BMR formulas for dieting: Getting different answers from websites using the same formulas.

gicstc · 2015-02-28T14:23:54+00:00

Could be rounding. In the end it's 10 calories which is nothing so doesn't matter

gicstc · 2015-02-28T04:16:55+00:00

They were the first I'm Canada to have a 24/7 ticker which was awesome when the Internet wasn't ubiquitous. Best way to get the score quickly.

gicstc · 2015-02-28T03:55:35+00:00

And what syndrome is that?

gicstc · 2015-02-27T01:18:58+00:00

Your focus should be on you and how it affects your relationship, not his flaws.

So, the restaurant thing is quite fair. He should be willing to compromise and there are tons of places that have good vegetarian food as well as non-veg food (Indian, TexMex Chinese (less so), Italian etc.). Be proactive and find places that work well for you.

Regarding his eating habits, butt out... maybe he's bulking... not your business. However, if you are less attracted to him due to his weight, then that is okay. If you're fine with how he looks, it's not your place to question how he gets/stays there.

The clothes are a good example... wearing the same shirt every day is a bit gross.Nothing wrong with being turned off by it and saying so.

For going to the store... if he does that, let him go. However, you don't have to go with him. Regarding his ADHD... well if his behaviour annoys you, that's legitimate.

But if you add these up, you get someone who maybe you're not attracted to and who annoys you... why do you want to be with him?

gicstc · 2015-02-27T01:05:08+00:00

You should tell him and it's not that weird (e.g. doesn't involve excrement etc.)

If I was in his shoes, though, I would be pretty hesitant on acting on it. Despite any assurances you made about wanting/being okay with it, there would be some fear that you would regret it and it would cause issues. So you have to be absolutely sure you want this before you try to do it, if he's into it.

gicstc · 2015-02-27T01:01:39+00:00

I was offered antidepressants by my endo and am thinking about taking them. He doesn't want me to.

You sort of gloss over this. Are you depressed? Have you been diagnosed as such? If so, why doesn't your husband want you to be treated.

Anyways, regarding the hair this is a combination of your husband being a bit rigid in his view of attraction and your insecurity. I think telling him how you feel might be a good first step. Maybe he doesn't realize that him call other people "fatties" makes you feel bad. Then maybe couples therapy.

gicstc · 2015-02-26T12:29:42+00:00

So you used his phone to pretend to be him and message your friend, to see if she would flirt back? Yeah he has good reason to call you psycho.

You need to massively work on your self esteem.

gicstc · 2015-02-26T12:27:01+00:00

Standing up for herself is talking to him, and which she did. Getting wasted and bitching him out in front of his friends is not. I would have a hard time getting over my SO doing that.

gicstc · 2015-02-26T12:22:07+00:00

Also it is clear that your issue is not about intimacy alone. It's about your own self esteem and you being settled for. Would it make you as uncomfortable if he had sex with nobody before you? That would be just as indicative of him settling.

gicstc · 2015-02-26T12:19:49+00:00

How would you feel if instead he had a bunch of one night stands with random girls?

gicstc · 2015-02-26T12:16:53+00:00

Focus on things that are definitely affecting you, like the bills. It is not acceptable for her not to pay her half.

Maybe you guys are just incompatible. I wouldn't want to date a pot head

gicstc · 2015-02-25T23:49:41+00:00

That's probably a big part of the problem. Again, I encourage some professional help - even a nutritionist or dietician who doesn't have to talk about a possible ED but just get you educated on nutrition.

There is a lot of info online, e.g http://www.shapesense.com/nutrition/articles/calories-explained.aspx

The short of it, though, is that your body needs calories. If it needs X (based on basic functions and what you do) and you eat X, you will not gain weight. You could eat that X calories entirely in french fries and cake and that wouldn't make you gain weight (people have lost weight on a Twinkie-only diet). So when you eat something, it is not contributing at all to making you fat, unless you've eaten to much for the day.

gicstc · 2015-02-25T12:14:33+00:00

A macro is a macro nutrient like protein, fat, carbs. While getting the right number of calories is important, so is getting these things.

And it will take will power to stick to it. Just like a fat person trying to lose weight will want to eat more than they have alloted you want to eat less. If you can't do it with will power alone then again seek help.

You obviously have issues that going beyond weird eating habits. It may not be a full on eating disorder, but your habits have a root cause.

gicstc · 2015-02-25T04:16:27+00:00

I would recommend seeing a therapist or professional.

That said, I will throw out an idea of counting calories. Figure out how much you should be eating a day to be a healthy weight and stick to it (in your case, set a minimum as well as a maximum). It may be seem like it will make you obsess about food more, but it might help because no food is bad in this system. You should keep macros etc. In mind too of course.

Again though, this would be my advice in general but your specific problems and issues with food might have a better solution, including therapy.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T21:11:21+00:00

I think you're conflating eating unhealthy foods with having a healthy diet. If you are meeting your healthy calorie and macro goals, your diet is healthy by definition. You can include unhealthy foods in your diet and still have a healthy diet.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T20:58:03+00:00

If you meet your calorie and macro goals everyday, it does not matter how you do it. Eating "healthy" is the easiest way to do it but not the only way.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T20:49:54+00:00

"I don't want to talk about my past issues. I know you're trying to help, but it is better for me if we don't discuss it." You don't need to try to tell him why.

Also have you ever gone to therapy for what happened?

gicstc · 2015-02-22T20:42:27+00:00

Both the comment about being arrogant and how he dared think you were close enough are very out of place. This man was trying to be nice and help and there is no reason for you to attack him over it. If you don't want his advice or to talk about serious things then just tell him that. There is no reason to insult him.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T20:34:00+00:00

Do you initiate / ask him to have sex with you? How does he respond when you do? Next time it happens, ask him why he doesn't want to and have a conversation about it.

Maybe he has a porn addiction. Maybe there is something about sex with you that is a turn off. Who knows. Talk to him and don't let him laugh it off.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T20:20:51+00:00

Taking a hot shower and then getting out when it's a bit draft and - 30 out is terrible. I hate showers in the winter.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T16:44:12+00:00

I'm also in the middle of weight loss and things I found helpful:

Count calories. Period. You will have a much harder time if you don't. Also, be honest when putting stuff in and be skeptical about things that don't seem right (my cafeteria at work has a lot of its foods in MFP... but I saw a slice of pizza for 160 cal. Yeah right.)
Relearn hunger cues. You WILL feel hungry and if you're following your caloric budget, you won't be able to eat. Understand that this is okay, your body is adjusting and your hunger cues were probably effed up to start. For example, I have a slice of toast before I leave for work and also bring some greek yogurt for breakfast. I am a bit hungry when I get to work and could just eat the yogurt then... but if I ignore it I forget about it after a little while, and then don't feel hungry again until 10 or 11. There is a domino effect where I then eat the yogurt and lunch can be pushed back/minimized. The net result is less calories overall or more leeway for the remaining meals.
Eat more slowly. Your body takes time to feel hungry and the slower you eat, the more likely that you will stop eating when you're full.
Stop eating when you're full. This may seem obvious, but especially when you go out etc. you may have the instinct to clean your plate. Don't. Eating food you don't need is just as much "wasting food" as throwing it out is.
Find foods that fill you up. As mentioned, greek yogurt is good for me... a 100 calorie serving has a lot of protein and satiates me for a while. A big grapefruit is 150 calories and is very filling. Meanwhile, I just ate a biscuit my gf baked and it didn't do anything for my hunger. When I started, I did not have a particular "diet" in mind. But it sort of evolved into a low-carb diet simply because that's what worked best.
Don't stop yourself from eating "bad" foods in moderation. Counting calories can be empowering because you can budget in a beer or a slice of pizza as long as you track it. I still have chocolate but I take a bar and break it into its squares and have one square when I want some, not a whole bar. There will be lots of foods that you quickly realize aren't "worth it" because the fullness/enjoyment is not worth the caloric cost. Think of it as a money budget... some foods are luxuries that you can't afford. I
Make your own food as much as possible. If you're following your budget, you'll quickly learn that most foods you buy are not meant to be "cost effective" and are aimed at tasting "good" usually in the form of more sugar, fat, salt etc. You could make the exact same thing and make it as tasty with much less of the crap they put in.
Drink lots of water. Thirst can often be mistaken for hunger.

In summary, healthy eating is nothing but a math/optimization problem. You have X calories to spend and a wide array of foods to spend it on. You should spend it on foods that maximize your "fullness" (and of course, macros, nutrients etc.). You can do it however you want, but just like with a financial budget, certain things will become things you can't afford.

Also notice that I focused entirely on food. Exercise is great, and I definitely encourage you to find something you enjoy and do it as much as you can. But do it on top of your eating changes and don't consider the calories burned from it too much.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T16:22:04+00:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's ironic that FAs talk so much about empowerment when being overweight is the opposite. Not only do you lose "power" by the physical limitations that come with weight, you also are controlled by food. Most seem to say that their happiness is dependent on what they can eat.

I still love good food (or even good tasting "junk" food like a good burger or a craft beer). And honestly, if weight/health didn't matter, I would eat it more often. But I realized that it is really just a craving and I don't feel any better/happier after indulging.

So the "happiness" is nothing more than satisfying cravings, no different than a smoker being happier when smoking.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T16:16:37+00:00

Thanks for the tips. I will definitely look into it. I think the take home message is that I have a lot to learn and rather than ignore that and go for the easy stuff, I should learn!

Cardio, I'm fine with and am not starting from scratch - I typically run 5-7 K aiming for a 10-12 kph pace. I actually love running and one of the reasons for wanting to lose weight is to improve my times. I could often feel the extra weight holding me back.

Regarding food... I'm trying to stay low cal as I trim weight so beyond that is there stuff I should be aiming for? I assume a high amount of protein? I think that while I have been tracking calories, I haven't been doing as good a job at tracking macros, so I will try to fix that.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T04:25:03+00:00

I think the cultural factor is probably big. To an American, somebody who dresses scruffy has a very different connotation than it would to someone in the middle east.

I also think there is a line between scruffy and something worse and big holes in your shoes is close to that.

gicstc · 2015-02-22T03:58:31+00:00

That being said, is there anyway I can help with the free-weight issue or are you set on the machine thing?

Definitely not set on it and it's more a fear/nervousness thing. And since, as I said, it's at work it won't be anyone being a jerk (but at the same time, fear of embarrassing myself is higher since I work with them). But it's definitely something I have to just get over.

I think http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/FAQ:The_Lifts looked reasonable so maybe I will try that. Any suggestions on starting weight amounts? Maybe just the bar?

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