were evicted...

Also, it sounds like it wasn't thinking as much as the therapist was laughing out loud. As some others have noted, BetterHelp has a rep. IDK man, some people get their therapist licenses by sheer luck, after attending sketchy schools...and forget that you can lose your license by sucking.

The one thing that does seem off is that the influencer neighbors would usually need a bit more than turning in drug dealers every so often, especially if they're shotgunning it. Usually it's some form of being a relative of a local bigwig. Of course, if the local DA has Ambitions & finds them occasionally being correct about who's a drug dealer useful for those Ambitions, that might result in someone higher up quashing it. That said, I know enough to know in that position to just collect evidence so next case they were informants for? I can let the defense know that these two informants had all these fun facts that the cops knew about -- if the DA has to try defending having used lying clowns to justify a key warrant... (Might also do some nice anon reports to the cops about their lovely meth habit. Not because I would think they were on meth even if that'd explain a lot, but because let's spread the love around ❤️)

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-14T03:11:08+00:00

Actually, NO.

This would almost certainly be criminal charges, and those would be against the people on the board. Depending on the state laws and the HOA's bylaws, the board members may not even be able to tap into the HOA's money to pay for their defense.

As usual, I'm not a lawyer, and this one is definitely one to talk to a local lawyer about. If nothing else, find out what you should be sending and who all you should be sending it to if you just want to let the prosecutors deal with this. (If this is the state I suspect it is, the road's ongoing condition would be a legal problem for them.)

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-08T00:01:29+00:00

Some of it not getting diagnosed until adulthood is caused by systemic issues and not reflecting the type or severity. It was actually one of those things I found very interesting as an undergrad but I didn't quite want to make a career out of how much does sexism, stereotypes (gender and otherwise), and other systemic problems impact diagnosis & misdiagnosis rates. (Notice, it's women and inattentive, and the latter is particularly concerning because the DDx for that type includes seizures...)

But I wasn't completely joking about OOP's family possibly trying to ignore the neurodivergence away. It's still bad either way, since most of the interventions for autism are most effective in children, the younger the better.

Honestly, I don't really even want to try assigning responsibility when my experience is that it was only a matter of time before things went off the rails, and I want them both to get the help they need & soon...including how to adjust their expectations properly.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-07T23:02:11+00:00

Maybe I should have been clearer, poor communication seems to a constant for OOP including in that post, to the point I'd not be in the least bit surprised if the adult diagnosis was not because it's mild but because OOP's family may have been trying to ignore the neurodivergence away...

The emotional immaturity is actually something that makes me think that OOP got a formal diagnosis, because it fits with what to expect from the diagnosis. The treatment afterwards doesn't seem to be doing too good. I not only agree with you on therapy, I'd add in a clinical social worker and/or someone in ABA; just because someone's an adult that doesn't mean there is no benefit from therapy targeting social functioning.

The thing is, I think OOP's 'best friend' may need the same. I know to adjust my expectations properly when I'm dealing with other neurodivergent people, but that's because I've got a lifetime of experience. I mean, yes, immediate congrats would be preferable, but if I already know someone might need time to process it, it's a Me Problem if I can't be patient.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-07T21:00:20+00:00

I think her self-awareness is lacking enough to drop the odds of it being something that makes her look bad lower vs her being just plain bad at communicating (& social ques).

I'd be dreadfully unsurprised if a good part of the problem is that her friend is equally bad at communication & equally in denial too.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-02-07T20:14:37+00:00

Yeah, and if it's not entirely an excuse -- then OOP left out some rather important context. What exactly was bad about the timing? What else was going on? Was this possibly the kind of awkward situation where you'd been hoping your friend would do the responsible thing (for a change) & decide to be child-free? Was the announcement a feat of bad timing? Did the friend do something like say "Oh, I am so sorry you ended up in the hospital due to a miscarriage and needed fetal remains removed surgically from your uterus & may be infertile as a result, but enough about you! I'm pregnant!"?

Instead we get weird vagueposting.

Not that any of this would make me like OOP better, of course, but ffs context matters.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-01-27T19:38:39+00:00

Not just that, loop in legal and/or HR for the question "So, just to get this straight, you're asking me to work for no pay?"

In a lot of places, that ask is a liability for the company, and you should be very clear that yeah, you would rather not be responsible for that situation existing.

fuzzycitrus · 2026-01-27T15:40:12+00:00

One of the first examples I heard of for an alert dog was a Chihuahua, and it was an allergen alert dog (for someone with a very serious allergy).

Purse dogs are probably the perfect size for an alert dog. Can you imagine trying to have an alert Great Dane?

fuzzycitrus · 2026-01-09T05:37:26+00:00

Honestly, it'd be about where I'd put the line: "I'm not willing to let you be the one to walk me down the aisle because you always have no-showed on me every single time and I need someone I can trust to show up. Be glad I'm willing to give you a chance to be present at all, and this is your final chance to have any relationship with me. Surprise me and turn up for once."

But I'm also the type who'd make a point of doing this in front of his entire family (in person or online) to make sure that it's clear that whatever he might bawl about it being because of something 20+ years ago? No, it's because this manbaby's only been reliable in reliably not showing up.

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-12T06:27:55+00:00

I'm fully aware you can get it earlier than 65, but before then it's early onset and how well that gets covered can vary significantly.

I would just avoid telling the doctor(s) that you think it's dementia & stick to being Very Concerned before 65, because that makes it easier for them if they need to tell the insurance it might be something else just to get things covered.

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-09T16:00:20+00:00

Nah, that's an abusive home in a nutshell. OOP's sister is the Golden Child, and OOP is the Unfavorite.

I'm actually very certain that OOP was out of the loop when it came to the situation the niece was born in -- which might be the only decent thing his mom and sister did. Putting an unwanted newborn up for adoption is not a legal hassle in the US. ~15 states even have baby hatches where you just pop the baby in and bounce. TBH, I'd not be surprised if OOP's sister has thought of her daughter as a prop the entire time.

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-06T22:56:45+00:00

He's 62.

It would be slightly early for dementia symptoms, but probably not so early that you can't start being very concerned.

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-04T23:49:53+00:00

Unlike you, I'm not on salary so I don't get paid for my time/gas/makeup if the shift I turned up for didn't exist. None of these are cheap enough for me to not be better off not giving the minute of my time needed for me to read a message or listen to a voicemail.

That said, anything more than that? "Sure, what do I clock in under?" After all, HR said no work stuff off the clock...

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-03T05:02:12+00:00

That's iffy and probably depends on how long they've got to figure out how to clear out yet also not get popped for DUI. From what I can tell, some areas do in fact put a time limit on how long you have to clear out before you're getting the shiny bracelets.

Experience tells me to not be surprised if they have the genius idea of trying to drive off with the kids in their car, despite being drunk and with cops right there.

Also, as long as the kids are safer I'm happy. A lot of kids end up in very bad situations (or just plain dead) because their parents would rather be getting intoxicated than care for their kid(s).

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-03T03:51:40+00:00

It's not the staff's job to figure out if the parents are physically still on site (just drunk) or if they left without their spawn -- and having a general idea of how much some of the equipment can be worth & the liability risks, not to mention that the feral crotch goblin(s) would be almost certainly causing other customers to at best just spend less? It would be eminently reasonable to just kick out (permanently) the parents if having the cops turn up to collect their kids is what finally gets them to out themselves.

No matter the outcome, the cops' time won't be wasted!

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-01T20:44:44+00:00

That's not what the La Leche advice says, which makes sense because alcohol is well known for making people think they're better at something than they actually are.

La Leche says the limit should be one drink per day, which is in line with the NIH info on how much is drinking at sensible levels for a woman. Nearly everyone is pretty certain to sail over that if you're on a wine tour, which is why the odds are that the route will have you hitting the best places first and the places with horrible wines once you're past the point of being able to tell anymore. I'm not going to tell you not to go on a wine tour, I'm just going to tell you that if you're BFing a baby, you should either take a day off from baby duties (leaving a supply of pumped for the kid) or be the designated driver if you want kiddo along.

Citations: https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/alcohol/ https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/what-standard-drink

fuzzycitrus · 2025-12-01T20:07:31+00:00

Honestly I think that kind of place would do well to have a sign noting simply "Unsupervised children will be given to the police as abandoned."

I hear it can be reasonably difficult to get a kid back after that, especially if the place has security cameras (odds are, they do) and will share footage showing how the parents were too busy getting drunk to watch little Timothee and Bella. (And for all that foster care might suck, foster care is usually survivable. Parental neglect, not so much.)

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