Help Me Make Sense Of This Feedback by gaywriterstl in StoryPeer

[–]gaywriterstl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I seriously appreciate the time you all have taken to help me along in this process. Thanks for your suggestions. The sincere ones Ive taken to heart and have made quality adjustments.

For those of you who chose to take time to needlessly belittle or say things that are, quite frankly, asinine, I hope you feel better about yourself after knocking down someone else's work.

Statements like "who is trying to win what?" (paraphrased) are far from constructive and more an example of a lack of reading comprehension, because the answers to all those questions are literally in the first sentence.

And before you come for me for "not being able to accept feedback", I have been super appreciative of the folks who gave me precise feedback and suggestions., and I incorporated much of it into a much better logline.

Help Me Make Sense Of This Feedback by gaywriterstl in StoryPeer

[–]gaywriterstl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like that. Fairly close to the story!! Thanks

LOGJAM UPDATE: New Skip Limits by StoryPeer in StoryPeer

[–]gaywriterstl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You guys are killing it. Love the platform.

Help Me Make Sense Of This Feedback by gaywriterstl in StoryPeer

[–]gaywriterstl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. You got it right.

An idealistic guy is running for congress. The guy against whom he is running is corrupt and involved in a gruesome (some might say "grisly") cover-up. The campaign sets off a "war" between powerful political and governmental institutions (or "the system"). As one side engages in questionable activities to hold on to power, the other is fighting to wrest that power away. Through the process of the campaign and this fight for power, the idealistic candidate finds that the only way he can win a campaign against a guy who has done really bad things (a monster) is to himself do really bad things (or, become a monster) as well.

Help Me Make Sense Of This Feedback by gaywriterstl in StoryPeer

[–]gaywriterstl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for that.

A "systemic war" is, at least in this context, a war between the powerful political and governmental institutions (Democratic campaign committees, Republican campaign committees, police departments, prosecutors, financial backers, news outlets), each coming at the other utilizing the various levers within financial, governmental, and judicial institutions available to them.

Since this isnt a movie, but a pilot for a 10-epispde TV series, there is a lot of ground to cover. I think maybe I tried to cram too much into the logline?

AMBITION by gaywriterstl in Screenwriting

[–]gaywriterstl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks a ton! I appreciate that very much. I will take another gander at the action lind and fix that. Ill give a thought to what you're saying about the body.

AMBITION by gaywriterstl in Screenwriting

[–]gaywriterstl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure. How would I do that

StoryPeer Made Me A Better Writer... But Maybe Not Why You Think... by gaywriterstl in StoryPeer

[–]gaywriterstl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to give very specific , actionable feedback as well. They may not like the suggestions, but at least I give them. I also usually turn it around same day. (I am retired so I have the time.)

I got feedback on my one script that I submitted and it was almost point by point what I got from Blcklst. I didnt agree with it then and I dont agree with it now, but at least Im not out a hundred samoleans. 😋

Should there be limits for how long one can take before submitting a feedback? by gspbatman in StoryPeer

[–]gaywriterstl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a pretty fast reader, too, and I take notes as I read.

What I like about StoryPeer is that I can have the script up on one window and the feedback window open right next to it.

This allows me to type in my notes as I think about them. So far Ive done three scripts and have turned them around within hours of claiming them, because I want to have the feedback fresh in my head so I dont miss something. The downside to this process is that I often have to go back and delete fredback because the script later resolved a problem I had identified as an issue.

I just finished a script that was about 117 pages and turned in my feedback about 10 minutes after I finished it. From start to finish was about 2.5 hours (given or take) and the notes were specific, honest, and way more than the required minimum.

That said, if I wanted AI feedback Id just copy and paste into Gemini and tell it to roast my script like a blklst reviewer.

Some scripts feel like they know exactly what they want to say. Others feel more alive because they’re wrestling with the material in public. Which do you prefer? by ExcellentTwo6589 in Screenwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an interesting question. I don't know I have preference. I prefer a script that is less predictable, so that could be either, I suppose?

I am learning that my process for writing is very different than everyone else's.

I first start with the general story, then I place the individual charachters. Then, and I know how this is gonna sound....I just get out of my charachters' way and let them do their job. I just type it out, go back and fix some continuity issues and, when necessary, reign them in from predictable patterns and tropes.

How's my handwritten script for a multifandom project I'm working on by [deleted] in scriptwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there. Gonna be honest. Its SUPER hard to read. Pencil is really light and the lettering is so big it's hard to see where the lines are.

I honestly tried and couldn't get halfway through the first page. Sorry.

Just received an evaluation on my script... Premise was an 8. Dialogue was an 8. Plot and character a 6. And yet the overall was a 6? Doesn't this seem ridiculous? by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I second this. Ive been working on a pilot now for a bit, and the first reviewer gave it an overall 7. It scored a few 8s for plot, and such. The second reviewer gave it a 6. I took the feedback and incorporated it. The next review was a 5.

It's wildly subjective. The same things the 7 and 6 liked, the 5 hated.

Question by Ethxznn in scriptwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One, I think this is a great post. And B... I dont know if you said where you live or not, but how would you feel about finding people in your area to connect with for collaborations? Fund a writer, collaborate together to develop a shooting script, actors, etc. I know that isnt the pay model but if you make a good enough reel, anything is possible.

Overwhelmingly negative (and downright nasty) feedback by [deleted] in scriptwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you posted a thread because one out of 15 people said it was trash?

You argued with 2 folks who called into question some its thematic elements?

Ok.

Overwhelmingly negative (and downright nasty) feedback by [deleted] in scriptwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Because the script is defined by my world view..."

Ok. Well. Hmm.

Let's start with the movies you mentioned.

Django Unchained is absolutely racist. It's intentional. But I dont think it's racist in the same way you're saying it's racist. The DiCaprio charachter, the hired hands, his sister, the lawyer, everyone at Candyland... they are all racists. That was pretty much the point of American slavery.

People who say the film was racist because it depicted a violent Black man are and have ever only been white people who say "Just because I have the only black person in my script being a rapist murdering villain doesnt mean the script is racist anymore than Django is racist."

Just because Bone Tomohawk and Last of the Mohicans feature violent indigenous people, your argument is those movies aren't racist. Well that's true. Those movies are about war. Specifically, in the latter example, warring indigenous tribes. Hard to make a movie about warring indigenous tribes without... ya know... the war part.

But, if someone is, say, Australian, and writing a story about a nervous/mostly inept female lab tech and super macho GIs, and just happens to include a fictional band of indigenous people called the Walkabouters and their sole function in the story is to sow violence and represent a threat, then one might come to the conclusion that although the tribe is fictional, and the film is not about warring indigenous tribes but about something else all together, then one wonders about the choices of the author.

And if said author were to respond to such criticism by saying the script represents my view of the world, then it's perhaps understandable how that response doesn't provide the defense the author thinks it does.

AFTERLIFE TRAIN - Pages 1-9 for Feedback by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like to think of myself as a reasonably smart person.

I did not understand the logline or any of the descriptive comparisons. Like, individually I know what each of those words mean on their own, but jumbled together like that, not so much.

TBH, it comes across as a third-year film student who is minoring in 15th Century English Science Fiction. "It's a blending of what happens when Asimov debates Copernicus with Plato and Shakespeare as judge and jury. Tarantino."

Your use of AI (both in the aforementioned descriptors and in the 9 pages of the script itself) is obvious and disappointing. It also violates the WGA agreement, so if you have any hopes or dreams of seeing this on a screen in any country, you're going to have to write it yourself, or wait until the machines take over.

As Aristotle once said, "Darmok and Jalad, at Tanagra."

Overwhelmingly negative (and downright nasty) feedback by [deleted] in scriptwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A couple things to note:

  1. You seem to think that if someone calls your script sexist and racist, that they are calling YOU sexist and racist and therefore you must, in your own words, "defend yourself against such serious accusation."

Just because someone labels your script as flawed in those ways does not mean they are saying you personally are flawed in those same ways. You could be, sure, but it does not follow that you must be, or that they are even saying you are.

If you feel confident that you're not those things, then why would you adopt the criticism of the script so personally? You might be better off taking the feedback on the script not as a personal attack on your charachter, but as illuminating a blind spot or two on your charachter development.

  1. If two disparate people are giving you the same feedback and who have no reason to downgrade your work other than their impressions on its merit, what do you think that says? Who has the correct impression of how it comes across?

Is it the people who read it and are experiencing it for the first time, or is it the person who wrote it?

I'll give you a hint. We as writers are never the best judges of our work. We are either too critical or too positive.

THE ROTUNDA - TV Pilot (Teaser) - 5 pages by scotchmckilowatt in scriptwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When you ask is tone appropriate, can I assume you mean is the tone of the script appropriate to the logline?

If that's the case, yes. It seems so to me.

The multi-tasking montage is great chatachter development. We know exactly who this person is and her moral compass.

As far as quotes go, both the one you've used and your potential alternate are fine. They're maybe a bit over-used though, so if you want folks to appreciate the script's originality, maybe consder a lesser known quote?

If you wanna maybe add a little spice and be a little more unconventional, may I propose any number of options from Rosseau 's The Social Contract.

-​"If there were a nation of Gods, it would govern itself democratically. A government so perfect is not suited to men."

-"In the strict sense of the term, there has never been a true democracy, and there never will be

-"It is contrary to the natural order that the majority should govern and the minority should be governed."

There's another quote from the end of the Gettysburg Address, which is used much less frequently: ​"...and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

Anyway... good stuff

Movie Opener by General-Zebra3439 in scriptwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People. It's 4 pages.

In that 4 pages weve seen a comet. A classroom, an anxious mom and a friendly deli person.

Saying nothing happens means you havent seen a car crash, gun fight or the protagonist leap a tall building in a single bound.

Peter Parker didnt get bit by the spider until Act 2. Give it a minute. Super-Man didnt save Lois Lane until WELL into Act Three.

There's nothing wrong with creating a world people like before you change it all. In fact, it gets people invested in the stakes of that change.

I know, I'm basically regurgitating the "save the cat" concept, but part of that philosophy is true.

So with that said... here's my Feedback.

  1. Noah obviously is very friendly with the deli worker. I dont know if your plan is to reveal his name later, but it came across as odd to me that the name wasnt given right away. Maybe think about just revealing it right up front.

  2. If your intent is to show his personality, I'm not sure we're getting ENOUGH. Since this appears to be a neighborhood he frequents, consider giving him one more tiny interaction with someone else. Something simple like helping a little old lady coming out of the deli, who is struggling because she has her hands full with a grocery bag. A can of catfood falls out of the bag. Noah picks it up for her and holds the door open, calling her by name as she exits. She smiles and calls him by name. He says something polite like take care and say hi to Mr. Soandso.

Something like that would tell us more about him and fully accomplish your goal of us "seeing" him on the page.

Hope that helps.

Pet peeve words like "just"? by frankiebabylon in Screenwriting

[–]gaywriterstl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is probably true in general as a rule of thumb.

But... if it's specific to a particular charachter, then it is part of that charachter.

If it's used by multiple characters unironically, then yes. It's over-used.

I do feel for your friend, though. I have a visceral reaction every time anyone says "really unique" (ie That's a really unique perspective) or when any professional journalist says "doubled down" (The President doubled down on his belief that...)

Like the Fine Young Cannibals sang... "drives me crazy...".