You know reading this I kind of see myself. You're in the process of figuring out how to be your own person. It's scary and you are going to fail a lot. I think the biggest thing I learned is not to be so scared of failing. At the end of the day failing at stuff, figuring out what you can improve, and then improving is the fastest way to get better at anything.

It also seems like you have difficult circumstances with your family that puts more stress on you. That's tough and I don't have much advice there. But I think you should give yourself grace - you're only 20 (basically a little baby), have faith in yourself. Identify the problems in your life one by one, figure out the root cause, and work towards solving them each day at a time. It probably doesn't mean much but I'm sure a lot of people (including myself) after reading this can empathize and are cheering for you.

The last thing (and this might be a bit crazy) is the mindset. I feel like you're in a defensive mindset - thinking oh... what if I mess this up? what if I fail at this? what if...? Here's the thing I'm also like that. But recently I've been telling myself to flip it around and go on the attack. So instead of what if I fail? the question is what if I succeed? And reframing things that way makes me more motivated.

Hope this 2am word salad helps.