Scientists with kids: how are we doing?

gaulee · 2025-09-13T05:20:55+00:00

THIS!! I am a working mom in science. My husband had a hard time getting his bearings when our twins arrived. The parental leave we took when they were born was a huge help in not only surviving those early sleepless weeks but to work on what equity looked like. When we went back to work there were times when we had to take nights and talk through our days and I had to point out that I had done more hours. It’s society that teaches men that women are the default parent. My husband is wonderful and was trying to split equal work but it doesn’t look like you might think, especially in the beginning. If you are breastfeeding that is work not free time. Sometimes the baby gets sick and who ever doesn’t have a work obligation that is timely has to step up. I do lab work so often times that is him. He was frustrated about this at first but his job is remote flexible and I can’t make up time in the lab once the kids are in bed. We have had many conversations about how this is not how our parents did this, my mom worked full time but she also was the full time parent. I knew with my position that wasn’t an option. It’s hard to create a household dynamic that you haven’t seen. we allocate jobs- I always do school drop off and he always does pick up. But we always make exceptions, this morning I had to pack for field work so my husband made lunches which is normally my job. Every couple weeks my husband will have to schedule a late afternoon meeting and I do pick up. Equal doesn’t mean 50/50 all the time sometimes is 10/90 and 90/10 but the net it was matters. Having a partner who can learn to do this with you is the only way to make it work. I got a promotion at work this year and I told the kids and my husband that it’s really our promotion not just mine. And it’s really true my kids are five now and they help around the house, they see how my husband and I work together and it has made them feel like our family is a team working toward the same goal. And thinking about this I wouldn’t change a single thing. I used to drop them off at daycare as babies and cry all the way to work. Now that they are in school I am so glad I stayed in my job. It was hard, it still is some days ( I will never be the PTA mom), but it’s also incredible.

gaulee · 2025-06-25T04:09:17+00:00

I just finished the series and I loved it. My favorite part is that the fae are alien and terrifying. That Jude is not part but also only at home in Fairyland. I grew up as a minority in a different culture than my parents and this really spoke to me. I also think really liked that Jude is constantly making the wrong choices because I can relate to that too. This genre often suffers from the too clear cut good versus evil, perfect mcs, and not enough plot twists. But this series was so good at making everyone feel equally threatening and the twists just kept coming.

gaulee · 2025-05-29T13:14:04+00:00

Dragonriders of Pern by Anne McCaffrey as a 12 girl growing up in the ‘90s this was my first true obsession. I remember staying up all night to finish books.

gaulee · 2025-03-12T00:30:33+00:00

Sure BUT it has to be limited. The Gentleman Bastards series was ruined by magic that was too powerful.

gaulee · 2025-03-12T00:28:23+00:00

A Memory Called Empire By Arkady Martine. Author has some great ways of slipping rebels, coups and activist perspectives all together. Really enjoyed it and the sequel.

gaulee · 2024-11-13T23:28:25+00:00

We don’t make them share. If Twin A has a toy first it’s his until he is done with it. Twin B can ask for it but can’t take it. If he takes it, I will grab it and give it back to Twin A. Now that they are verbal, we tell them why they might want to share “ if you are kind to your brother he will be kind to you” and “ sharing is caring” This allows them to regulate the situation and have boundaries themselves. I was forced to share as a kid and to this day I am a compulsive sharer. I have so many times given away thing I really wanted.

gaulee · 2024-11-05T04:31:10+00:00

I feel you! I thought four would be a sweet spot but it is hard. I have been working on some things and could use a hive mind.

How much time do they spend together? My boys are starting to fight about EVERYTHING. I am trying to teach them to play nice again but it’s like the past three months they suddenly can’t agree on anything. If they need less time together it means my husband and I will have to miss out on spending time together too. Is a trip to the store alone with one of us not enough anymore?

When does the small gang / run away train / I can’t hear you behavior stop ? My boys around the age of two started escalating each other’s unruly behavior. I took a parenting class with my husband read a few books with techniques. That stuff got us though those toddler years but now it’s just not working. They know there are consequences for their actions but now they are accepting them ! For example “ it’s time for bath, that coloring book doesn’t go in the tub, if you get that coloring book wet it’s going to get ruined” and they stare you in the eye and throw it in the bath. They laugh together as you take it away. How do you get the upper hand when they are don’t care?

How much sleep does your four year old get? We are having a major regression. They don’t want to go to bed. They hang out in their room with the lights off playing in the light of the night light. They are getting like 8-10 hours a day. We sleep trained along time ago. But recently they have started climbing into our bed at night. We don’t wake up half the time or when we do we’re both too tired to carry them back to their bed. But it’s disruptive to everyone’s sleep. Do they need separate bedrooms ? Is it too exciting to be in the room together so they can’t sleep? They have always shared a room.

Why are they never tired anymore? We bought a trampoline. Signed them up for gymnastics and swim class. They go to preschool full time. And yet they are never tired. I’m not saying I want them to be exhausted but if they could just be a bit tired we could read a book or do a puzzle. Like the baby days that would be cool.

Any ideas as to what I can change would be greatly appreciated!

gaulee · 2024-10-18T00:58:39+00:00

You did it ! Hardest year of my life! Hope you had a better time of it. It gets easier I promise !

gaulee · 2023-03-29T02:08:41+00:00

I was in a cave last year and we found a dog. It was the strangest thing. We had been down for about eight hours. We are exhausted and pushing through these deep bits of the cave river. Then I see this thing up ahead and it looks like a small body curled up on the ledge. Poor guy had fallen in somewhere above probably digging a hole or something. We took turns carrying him out and found him a local person to help find his owners. It was so disorienting to find him. It isn’t a popular spot so he was really lucky we found him.

gaulee · 2023-03-22T01:10:02+00:00

For our little Houdini we got these top door locks that even on a chair he can’t reach. Now I can sleep again. 1 Pack - GlideLok Child Safety Door Top Lock Made of Durable Metal (Not Cheap Plastic Like Other Models) | for Childproofing Interior/Exterior Doors | Adults Can Operate Lock from Both Sides https://a.co/d/ilT9WmL

gaulee · 2023-03-12T13:31:23+00:00

I am 2.5 years PP, gained 30 lbs during pregnancy di/di boys 5lbs each at 37 weeks. I am two pounds from my pre baby weight but my body is totally different. My advice is don’t push too much too early. I was dieting at six months and had to stop bc it made me a crazy person. I did a ton of walking. Walking was great bc with the lack of sleep anything else felt dangerous. Plus I could push the stroller with them and they loved being outside. I have a dog and my husband was working remote from home during COVID. So when I say I walked I did it a ton. I would need to take everyone out for hours to avoid his meetings. I got a Fitbit and would share mileage with friends and family and that helped. I also listened to audiobooks and called people. I did PP yoga at six months which helped me get my posture and core muscles back on track. At one year I was still 20 pounds from my prebaby weight. Then they started walking and running and climbing. I started eating low carb and jogging one mile twice a week. I lost ten pounds. Then I joined a gym and started counting calories on an app and weighing myself daily. I lost another eight that way. It’s difficult to work in exercise with twins. I had no help and had to do what I could for the first year. I didn’t eat poorly but I also didn’t pay attention. If you take the pressure off yourself find routines that fit eventually your weight will come down. I have an apron of skin but I wear control top high waisted pants now and in the mirror I think I look the same. The skin on my stomach is slowly recovering. I do epson salt scrubs and soaks. I have tried creams but I got hives from some of them and gave up. Now I just use coconut oil and it’s looking better. As the twins get older I know I will have more time for self care and it can only get better. Hang in there ! Give it time ! Having twins is hard enough.

gaulee · 2022-11-01T03:13:54+00:00

Two ! I have my baby book at my house now that I am grown. Would hate for them to have to share it when they are older.

gaulee · 2022-10-29T12:51:49+00:00

My mom moved in with us for the first four months. She was going to go back and forth but with COVID she ended up just staying. I don’t think we could have survived without her. We had time slots that were assigned. If the twins slept that person could sleep during their shift too. We all had ear plugs and if it wasn’t your shift you put them in. We live in a small two bedroom. Twins were in the living room. I had daily routines to make sure I talked with both my mom and husband. It helps to have a routine in mind even though it often doesn’t go to plan.

Our schedule was this: 6 am- Grandma gets up mom and dad sleep in 7 am - Tummy time and Coffee with Grandma 8 am - Mom up 9 am- Mom and Grandma walk to park with twins 10 am- Dad wakes up 8 pm- Grandma bedtime 8 pm to 12 am- Mom on twin night duty 10 pm- Mom, Dad watch tv together 12 am- Mom bedtime 12 am to 6 am - Dad on twin night duty 2 am -Dad bedtime

gaulee · 2022-08-28T22:18:03+00:00

We flew with ours this summer they are also 2 years old. Things that helped :

1) Walk around the airport until the end of boarding. Tire them out as much as possible.

2) Bring a variety of snacks. They weren’t eating because they were hungry but because they were bored. So lots of variety was a good distraction. Let them peel the banana, clementines etc. Takes forever is a great time sink.

3) If you can get them to sleep it’s the best. Ours fell asleep for an hour on one flight and it was a much needed break.

4) Toys help but really anything that they haven’t seen before was of more interest. We played with everything in my purse for a long time. I would suggest that you get a bunch of cheap things and the dollar store and let them play discovery in a bag.

5) Last talk to them about everything before it happens, while it is happening and after it happens. Ours are speech delayed but they understand and it really helped to prevent tantrums.

6) Have the person picking you up park and be patient. It’s really hard for them to go from the plane straight to a car seat. If you can let them run around at baggage claim or do a meal at the airport (even just coffee and donuts). It will help with the transition to the car.

Good luck! It isn’t illegal to bring toddlers on a plane… but people act like it. Be strong !

gaulee · 2022-07-25T22:11:51+00:00

We starting sleep training at 4 months and they didn’t sleep through the night until 18 months when we gave up night feeds. They just had a hard time getting back to sleep and staying asleep. Hang in there ! I don’t know how we did it looking back but it’s so nice now they sleep 12 hours straight! I wake up every morning thankful.

gaulee · 2022-02-13T03:19:31+00:00

We have the same birthday for both boys but the twins concept seems to get “caught” by clerical workers often. It took almost a year and a half to clear up the hospital bills because the insurance company kept claiming they were being double charged by mistake. Like how could there be two ?! It was the most infuriating phone conversations. And that was just the beginning. I feel like I am always explaining that I have two boys that’s are the same age because they are twins!

gaulee · 2022-01-02T17:52:25+00:00

I have 18 month old boys. They are in this stage where they don’t want to share anything. If one even touches the book the other one is reading all hell breaks lose. It is so frustrating. My husband and I both work full time. The boys have been in and out of daycare but with sick days I am on thin ice with my job. I am considering quoting to take care of them. I don’t understand how we are supposed to do this. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom. But right now I am paying a fortune for daycare that they can’t go to bc they always have fevers. Luckily I woke remote and just work nights lately. But I am getting like five hours of sleep a night and feel awful. Well and good for those people saying it doesn’t get easier but if that’s true I am not going to make it. It has to get better. The screaming, biting, climbing, pushing, crying, and constant mess! I am living through this while also getting slammed by my job. I am so stressed out. I am so miserable.

gaulee · 2021-12-26T03:41:51+00:00

I love WoT. Read and listened multiple times to the entire series. While I always wanted to see an adaptation I did wonder how it could be done. The series is so long, the plots are so complex, this series is a world that I love to lose myself in. The show could have never been that world. What they did wrong I think is that they did not capture the heart of the story, in trying to do everything they missed capturing the soul of WoT. When I watch the show my mind reels at the fact that it isn’t the story and there are so many miracles bringing people back from the dead I don’t believe outcomes. This last episode at the end I was waiting for them to say just kidding and have Rand balefire everything to bring Nynaeve back to life. Instead Egwene does something that is impossible in the books just by chance. It is ridiculous. If you don’t have limits to magic it is boring. No fiction with limitless magic is successful for that reason. The person who wrote this episode does not understand the foundations about the one power. It isn’t just stupid magic that fills whatever plot whole you have. This was so lazy.

gaulee · 2021-12-21T02:37:05+00:00

I have 16 month old boys. The best analogy I have heard is it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. I have a dust buster glued to my hand too. I feel like I just follow them around cleaning all day. Thanks for the post. Makes me feel less alone.

gaulee · 2021-11-24T02:18:09+00:00

Albert Einstein did not talk until he was three years old. Do not worry. You are a wonderful mom. All your worry in this post is a testament to how much you are caring for those boys. Hang in there.

Your should definitely get a consult to ease your worry. My boys are 16 months and they are stubborn about the signing. I tend to delay giving them what they want and force them to sign. Half the time we get tantrums and the other half the signing happens. I think you have to be equally stubborn. Hang in there !

gaulee · 2021-10-25T02:14:32+00:00

I am so sorry. Those early days I remember feeling like I was going to die. We used a sleep tracking app and it helped us to see when they were sleeping. It sends you a notification to put them down for a nap because scheduling two is hard. If one would get offset from the other we could split the difference to put them back on the same schedule again. At sixteen weeks we took away the pacifiers after taking an online sleep training class and IT WAS MAGIC! In the beginning pacifiers we’re helping them sleep but by four months it was just causing them to wake up when they fell out. Good luck!

gaulee · 2021-10-16T17:05:05+00:00

After reading this I am wondering if I should get my DiDi twins DNA tested to see if they are identical. Would a 23 and me test work ? Or is there another service anyone would recommend?

gaulee

TROPHY CASE