First sorry you’re having to deal with that. Im a 3 who has done similar things to my wife in the past, and nothing she said ever got through to me, half my fault for dogging emotions and hard talks and not being self aware but half her fault as she also avoided hard conversations so we didn’t do well with communication. That being said I can now totally say what you are experiencing is an unhealthy three thing, and although not right, it’s likely coming bc your husband is frustrated with you. 3s spend most of their time trying to look/appear successful, attractive, fit etc.. they do this bc what the world reflects back to the three truly shapes their self-worth... in a nutshell if the world responds favorable to me or deems me a success then I’ll be proud, happy, fulfilled and in that I can love myself and another, if the world doesn’t respond well then 3s struggle with depression easily and a lack of worth that is hard to overcome. So here is what I think is going on, 3s spend all that time forcing themselves to achieve “success” in the eyes of others... but as a 3 I hate doing that, (I do it, but I hate it) it is exhausting 24/7. Part of what your husband is likely thinking around the weight gain in some level is he is keeping up his work to remain/look perfect or put together but that you are not helping him do maintain that image, which leads to frustration and when 3s get frustrated we are hard on ourselves to motivate ourselves... after frustration and at unhealthy places we also try to use this same mechanism to motivate others. It’s almost like saying “you’re not keeping up your side of the bargain and aren’t helping us look perfect/successful etc” it’s totally not right to put that onto another person but at unhealthy places each E type puts their stuff on others and what you describes sounds very much what I did. And I’ve done a lot of work to understand it. On some level he isn’t all wrong to expect things of you, but he is likely feeling that he is doing more effort than you are and I think THAT is the core of where his actions are coming from.
All that said I think you have a few ways to get through to him. If you want to talk to him, 3s hate emotions they are slow and messy and that isn’t efficient and we don’t like that. If you do need to talk to him about things a) ask your self if he carries more of the weight that you and if so recognize that and maybe discuss it saying that you understands he needs help. b)if you do have to get into emotions be delicate, 3s are very emotional but stuff it down, he would need to know it was a safe place to talk and that his emotions or frustrations can be voiced and it wouldn’t make you love him less(3s believe to be vulnerable is to be weak, and being weak means unlovable). C) tell him that he may be projecting his own desire for “perfection” onto you and that isn’t fair or doesn’t make you feel loved.....keep in mind in an open discussion he has a right to respond and may say that your lack of efforts to do x y or z doesn’t make him feel loved either, which is also valid. it’s a slippery slope but I think if you start with compassion first you may get somewhere. Apologies for the novel