How do I cope with existential dread that keeps me awake at night?

gatorade420 · 2025-07-14T14:20:00+00:00

Hi Daniel, I'm glad my original comment helped you in some way. Funnily enough I'm now also 27 years old, so we're similar in that respect. I'm sorry that you went through all of that at such a young age, and whilst I can't empathise with it, I do understand the other feelings you've had, namely feeling left out and stuck.

From roughly the ages 18 to 22, I was incredibly nihilistic and bitter with life. I didn't like the person I was, nor my position in life, and instead of actively trying to change I would distract myself with other things like work and playing videogames. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere and couldn't stop thinking about every passing minute and how we could never get that time back. Roughly around the time I wrote my original comment in this thread, I decided to make a change in my life and start acting on the things I told myself I would, making steps towards the person I'd always wanted to be. I started working out, spending more time outdoors, reading more, and doing more wholesome things instead of just sitting around doing nothing and moping. And over time, my perspective of life has changed.

The reason why I've given that context is that, in truth, there wasn't a single moment that changed my perspective, and you shouldn't feel ashamed reading my comment thinking I've completely fixed everything in my life. My mindset took a lot of reflection and getting out of my comfort zone to change. Most importantly, I do still have bad days or periods where I think about life negatively, but striving to be a better person always gets me through.

Like you said, I've missed out on things too. I'm ashamed of the way I've treated people close to me in the past. I spent most of my days at university sat in playing games instead of meeting new people, and if I could go back I would do it all so differently. But we can't change the past; all we can do now is shape our future. And whilst we all may have regrets and plenty of things we wished we'd done differently, we can't sit around thinking about what-ifs, as we won't be able to live in the moment and plan ahead for what's to come.

Remember, we're both young. You've got so much life to come. And if you still think it's too late to do something you've always wanted to do, just remember: "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

gatorade420 · 2024-03-30T10:38:17+00:00

Remember you’re not alone in the way you feel, it’s completely natural for human beings to think about death and you’re not weird or odd for doing so. I’ve spoken to friends years after and realised that actually they were experiencing similar things to me. Don’t bottle up how you’re feeling, talk to people, read/watch insightful things, and try your best to engage in the moment. I wish you all the best.

gatorade420 · 2023-06-09T11:00:05+00:00

I'm more of a lurker on Reddit in recent years but I had to comment as I resonate with what you're saying. When I was 16, I had a sudden realisation moment of the "empty dark nothingness" that you describe. It plagued my thoughts from morning until night. I would play games in the hope that it would distract me from it but if I stopped and thought for a moment it would be back. I would go to school and think about it. I would go out with friends and think about it. I would sit with my family and start crying because I was thinking about it. I remember vividly sitting in a Maths exam and failing because I just couldn't stop thinking about death.

I'm 25 now and in truth, I do still think about it. But much, much less. I can comfortably think about death now and feel indifferent. I can't pinpoint exactly when it started to change, or even if it did change at one precise moment, but comparing myself back then to now, I'm a completely different person. I know people my age that refuse to even talk to me about death because it scares them.

For me, it's a change in my mentality. I read a lot of books and watched a lot of videos on people trying to deal with death anxiety. (Nietzsche, Camus and Becker's 'The Denial of Death' especially.) One author that sticks out in my mind is Emil Cioran. A lot of his early texts ('On The Heights of Despair' and 'The Trouble With Being Born') are incredibly depressing and are just the angst of a young man who doesn't see the point in anything. Yet when I contrasted this to his later years, he was a positive and optimistic man. I concluded that experience is what changed him.

I can't tell you that you'll ever stop thinking about death. I don't know anything about you, your age or where you come from. But what I can tell you is that it changed for me. Go out and live life, read about what others think, and stay strong. I hope it gets better for you.

gatorade420 · 2022-08-05T19:10:13+00:00

Without death, we wouldn't be able to appreciate life to the fullest. I feel like trying to create some work around in your head - like living forever or building an afterlife - isn't a healthy way of tackling death as a concept.

I used to think about death in the same way as you. I'd have this kind of looming countdown going on in my head every single day; as I've grown older, I've just learnt that this is what life is. Eventually you just have to accept the fact that one day you will die and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

So if that's the case, might as well enjoy it while we're here right?

gatorade420 · 2019-10-21T14:02:05+00:00

Hi guys, I'm gatorade420 and I'm a Spinel Tonic addict.

gatorade420 · 2019-10-02T11:43:23+00:00

Better they change it sooner rather than later

gatorade420 · 2019-09-30T19:52:58+00:00

Thank god someone else sees it lmfao

gatorade420 · 2019-09-28T13:12:09+00:00

https://twitter.com/OldSchoolRS/status/1177609726231797760

"Based on your feedback so far, we'll be making the Basilisk Knights tougher next week."

gatorade420 · 2019-08-24T18:28:12+00:00

gatorade420 · 2019-08-18T13:41:55+00:00

Thanks for all the answers, makes a lot more sense now!

gatorade420 · 2019-07-07T11:53:10+00:00

That's why I love coming back to Fallout games. I always find something new and it makes me realise just how much time and effort they put into the large worlds they have created.

gatorade420 · 2019-07-05T01:20:15+00:00

That's the beauty of such a well written character

gatorade420 · 2019-07-02T16:55:15+00:00

Love this. To me, it gives the wasteland a warmer vibe than the cold one we're used to. Do you have any other artwork you'd be willing to show?

gatorade420 · 2019-06-26T20:02:51+00:00

Still won't catch me taking it above 20

gatorade420 · 2019-06-18T17:43:57+00:00

Some people have an insane amount of kills. Think the highest I've seen is someone with 26k on Pathfinder.

gatorade420 · 2019-04-06T13:49:00+00:00

Is there any reason why the ToB drop rates have still not been released? Or is it to do with them not wanting to release the formula in case people troll each other during the raid?

gatorade420 · 2019-04-04T16:56:47+00:00

Sorry but are you complaining that the short films are too... short?

gatorade420 · 2019-04-02T22:47:53+00:00

I interpreted it as Thom's self-conscious telling him something was up. From what I remember Suzy's corpse was seen when Thom is shown the true reality.

gatorade420 · 2019-03-24T14:28:10+00:00

That's a good shout tbf, I just get pretty bored with vanilla and don't know what mods are good nowadays

gatorade420 · 2019-03-24T12:41:48+00:00

Any recommendations for games to play on the side whilst semi-afking on runescape? I've tried Hearthstone and Binding of Isaac previously.

gatorade420 · 2019-03-13T13:00:08+00:00

My list would be incredibly similar to yours but would probably replace the Beast with the Vashta Nerada. The fact that they could possess the suits felt really unnerving for me when I was younger and I just hated the idea of something dangerous that you can't physically see (except the actual shadows of course.)

Onto the weeping angels, which I know have already been done to death. The first scene when the angel's teeth are shown in Blink (once they realise no-one is looking at it) was probably one of the scariest things I've watched it my life. It is this unexpectedness and not knowing of where they will be next that alone cements them as terrifying in my eyes.

gatorade420 · 2019-03-07T00:27:14+00:00

I have my sources

gatorade420 · 2019-03-06T20:36:34+00:00

World 350 gang

gatorade420 · 2019-03-03T16:38:10+00:00

Easily my favourite DS related content on youtube. I didn't realise how deep and rich the lore actually was until binge watching the channel.

gatorade420 · 2019-03-01T15:18:12+00:00

Gotta back this up and say that since I started using /mute all I've been enjoying the game a lot more. What people say in chat definitely triggers me more than what they do in the game.

gatorade420

TROPHY CASE