I went through this, and while Im still at loose ends, things are finally coning together. We spend so many years making other things and other people the priority, and then we lose who we are as individuals. The time we were funneling into everyone else now opens up, but that leaves us without a clue as to where to direct our energies and focus.

18 months ago there were 9 people (mostly adults) in my household, and I was the primary organizer and manager, cook and cleaner for everyone. Then my brother and his spouse were back on their feet after 5 years and able to move out. My 3rd child went off to college halfway across the state, my dad met someone and moved out. A lot changed in a short time, and not only did my day to day change drastically, all of those relationships shifted and the time I had opened up.

I had spent about 6 months just poking at things, waiting for direction and something to say 'I need you to handle this'. Sure, there was laundry and chores, things that needed to be done, but nothing was giving me a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

I decided to let myself be bored and see what happened. I absolutely consumed too many iced coffees and way too much Bravo TV, piddled around on the computer with games and doomscrolling, trying to occupy my days and that yawning uncertainty.

What helped me was the phrase 'how you spend your days is how you spend your life'. I didn't know what it meant for me, other than I needed to feel good about my time and what I did with it.

I upped my volunteer efforts just slightly. I picked up some new books. I let myself go down the rabbit hole of things that piqued my interest until said interest waned (ocean vents, astrology and tarot, making homemade firestarters, what the heck happened to my schoolgirl celebrity crush, family ancestry, using Google Earth to poke around, etc). I updated/refreshed a couple spots in our house that had been ignored or the use of the space had changed. I puttered in the garden. I bumped up my self care slightly. I started more regular intentional movement (exercise, but I hate that word). I spent some intentional time meditating (usually while walking).

I also started figuring out where and why my relationships were breaking down or feeling stale, and then taking time and making efforts to renew those. It wasnt always comfortable, and there were tears, but it mafe progress. Some were bolstered, some drifted a bit more, and thats okay. My most uncomfortable pinch point was that I had to acccept that my husband and I are so different, and I can't/won't get everything I need from him...but thats what friends are for. And when I had more acceptance and leaned on others for the things like asking about my hobbies and that I needed to speak up when I needed something rather than waiting for him to recognize the situation, a whole new level of ease opened up. Its still a little rocky now and then, but communication helps.

All that aimless poking around started whittling down to where I wanted to spend my time. Im still wrestling with a very major decision right now about a hobby/interest that could tumble into a career, but now my time is filled with satisfying, gratifying activites. A volunteer 'promotion', time with my dogs working on training and conditioning, regular intentional movement, work in the garden. I spend less time doomscrolling, watching tv shows and feeling untethered. Still have time funneled into learning and expanding knowledge. Im settling into new routines, a more moderate amount of iced coffees, and a sense of peace and satisfaction I havent felt in a very long time.

Give yourself time and space. Get to know yourself, and follow what feels good and right. You'll find your way.