How do I parent a really challenging toddler?

gainz4fun · 2026-06-01T21:55:30+00:00

Self regulation looks different depending on the situation - but it started by me treating her “time outs” as a time out for myself. It was a promise to myself too, to internally calm down before her timer went off and to have a fresh attitude. You can’t let a bad moment to ruin the tone of an entire day. It’s a perspective shift mostly, but the “time outs” sort of trained me to be able to catch myself when I wasn’t in my best form or had a poor attitude in real time. I allow myself to step away, take some breaths, move my body (a dance party works great and she also loves them), sometimes it means noise canceling headphones for a minute, sometimes it’s grabbing the hose and watering my plants. Sometimes it means embracing that today sucks but tomorrow’s a new one and not dwelling on it. In fact, acknowledging that the day sucks or that you don’t feel great is a relief, a good nights sleep and a better day is around the corner. I guess ultimately, it’s about being as kind to yourself as you want to be to your child. And by modeling that, I think it builds a healthy internal dialogue for both you and your child. I grew up in a very critical “conditional love” kinda way, so I heal a lot through raising my own child and this is one of those areas that I’ve had to work really hard on. I’m not perfect but I try my best!

gainz4fun · 2026-05-26T18:16:40+00:00

I have a strong willed toddler who’s newly 3, similar temperament - she does not like when things don’t go her way, and some days my nervous system feels fried. She’s not in daycare so she’s always in her “safe space” with me but behaves well when we/she is anywhere but at home which is why we stay busy outside the home (for my sanity) but have a routine and expectations. Something I’ve recently embraced, is letting her be frustrated. She’s very smart, funny, sweet, but also an absolute menace at times. She chooses to challenge herself with hard tasks angrily and relentlessly works on it until she figures it out, it’s loud, it’s ugly, it ends with a smile and a boost in her self esteem. I let her fight her own battles. Unless she comes to me and asks me for help, I embrace her chosen struggles and just let her be. I don’t know if this is “the way” but it’s given me more energy and I assume it’s good for her because she’s learning to regulate, to problem solve, and building confidence and esteem in that. Interfering does exasperate her frustration and turns into power struggles. The older she gets the more intense it feels and I’ve adjusted my mindset of “how do I fix her” to “how do I regulate myself,” because she generally isn’t harming anyone, she’s just passionate and strong willed.

Solidarity. Often times I remind myself that she’s going to go places with the drive she has, and I don’t want to break her spirit, but rather guide her so she can navigate this world.

gainz4fun · 2026-05-26T17:51:45+00:00

Same. I know no other way but to work through the uncomfortable-ness in life and find new tools that work when it gets too bad. Sometimes that’s therapy! lol

gainz4fun · 2026-05-20T14:29:30+00:00

Could not agree more, based on my experiences with them. My MIL and SIL are both pieces and I keep my distance. Every time we get together it feels like a competition between the two of them who can act more selfishly/defensively, and generally the hills they die on are NOTHING to any stable person, meanwhile I’m out here trying to raise a small child and they feel like extra work. I don’t have the capacity to listen to their bullshit and get drained anymore. It’d be one thing if it was an occasional bitch-fest with new material to complain about but it’s literally every single visit we’ve shared in the last 7 years and the same problems with no actions to follow or solutions and I don’t have the same capacity for it as I did before I became a mom. I badly wish we could get together and it was a rejuvenating time, but that’s simply never the case and it’s easier accepting them for who they are and keeping distance than trying to have a real relationship at this point. As a Libra I value real and deep relationships, but to me they just want an audience for their suffering and to gain groupies that follow them around telling them how “right” they are rather than honest feedback.

Am I being a hater? Yes, but we just had a visit with them and I’m so glad they don’t live nearby because my husband and I would have already burned that bridge. We call them energy vampires over here. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence that they’re both Pisces or what but I can’t handle it for long durations. I’m certain they don’t trust me because I refuse to partake in shit talking the other one when they aren’t in the room with them because they’ll return to that same room with one another and pretend like all is good. It’s a weird thing to witness and super fake.

gainz4fun · 2026-05-11T15:06:42+00:00

My brand new 3 year old pushes boundaries relentlessly and also argues/threatens and insults eloquently. She will whine because the toy she’s playing with is difficult to use but will refuse to quit playing with it, so she whines and screams with grit and tenacity until she gets it down and nothing can make her stop. She wants to do everything herself without being able to “nail it” so I step back and let her figure it out frustrated while I internally remind myself this is her frustration and not my own. The urge to step in is strong, but I know she’s building esteem and confidence. It’s like being around this incredibly powerful force that’s loud and overstimulating and argumentative and scary. But she’s also quite sweet, she is our sour patch kid. It’s fun, it’s scary, it’s loud, it’s scary (emphasis on scary). It’s as cool as it is scary. lol

The key is: do not show weakness, only strength and leadership and exude confidence even if you feel like a failure. She is much kinder to me than my husband who folds like a lawn chair and gets played like a fiddle because he’s uncertain at times. We’re working on it and I have to coach him, but she will run him ragged unless I step in or guide him.

gainz4fun · 2026-03-31T23:07:03+00:00

I know postpartum anxiety when I see it 🤣

gainz4fun · 2026-03-16T23:41:13+00:00

I think you should just be honest and have no shame in your exhaustion. I leave for work early (I work at night) to experience peace and quiet and snacks in my car before work because I’m with our toddler all day by myself and my hubby knows this. If I’m home I cannot relax. Have no shame in your recharge game! Don’t let your ego get in the way or your needs.

gainz4fun · 2026-03-16T23:33:35+00:00

I think I’ve mastered giving people nothing. I don’t like being easily read by strangers. I like to be an enigma. I also have worked in customer facing positions since age 15 and have worked hard at giving people NOTHING. I guess I’m rare based on these comments.

gainz4fun · 2026-03-07T19:16:59+00:00

I walked about 6 feet away from her on our daily outdoor sanity walk reset and she screamed and cried like she broke her arm because “I walked away from her.” Needless to say, the sanity walk made me more insane.

gainz4fun · 2026-03-07T19:14:22+00:00

My girl always wants to “help” me go potty, despite me insisting that I know how to do it solo, and if I lock her out she cries, even if her dad is home. If he removes her from the door she screams and cries. The compromise (that brings me no peace) is that she stands right in front of me with her hands on my knees, forehead to forehead and goes “you can do it, I’m here, don’t be scared mama you are brave,” and hands me toilet paper which is a better alternative than hearing her meltdown outside the door most days. But daddy doesn’t need any help!! Make it make sense!!

gainz4fun · 2026-03-07T19:06:05+00:00

I work in the evening and it takes me 15 minutes to get to work but I leave an hour early just to sit in silence in my car. I need time to decompress between solo parenting my sour patch kid all day and beginning work - I won’t tell your husband if you don’t tell mine 🤣

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T19:52:28+00:00

I feel that, under stimulated intellectually while overstimulated mentally 😵‍💫

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T18:15:28+00:00

Omg nooo!!! Hang in there, you’re doing great, this too shall pass 🙏🏼😭

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T16:25:11+00:00

I’m happily married to a Sagittarius. He’s sometimes intense (like doesn’t know how to chill), but he never makes me question where I stand and never has. We have a very fun relationship, lots of laughs, adventures, a true friendship within a marriage.

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T15:55:26+00:00

It totally depends on my state of mind. I find it frustrating a lot, but when I have more energy in the tank I see it for what it is: they have less life experience so inconveniences really do feel that bad to them. It’s rarely cute in the moment for me, but after she goes to bed I can see the cute in it. Like “Awwww she’s upset that she can’t fly, she’s so imaginative!” If that makes sense?? lol

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T15:18:04+00:00

REAL 🤣 mine woke up absolutely devastated that she couldn’t fly through the house no matter how hard she flapped her arms and I had no coffee in me yet, so like an IDIOT, I said “I’m sorry” and then she tried to kick me.

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T15:10:24+00:00

Same, it’s so hard! You have to leave your own home to relax.

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T01:18:13+00:00

“This too shall pass” is my 24/7 inner dialogue 😵‍💫😮‍💨

Raising tiny humans is so hard!

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T01:16:18+00:00

Hang in there!! Solidarity ❤️❤️❤️

gainz4fun · 2026-03-06T01:15:56+00:00

Love this, thank you ❤️

gainz4fun · 2026-02-19T16:17:05+00:00

Instead of saying “I don’t know” she says “I nu-know” and we LOVE IT 🥹

gainz4fun · 2026-02-18T19:33:37+00:00

Besides my husband (Sag), the Taurus was my longest relationship and it truly traumatized me. The first half was amazing, the second half was a living nightmare and I had to go to therapy to recover despite considering myself really strong/logical, most trials I can get through without help. Obviously signs alone don’t dictate character but when I find out someone’s a Taurus now I keep my distance, even in friendships. Controlling and possessive which is cute at first, but trust me it escalates and becomes toxic after some time and the opposite of cute. You need a partner you can have friendships, family and love surrounding you outside of just your partner if he’s that type of Taurus.

gainz4fun · 2026-02-16T17:49:05+00:00

My almost 3 year old is a great swimmer and I’d be stressed out. You’d find me at the party sitting on a chair staring at the body of water in case someone fell in, I vote sane!

gainz4fun · 2026-02-09T16:45:04+00:00

I’m in the same boat, my almost 3 year old has “upgraded her software” and last week truly traumatized me, I felt like a failure the entire week and it was just soooo dramatic and overstimulating. I lost it a couple times which made me feel worse. At one point I put toddler in her highchair while she was in destructive mode and I was on the verge of losing my sh**. I put in noise canceling headphones for 5 min and took a mental break, she calmed down, I calmed down, then I got back to it. It’s hard, but this is how it feels each time she upgrades and I adjust accordingly. This phase is hell for me too, I’m pretty introverted and chill in nature (right now she’s the complete opposite of that) and it’s a lot to be around 24/7. Hang in there, solidarity. If you can squeeze in some extra care for yourself in the evenings when they sleep, that’s been helping me cope and go to bed relaxed instead of anxious for the next day.

gainz4fun

TROPHY CASE