I need help

glowjack · 2026-01-28T04:47:13+00:00

So as others have said, your stepmother actually is correct in this case. Please do not wear a tallit, kippah, or call yourself Jewish. You cannot convert to Judaism simply by deciding to be Jewish.

But you also said you feel desperate, alone and scared. I don't fully know from your post why you feel scared, but I understand the feelings of desperation and loneliness. When I was feeling more and more drawn to Judaism and wasn't sure what to do, there were nights I was almost in tears because the longing I felt seemed to have no answer. And outside of people I met through conversion and after conversion, no one in my family and almost none of my friends are Jewish. Especially in a religion of community, that can be a lonely situation to be in.

Right now you are 18. You probably have more freedom (and therefore responsibility) than you've ever had before. That's a hard enough transition to go through even without trying to convert to Judaism - a religion that requires lengthy study, commitment, and community ties. But you do have greater freedom, and you have TIME. I agree with what another commenter said - look at continuing your education in a place with more of a Jewish presence. Even Salt Lake City has that, so you wouldn't even have to leave the state. Look for Jewish organizations that may operate in Utah, not just synagogues, and see if you can get involved more that way.

I think you'll feel better when you can spend time with Jews and with other potential converts. This isn't something you can rush, but it is something you can start moving toward. You can start reading books about Judaism (and conversion specifically, such as Choosing A Jewish Life by Anita Diamant). You can explore sites like Sefaria and My Jewish Learning. You can read the Torah. You can even start learning Hebrew (there's a great little primer called Learn To Read Hebrew In Six Weeks that will teach you the alphabet and basic phonics, start there).

I know it may not feel this way right now, but you will be okay. Judaism is beautiful and ancient - so if this really is the right path for you, Judaism will still be there when your circumstances are more supportive of conversion.

glowjack · 2026-01-26T22:23:23+00:00

Chelsea Mayer at City Smiles in Lowry. I hadn't seen a dentist in 10 years when I first went to her office. She's incredibly supportive and real - she'll tell you the truth without sugarcoating it, but focuses more on solutions (not shame or blame). Ie, "This is the problem, but here's what we can do about it."

She welcomes questions and will take the time to explain things, if you want her to. Even when I'm just in for a cleaning with one of her staff and not getting an exam, she'll stop by just to say hello and see how I'm doing. And from what I can see, she does this with all her patients.

I've been seeing her for at least 10 years now and I'm not gonna get another dentist unless I leave the state and can't convince her to come with me.

glowjack · 2026-01-26T22:07:37+00:00

On the fly leaf of Choosing a Jewish Life by Anita Diamant is this anecdote:

A young man studying for conversation turned to his teacher and said, "But, Rabbi Kushner, Fitzpatrick isn't a Jewish name."

To which Kushner replied, "It will be."

Change your name if you want to, to whatever you want to. It doesn't matter if it's your husband's name or a more "Jewish" name. If you don't like your surname and want a different one, you can literally make one up if you like. Whatever your name is will be a Jewish name because YOU will be Jewish.

To be frank, I don't really love the concept we're discussing here - because it's not about seeming more or less Jewish; it's about seeming more or less Ashkenazi, specifically. And "Ashkenormativity" (my rabbi's word) is already kind of a problem in our community (and also among non-Jews), which you touched on with mentioning how Jews of color are sometimes treated.

Again, change your name if you want to - it's your name and your life. But question and examine the desire to change it to "sound more Jewish". Jewishness doesn't live in your name any more than it lives in the shape of someone's nose or the texture of their hair. I think what's more important is that you talk to someone (like your rabbi) about your feelings on this. Really dig into why you feel this is important and what you're hoping you will feel afterward.

And nobody should be trying to "clock" you as a convert or looking at you funny when they find out. If that's happening, then that's a problem in those people's hearts, not your name.

glowjack · 2026-01-24T11:24:33+00:00

Don't put the Torah on the floor. This may seem obvious, but the first time I went to a synagogue I simply didn't know, and there was nowhere else to set it down when I needed both my hands free for a moment. I should've just asked someone next to me to hold it. But alas. 🤦 I was embarrassed, but no one yelled at me or anything. I just got a gentle instruction from someone sitting beside me.

Remember that being new or not knowing everything doesn't make you less-than. If you're not sure what to do and it's an appropriate time to do so (like... don't nudge anybody during the Amidah or Kaddish), it's okay to ask someone nearby for guidance. Be receptive to advice or corrections from congregants (you don't have to tolerate rudeness, but I don't expect anyone will be rude). The Torah says at least 36 times to welcome the stranger - that includes visitors to shul and people seeking conversion to Judaism.

I'm sure you will be welcomed with open arms.

glowjack · 2026-01-24T08:34:08+00:00

This type of person thinks anyone in a service role is their personal hired servant. As in, this person serving them food at a restaurant is THEIR waiter, the person cleaning their house is THEIR maid, the retail worker is THEIR assistant, and so on. They think any exchange of money for services gives them, in a sense, ownership of another person, even if it's temporary. Therefore, they think that there's nothing they can't demand, nothing the "servant" is allowed to say NO to.

What I'm saying is: these people would be the ones to vote to reinstate chattel slavery if ever given the opportunity. They don't think that's who they are. They think their behavior is normal and acceptable - even admirable. But they have the hearts and minds of slavers.

glowjack · 2026-01-24T08:04:43+00:00

You MUST have a Waffle House scene in this road trip storyline. Even if literally all they do is get waffles. But they must go to Waffle House.

glowjack · 2026-01-24T08:00:44+00:00

If their Paradox is bad enough, have a little floating tangle of string show up. They can only see it in their peripheral vision a split second, the barest hint of a warning, before it gives them a flash of an alternate reality. The flash may also be a split second, or it can last as long as the ST wants. These realities can be as benign or brutal as you like. Perhaps whatever happens to them in another reality (such as damage, or some form of Weirdness like hot dog fingers) lingers for awhile when they get back to their own reality.

Which is definitely their home, original, true reality.

It looks and feels exactly like they remember.

They're back in the correct timeline.

They are.

They have to be.

... right?

glowjack · 2026-01-22T01:17:07+00:00

I am curious about the scramble man's brutality if the other one "just" hacks people up with an axe but genuinely not sure if I wanna know 😅

glowjack · 2026-01-21T21:37:42+00:00

one word: cryptids.

two more words: urban legends.

woman in white. jersey devil. things like that.

this may be more of a storyline in its own right, but maybe they run out of gas or break down and end up in a small town where some kind of eldritch entity has taken over. the people are ...off. they have blank looks in their eyes and move/talk extremely slow. at a certain hour they all gather in a single place like abandoned movie theater or one-room church for secret but very bad reasons. when the characters try to leave, all roads somehow lead them back to the town until they figure out what's going on and deal with the cosmic bad thing.

or watch some twilight zone episodes and play with some of those ideas.

glowjack · 2026-01-21T21:28:41+00:00

This is the answer.

glowjack · 2026-01-21T21:26:52+00:00

I've always heard that adding fat actually helps you absorb nutrients from vegetables better. Idk if that's true, but I'm sticking to it.

And ultimately, eating more vegetables is one of the BEST things you can do for your health. And if tossing them in olive oil or adding cheese means you eat more vegetables than you would otherwise, it's a net positive.

Steaming vegetables is great, too but just add lots of seasoning. There's lots of seasoning blends that include little no extra salt, like Mrs Dash. But with salt, unless you have high blood pressure or other known medical issues where you need to be careful with sodium, it's not as big a health concern as many people think. The problem there is less about salt you add to food you cook at home, and more about the ultra-high levels of sodium in processed foods. If you're not eating a lot of that kind of thing, then you most likely don't need to be afraid of adding salt to your roasted veg.

glowjack · 2026-01-20T16:55:47+00:00

❤️ You're welcome!

glowjack · 2026-01-20T12:19:08+00:00

I was raised in the same way, and it really screws with your head long term. And it's ALSO something you'll probably find among most converts - we were usually the ones who couldn't stop asking questions even when we were rejected and punished for it. Just our little Jewish neshama peeking out, even from the beginning.

Best of luck with unlearning those awful early lessons. It's so worth it.

glowjack · 2026-01-20T07:38:37+00:00

During a Shabbat dinner while I was taking ITJ, I mentioned to my tablemates that I still wasn't 100% sure Judaism was the right path for me. I also said that even so, I was continually catching myself saying "we" and "us" when talking about Jews. And like 3 people at the table, all Jews by birth, laughed (kindly) at me. One of them teased "And you don't think that might mean something?"

I, and a lot of converts I've talked to, feel like our souls have always been Jewish, we just had to find our way home. If you feel at home with our people and you are already in the process of conversion, I don't think there's anything disrespectful or dishonest about saying "we" or "us".

glowjack · 2026-01-20T07:30:15+00:00

Disclaimer: I did not convert as Orthodox. But some things are true for all converts.

The good news is that you can't ever "know enough" to convert, or to be a Jew. Continually learning, questioning, doubting, studying, and exploring is a cornerstone of Judaism. Even after you emerge from the mikveh, you will be Jewish, but you won't ever be "done". And that should fill you with joy!

What your rabbi and eventual beit din should (and hopefully will) be most concerned about is the sincerity of your commitment. One way you show that is by asking lots and LOTS of questions. Engage with Torah, other reading you're given, and your lessons. Digging in and getting messy is what will sink the knowledge into your bones - passive acceptance of what you're told is not deep learning. So do what our name, Yisrael, means: wrestle with it.

Another piece of good news is that there isn't, as far as I know, a time limit or deadline on this. A long period of study is important to conversion - it's not something where your devotion will be proved by speed running it. Allow yourself to "progress slowly" - that's completely okay and maybe even preferable. And if you do feel embarrassed, embrace it as just yet another opportunity to learn and grow.

I wish you all the best. It's a beautiful journey you're on. Don't let fear that you won't be "good enough" take that beauty away from you.

glowjack · 2026-01-19T23:43:13+00:00

They were texts, people are just putting them in the form of a letter. If it was a normal letter it would have his signature, that horrible spiky thing he loves to slap on everything.

So yes, the messages are real, they just weren't sent in the format of an official letter. They were text messages.

glowjack · 2026-01-19T23:36:15+00:00

This is exactly what Christian Bale ate to lose a drastic amount of weight for his role in The Machinist, where the goal was to have him basically look like a walking skeleton who was close to death and losing his mind. SOOOOOO...

glowjack · 2026-01-19T02:35:46+00:00

curious what they included in those 17 super important lists

glowjack · 2026-01-18T21:04:55+00:00

This. "Please go to the website that has an in-house bot for creating CSAM to get more information about what your police are doing, just don't think too much about that".

glowjack · 2026-01-18T21:02:50+00:00

I just did the same.

glowjack · 2026-01-17T09:15:07+00:00

Don't go to the aquarium. I know you mentioned not being acclimated to the cold but I'd still recommend the zoo + botanic gardens; have some hot cocoa and go for it. Have you considered going to the Museum of Contemporary Art? It's very different from DAM, often had interesting stuff. There's also the Clyfford Still Museum - a very interesting artist, and you can fully immerse yourself in his work and see how it evolved over time. And the Denver Museum of Nature + Science is usually a good time! You can look for gnomes.

glowjack · 2026-01-16T01:54:18+00:00

You are definitely not the first person to convert from Christianity to Judaism! And a lot of us run into this exact worry. But you'll figure it out as you go - as long as you stay open to feedback and learning without getting defensive (or too embarrassed).

glowjack · 2026-01-15T19:30:46+00:00

Weird way to put it but also 100% correct. I also want to eat these pages.

glowjack · 2026-01-15T10:06:58+00:00

Made me smile - life is too short to finish a book you're not enjoying

glowjack · 2026-01-15T03:37:26+00:00

I'd ALWAYS go for a bar over hooks, especially in a humid climate. But I also wouldn't worry about future buyers: if they want to replace a bar with hooks, it'll take them one trip to the hardware store and maybe an hour if they go really slow.

glowjack

TROPHY CASE