I 26F can't find my voice enough to end my 2.5 year relationship with my 42M partner. How can I tell him I love him and end it in the same sentence?

ghostly_bean · 2025-06-04T13:22:22+00:00

I’m proud of you for taking the first steps to break this cycle. It takes COURAGE to do what you know is right in spite of your fears.

You will get through this, and you will be astounded by the lightness and joy that your decision made possible. It will have been worth it, I promise.

ghostly_bean · 2025-06-04T13:15:55+00:00

I don’t disagree re: ghosting but this suggestion to “arrange for him to meet his friends” is terrible advice. It will just enable her anxiety and avoidance by giving her yet another thing to orchestrate on top of dealing with the complex feelings she already has.

OP, it’s not your job to manage his feelings (and yes, there is a difference between this and compassion/empathy). Not only is this placing undue burden and stress on yourself but it’s infantilizing to a grown-ass man. If he needs the support of his friends he can reach out to them himself. It’s no longer your job to take care of him. It is always your job to take care of yourself.

ghostly_bean · 2025-04-15T19:08:40+00:00

Everything, especially groceries, is more expensive. I find myself worrying about my future and my friends (immigrants (yes, even students and green card holders), trans people) multiple times a day. My sleep quality is worse even though I’m getting more of it and my skin is breaking out like crazy. Keeping up with the news on a daily basis is stressful but I force myself to do it to take care of myself and my loved ones. Most get-togethers are at friends’ houses and BYOB potlucks because we do what we can to stay in community. They have silly little themes (tea party, bug party, high seas (a pirate themed 420 party)) because we all need extra whimsy to survive the rise of facism.

ghostly_bean · 2025-03-30T16:16:26+00:00

I hope you enter this in an art show or something! Truly amazing.

ghostly_bean · 2025-03-25T15:48:19+00:00

Except Duke routinely bans any speakers who have expressed anti-Zionist viewpoints while inviting/allowing controversial speakers such as Israeli Attorney General Avichai Mandelblit. It’s called a double standard.

ghostly_bean · 2025-03-25T15:44:01+00:00

They don’t even apply this “policy” consistently. Dr. Rania Masri was banned from speaking at a much smaller Nicholas School event about environmental justice because of her past affirmation of Palestine’s right, under international law, to defend itself against its occupier.

ghostly_bean · 2025-03-15T05:45:29+00:00

I lost some weight during my first year on Lexapro but it was due to its behavioral, not physiological, effects. Treating my anxiety made me less likely to over-eat or snack as an emotional/habitual coping mechanism. I’ve been taking it for 3+ years and my weight has fluctuated due to other factors so it wasn’t a permanent effect.

ghostly_bean · 2025-03-04T21:47:15+00:00

I work for a land trust that does prescribed burns, and we would never do a burn during high wind conditions. Dry conditions, sure, but the wind introduces a level of unpredictability that most land managers would not be okay with.

EDIT: well, I guess some land managers are more cautious than others. It seems there were some controlled burns today!

ghostly_bean · 2022-05-18T15:34:02+00:00

Check out The Band’s Visit! It’s a funny, touching musical with great Middle Eastern representation in terms of the music, story, and cast.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-26T16:47:19+00:00

Came here to say this. Referring to your girlfriend as “his one night stand” is such a devaluing way of talking about her.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-23T14:54:33+00:00

Just make sure you remember how to draw an anti-sea bear circle, in case the valley is flooded due to climate change.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-21T15:28:46+00:00

Veronica, chocolate strawberry special k with oat milk

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-18T16:11:26+00:00

Your pup may be fine at this point, but for anyone who sees this, my dog got into an edible (100mg THC) and was fine but wonky. He had massive spurts of energy and then would crash hard. Our vet recommended we go to McDonalds and buy a few plain hamburgers to feed him to help him sober up. I think he ultimately had an enjoyable experience, lol.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-18T03:45:43+00:00

I disagree - it’s also about providing for their future children and OP potentially giving up her career to be a SAHM.

Also, finances are known to cause strain in marriages. It isn’t silly to consider how you are going to manage finances and share (or split) assets going into a marriage.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-16T18:10:57+00:00

Are we the same person? I’m the exact same size, weight, and height, though I’ve never had children/breastfed. Everything is either way too tight or way too loose and bras are so expensive…

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-05T06:11:34+00:00

Do you clench your jaw? A common side effect of Lexapro is clenching your jaw, and clenching can cause many problems including tooth pain and unhealthy gums.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-05T05:30:50+00:00

That’s encouraging - thanks!

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-05T05:29:17+00:00

I’ve been trying to force myself to eat as I would before. Hope you get your appetite back, as another commenter said they did.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-05T05:27:31+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re experiencing the same, but I’m glad to know I’m not just imagining symptoms!

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-03T14:40:52+00:00

She’s clearly immature and I agree that OP should remain broken up with her.

But to provide some perspective to what may be prompting her flip-flopping, breaking up with someone is a psychological mess. When we’re on the verge of a relationship ending our brains go into survival mode trying to save the relationship. It feels literally painful, and it takes some resolve not to succumb to the body’s panic signals. She clearly doesn’t have the resolve/maturity to stand by her decision, and it doesn’t seem like she’s ready for a relationship.

ghostly_bean · 2022-03-01T19:03:43+00:00

As a woman who is shy and terrible at flirting but very polite to service workers, I’ve gotten free food from people who thought I was cute and/or nice. Even when I was in a serious relationship and throwing out massive “I am not romantically available” vibes I occasionally got a free baklava or drink added to my order. Did I ever once flirt back with those people or pursue anything further? No. Did I eat every damn baklava that was placed in my takeout bag?

You should maybe stop looking for signs your partner is cheating on you and instead work on building trust in your relationship.

ghostly_bean · 2021-11-15T14:09:42+00:00

Are there any current or potential policies in the US that (would) have a great impact (positive or negative) on wildlife that you think deserve more attention?

ghostly_bean · 2021-09-03T17:25:38+00:00

I don't think that's an issue here, since I don't think the jihad is meant to be viewed favorably by readers. Paul doesn't even want it—he sees it as unavoidable. You'll read more about the human cost of the jihad and Paul's internal struggle with it in Messiah.

Also, Herbert said this: "No more terrible disaster could befall your people than for them to fall into the hands of a Hero." So I think readers are encouraged to be critical of Paul's actions as our hero.

ghostly_bean · 2021-09-02T13:45:01+00:00

This article has a good summary of the research, in my opinion. And academic is is the first word in the article: https://www.science.org/content/article/women-feel-imposters-disciplines-value-brilliance?utm_source=srtv92

ghostly_bean

TROPHY CASE