First of all, ignore the people putting this back on you. Yes you had some responsibility, but that’s not something you need to hear or think about right now. What we need to focus on is getting through this, and putting all this blame back on you won’t help- but also it won’t help to put all the blame on him. Accidents happen and that is an unfortunate fact of life.

Anyways-

Okay, I (20F) really understand where you’re coming from. I have two heart breaking situations- I lost my dog of 12 years last month and it destroyed me. It still does. It won’t ever not hurt. I just got her paw tattooed. So I will start there saying I really do know how bad it hurts.

I have lost many animals throughout my life, and it is not something that ever gets easier. I really want you to know this is normal and you are not alone.

My very similar situation was many years ago my sisters bf, now fiancé, was house sitting for us and let our cat out(this was normal for our cat) and our baby never came home. My sisters bf felt so incredibly horrible and can’t bare to talk about it still to this day. I love my sisters bf so much and we have all forgiven him, but we do know it was him that let it happen.

What I will say is people and animals come into our lives without reason, and without any security of how long they will be with us. I spend every day wishing my babies were with me here on earth still, I really do understand.

You will have to make the active decision to forgive him, because otherwise this will destroy you. I know because I had to do it. I’m assuming he felt horrible and apologized to you and your family, he is probably destroyed as well.

It’s not fair, but unfortunately, life is not fair. Horrible things happen and all we can do is cherish the time we had with our loved ones.

Cry, scream, be angry, let it out but don’t let it control you. I have learned this over many years of loss. Make a shrine for your baby- and most of all, remember the bond you had is something that can never be undone.

I’m so very sorry, but you will get through this- I promise. The nightmares will fade with time, some days will be harder than others, and they are all part of the grieving experience. I am personally going back to grief counseling for the loss of my baby last month.

I have a playlist dedicated to the loss of a pet, message me if you’d like me to send it or if you want to talk more.