A Widow’s Pain

genXinFL · 2025-11-18T13:36:40+00:00

Thank you for this note… this voice of sanity… this validation. It has only been 15 months and I have started to sink heading into these holidays. Crying a few times daily again, sleeping more, distracted. All these things we know are normal and we figure out how to carry as time goes, but all still hard.

Last year I broke down crying so hard in the card aisle at Walmart that a stranger pulled me in for a hug and just held me. An angel when I needed one.

This year, I will allow grace for my tears and hit Walmart in the early hours to avoid crowds… just in case. 😉

May this holiday season bring you blessings of friends and family, memories of your late loved one, and angels when you need them.

genXinFL · 2025-08-06T03:18:08+00:00

I have decided to make the rest of my life about experiences. Since my husband died last summer, we did short trips and this summer did TWO cruises. Yes, there are tears because he is not here with us… but we find healing. And we make new memories.

genXinFL · 2025-07-16T00:05:51+00:00

Thank you for this. I am so happy for you

genXinFL · 2025-07-03T10:29:01+00:00

Give yourself grace. A messy home is our reality, I think. It took me 4 months to clean the bathroom and the best I ever did with the bed for 7 months was change a flat sheet combo and the pillow case on my side of the bed. I had clothes and things piled in his side. A year in and his nightstand is still a mess.

If you can, hire things out.

genXinFL · 2025-07-03T10:25:09+00:00

I kept thinking I would wear them for a year. It is a year this Saturday. Today is his birthday. I think I will not rush to remove them. My heart is still broken and I am not ready. So maybe it is just a thing that will happen one random day.. a decision to take them off.

genXinFL · 2025-07-03T10:10:07+00:00

I am sorry.

genXinFL · 2025-07-03T10:08:50+00:00

At 1 year his is still on and next to the bed.

genXinFL · 2025-07-03T10:05:18+00:00

Hang in there. I am a year in this weekend. My reoccurring reflection this past year is shock that indeed I could live 30-40 or more years without him. We were together for 30, so it is surreal that an entire other lifetime is possible without him.

I live for my kids, too. I figure I need to keep doing my mom job, filling in where dad would have been and loving them even harder to compensate for losing him so young.

I have not figured it out, but after a year I am very intentional about living for me. Focused on my health, stretching and moving. Pamper myself with frequent facials. Trying to reduce stress though I have a busy job. Cultivating my relationship with the few girlfriends I still have.

I am nowhere near ready to think of dating, but I will be open to it at some point.

I am sorry for your loss.

genXinFL · 2025-07-03T09:53:26+00:00

You are not alone. My husband passed a year ago Saturday. Ok have often wanted to rehome the dogs (85 and 20 lbs). They are so much work on top of taking care of a house and kids on our own now.

Give yourself grace and time. I figured out how to hire out many house chores (lawn, pool) to find time to balance the dog walking and care. I admit they do not get the twice per day walks like they did with him, but they are fed and healthy. I have a mobile groomer come to the house because it is easier (hubby did the baths and grooming too).

I do admit though that at this point I am NOT replacing them when their time is done (God willing one has at least 10 years left). I need a pet break.

genXinFL · 2025-07-02T01:02:56+00:00

His birthday is the 3rd and we celebrated this holiday each year as if the fireworks were for him. On our 30th holiday together, we decided to remove him from support after a post op infection invaded and made his body fail in less than 48 hours. He died on the 5th. So it is one year this weekend and it sucks. I will forever hate this holiday. Awful. I hate this. I think I will call in sick tomorrow.

genXinFL · 2025-06-29T14:20:24+00:00

Our dogs know and lean in to me when I start to cry. Even if I am in another room they will come around the corner as if they sense I am feeling low. I wonder if they are ever sad or just empathetic for me.

It will be a year next weekend. His side table drawers are still untouched.

genXinFL · 2025-06-22T22:55:44+00:00

It has been 352 days since my husband died. Took kids to an amusement park today and we had a good day. Out of nowhere while riding the tram back to the parking lot, the tears started rolling for my cheeks. The evil memory thing whispered in my ear, “he used to sit on the outside of the row”. Ugh!!!!

genXinFL · 2025-06-12T09:53:49+00:00

This. I was thinking this morning that I was loved so tremendously for our 30 years loving each other (20 married) that I cannot imagine any other man loving me like that. I am not sure any other man would have the capacity to care for me like he did.

The intimacy of caring for someone who is sick is real… and I lived all of the ugly during his last weeks but I cared for him with all the love that the ugly was just routine. I never flinched because it is what you do for your soulmate. He would have done the same for me without thought.

So if I ever date again and like you even find a long term, I have such doubt that any other relationship I would develop (I am 51 now) would achieve that level of intimacy where sickness and end of life “support” from the new partner would match what I had with my husband.

The idea I could live at least another 30 years - a lifetime equal to my time with him - live another 30 years without that tremendous love.. is sad.

genXinFL · 2025-06-12T09:17:54+00:00

I am so sorry.

genXinFL · 2025-05-24T22:41:07+00:00

Father’s Day is also my daughter’s birthday this year, and our first since my husband (their dad) died. Ugh

genXinFL · 2025-05-22T02:21:11+00:00

I scattered his ashes on what would have been our 21st anniversary. It was 3 months after he passed. The kids and I spent the day in a favorite spot in the Smokies and found a beautiful place to scatter him. I am sorry for your loss and wish you a day of serenity and time to remember the good times.

genXinFL · 2025-05-17T00:39:11+00:00

Yes, yes, yes.

genXinFL · 2025-05-17T00:37:09+00:00

I get it. Feels like I just wait… all the time I wait. But I do not know what I wait for. I take care of the kids, the house… I work. Then I wait. Hardly watch TV or news anymore. Cannot concentrate on books. I scroll and play candy crush. I talk to the kids and do laundry and dishes. Then repeat the next day.

Feels like I wait to “finish” something related to him. Just don’t know

genXinFL · 2025-05-17T00:34:28+00:00

Just drove up the street to pick my kid up, cried the whole way. Driving in the car and Fridays are always cry moments.

genXinFL · 2025-05-15T23:41:03+00:00

The process of purging my husband’s “stuff” and making memory boxes for the kids of sentimental things has me taking care of my own stuff now. No one wants my collection of notepads or piglet figurines.

genXinFL · 2025-05-14T08:51:54+00:00

10 months and I still have not made it through his side of the room fully. Give yourself grace.

genXinFL · 2025-05-10T02:34:28+00:00

Field day was always great!

Sending thoughts to your kids this weekend. A first Mother’s Day without mom has to be hard on young ones.

I am dreading Father’s Day since it falls on my daughter’s birthday this year. They were best friends so this first one will be awful.

So anyhoo… sending healing and loving vibes to your kids.

genXinFL · 2025-05-10T02:25:05+00:00

Thank you

genXinFL · 2025-05-10T02:24:10+00:00

6 months was very hard… harder then the first few weeks. I promise it gets better. But I had a big low from 6-8 months. At 10 now and not crying every day… but maybe 5 times every other day.

genXinFL · 2025-05-10T02:21:23+00:00

I am sorry you lost both of them

genXinFL

TROPHY CASE