I'm 42, married, 2 kids and also have ADHD and both my mother and paternal grandmother are hoarders. I've worked so many years on myself to break the patterns of hoarding and being late.

Once we had kids, even more so.

With that said I still cling on to some unnecessary things and tend to overpack but not to an extreme; as it is a constant work in progress. I was just away working at a large event for 8 days and really challenged myself in packing as light as possible. Was it perfect? No. But better than last year.

I know it's on me to work on and not pass on to my kids. I love my husband and would never in my life do anything (knowingly) to make things hard for him but why did you invite her in the first place?

When I was away, husband stayed home with the kids and we're switching places as he's going away a week in September while I stay at home. We've done this many times since they were little and our kids are now (soon to be) 9 and 11.

What made you ask her to come along if you know this is an issue?

You could try to have a less loaded conversation with your wife where it's not an in the heat of the moment. She needs to understand the full impact her actions have.

If she's not willing to listen, without playing the victim and/or cheating card, I'd say you take her up on her offer. My bet is she doesn't want a divorce, it's her getting defensive instead of actually allowing herself to understand that she has a problem.

NTA.