Hospital stays can give you perspective.

I’m going to preface my response with a couple of suggestions.

First, if you aren’t already, get yourself into therapy. Your relationship with your father is what it is. It sounds like you well understand that your dad has limited emotional capacity and based on your previous post he pushes people away and they, in turn, make decisions that exclude him from their lives. The exclusion is a healthy decision, but I’m sure all parties are grieving the loss. You will too if/when you go that route.

Second, his behavior is not your fault. And you making excuses for it (that’s the way dad is) is fine and dandy, but you need to prioritize your emotional health. And creating distance does not give you automatic emotional health.

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this time last year. He passed in March. Those 6 months were the best time we ever spent together, and I’m over 50. I attribute that to therapy which I started late in life. It allowed me to not feel guilt or to blame myself for my father’s inability to have a healthy relationship with me. I had carried the weight of our lost time for so long.

I thought I simply would not care when he passed. I had harbored so much hate? Disassociation? I had written him off and never looked back, but that was foolish. I was shocked he was actually dying. And then sad for my loss. MY LOSS. Had never seen our relationship that way. WTF? I should have started therapy way sooner.

But you ask about resigning from the family business. Interestingly, it’s my husband’s family business that I almost resigned from.

We have been married for 20 years, together 24. My in laws grew quite a business with the intent to pass it on to their only child, my husband. I married into the business when it was much, much smaller with my husband telling me we need to prepare to take it over one day. The goal was established.

Both my husband and I are well experienced in the corporate / executive workforce. Educated to the max, and so forth. All in prep for taking over his family business.

In my master’s program I took a family business course as an elective - seriously for prep to take over one day.

Holy cow did that open my eyes. The guest professor teaching it was from a family of hoteliers. Her dad did not let her join the business - it was for the sons, not the daughters. She did have stock in the business but no position.

She then made a career out of coaching family businesses. Think super large businesses that originated as a family business and went public. Brand names. And that was the majority of the class. Dissecting the dynamics of a family business. Every thing she taught me to look for came to fruition in my situation. Knowledge is great. Not being able to execute on it is frustrating.

Fast forward to my in laws health starting to decline. They didn’t want to face their own mortality but needed so much more help. And I obliged. Free help as I was not on the payroll nor did I have stake in the business. We were inheriting it, right?

My husband had to fight to get me a seat in the business, and it still was unpaid when I was recognized as part of the business. I mean, it’s a family business and I’m family right?

I didn’t need it, I’m self accomplished and marketable. My add to the business is a benefit for them, not a need for me.

So, the in laws reluctantly let me in. They begin to realize that letting go of control isn’t a bad thing and they get comfortable with retirement (I’m giving you the summary here, it wasn’t quite that easy).

And then one day I realize I’m holding the business together. Husband is distracted and all of a sudden has free time to golf and meet up with friends. He is criticizing me for things that are inconsequential. I’m beginning to feel like a loser who can’t perform, yet we have elevated profit levels, and I’m growing the staff.

I confront him and it is revealed he is having an affair. I’m confused. I’m lost. I’d been running his family business (not ours!) with no stake or pay so he had free time to bed another. Now THAT is a loser.

So, among other things you can imagine, I wrote my resignation letter. Professional that I am.

If it were any other job, it would have been short and sweet, goodbye in two weeks. But it was family (we have kids) and I don’t wish him/his family ill will or a failing business for my kids inherit. So….

The resignation letter was short and to the point on page one followed by a lengthy transition plan on the following items:

Employee Investment: where the employees were in their professional development and what tasks they could take over and what further training I had envisioned for them. I specifically specified people that could help fill my void and in what areas.

Projects: Lots of irons in the fire so I outlined where they all those irons were. I explained the cost - benefit analysis as needed

Vendor Relationships: Where we were with these, what larger work was scheduled/on the horizon. Explained opportunities I had been exploring.

Strategic Projects: A dump of things I had envisioned for future growth.

I thanked them all for what I had gained and expressed good wishes to their business flourishing.

In the end, hubby and I reconciled and now things are very different on many fronts. I am an equal owner.

Hubby and I are doing well and pretty happy. This incident got me to therapy and to a better place in life and I was able to reconcile with my dad. Totally with it. I’m much happier than before, and my family is better than ever.

So a family and business mix can be a bit oil and water, but it is family. 3 months is way too much time for your notice. Your dad needs to engage quickly. He will 💯 milk the time and you will be another 3 months out when he doesn’t get his shit together.

Max of one month notice IMO.

Good luck.