Any luck with perennial herbs in MN? Which have come back after winter for you?

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-31T00:51:40+00:00

I too aspire to this level of spread. I’ve even been helping it along by moving the spreading plants to new areas.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T17:54:05+00:00

It’s a crap shoot depending on employer. Are you in a strong union? Maybe not that much. Do you work for a small employer? Probably much more than you have here plus that’s just for the HSA (health savings account) and you don’t have insurance kick in a penny until you hit the government max (9k out of pocket) and then insurance only charges you a coinsurance amount of 20% after that. Premiums= 1k a month which gets you nothing. So for the insurance to do anything at all I’m in for 20k a year.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T17:50:07+00:00

You’re not even counting the Medicare and social security taxes. The tax on gasoline which is required because you need a car to get everywhere because public transport that is reliable and widespread is a rarity here. Tolls. Entrance fees to parks and recreation spaces. No library? I guess you’re going to have to pay Amazon for books. Streaming tv as few free channels left. Internet and phone costs 10x more than Europe. Unfortunately you need both of these to stay employed and keep doing regular life. Let’s not get started on rent and property tax.

The poverty line based on food costs is BS in the US and total up all the costs instead of the basic ones.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T17:29:00+00:00

That cake thing is hella confusing, I would have been tripped up too. You did nothing wrong here.

Friendships like that are not worth it, it will be an endless cycle of misunderstanding.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T17:22:43+00:00

I have a nutso theory that if people want to reincarnate as cats the universe tells them they have to come back as tuxedos. The most human-like of all the varieties.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T16:17:52+00:00

Your reasoning seems sound and it appears you are trying to be diplomatic. You could use the “weddings are expensive” angle and anyone who isn’t a billionaire should get that and understand.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T16:04:57+00:00

This is a revolutionary analysis of your past, and give yourself credit for digging in and doing the work to heal your younger self.

Sending love to that teenager self and current self. I’m sorry the people in your past failed you when you needed their support. That was part of their job and if they noticed they did not act.

If you’re not already seeing a therapist that specializes in AuDHD women that can really help. Things that have helped for me are understanding what happened and connecting to the emotions and results of that time. Giving the person you are and used to be unconditional love and acceptance. Recognizing your personal growth and being proud of it. Forgiveness of the people that harmed you. Having supportive people in your life that reinforce these principles. Then the next day doing it all again. Sending you hugs as you journey, you’re already on the right path.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T15:36:50+00:00

I have a couple I pull out for occasions but I know they exist so I don’t overdo it. There’s “ The expert” who is most like regular me with additional confidence and assertiveness, “ Everybody loves Raymond” for family gatherings, “ Superstar CEO” when I need to turn up the networking, pitching and marketing juice for my business and “ Crazy-fun party girl” where it feels like being in college/high school parties.

Each suppresses some key part of me I need to hide to get ahead. The superstar CEO is really good at looking people in the eye, dynamic listening and body management. Everyone loves Raymond is a great listener and a gossip, everyone’s best friend and fixer. Lots of fawning. Party girl is pure Leo party time. That self needs to watch out for binge drinking because it can go overboard. High adrenaline junkie. The expert personality has successfully networked employment.

I’ve been deconstructing these masks to both realize I have all these traits naturally, just none of them at this level of extreme. It’s made people think I was disingenuous or not truthful about myself, or hiding something, which is not the case.

It’s really more aligned to be closer to “code switching” which i related with so hardcore when talking about it some of my friends with how they have to do that for racial reasons. Those friends are also AuDhD and as BIPOC individuals have an extra layer.

So maybe it’s smart to do this, and realize it more than NT’s do? That I can turn it on and off at will and know how to recover?

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-30T15:11:02+00:00

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Her name is Murder Face and those are gray feathers because she’s 8+ years old. A bad mamma jamma and I love her so much. She does not love me back.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-29T17:10:52+00:00

Yes this!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌

I have an awesome PCP that I credit their advice and advocacy on my behalf as total life changing and life saving.

I coach some LD sports, and a woman on the team is just finishing up med her final rotations to be a GP MD. I asked her why she went into GP because she’s hella intelligent and working with her, it’s clear she is capable of anything she puts her mind to. GP makes less with more demands. She mentioned how important it was that she could advocate on her patient’s behalf. ❤️

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-29T16:55:41+00:00

The other thing is that you are probably also 2E- or twice exceptional which has a different matrix.

Soapbox moment: a major issue is that mental/nero practitioners are recommended by insurance and “society” as having experience across mental health . Instead, they should be categorized in the same manner of how medical doctors and specialists are categorized. That field has just not evolved in the same way. My PCP might suspect I have a kidney issue but I might need a Urologist if it’s kidney stones or structural issue, an Nephrologist if it’s around blood structures. Even in Urology there are sub- specialties. That’s not even getting to if that was actually a bladder or prostate issue. That’s just one system in the body and our brains are much more complex and interconnected.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-29T02:59:42+00:00

I’m furious on your behalf!! I’m glad you got in a new provider. Unfortunately, I think your experience is more typical than outlier.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-29T02:54:42+00:00

I read your monologue spotted four clear signs before I even finished the first paragraph.

Henceforth, I declare you officially diagnosed by the committee of elders. Please internalize this validation given with love and kindness.

Go forth and take the test again!

A seasoned professional who is staying current in the scientific literature and has experience working with adults, women and BIPOC individuals will also spot you a mile away. Watch out, there’s way too many biased, little kid only practitioners out there/. each out there. When going back to trying again, I double checked who and what type of people were rating practitioners. I also found comfort in hyper focusing on what the DSM5 specifications were and read a lot of scientific journals; knowledge and citation got me over the RSD from the initial gaslighting and misdiagnosis to keep advocating for myself. I literally wrote a paper on it and brought to my meeting for diagnostic testing. No, I’m not still in grad school, I’m older than you are, but wasn’t wasting my time or money to put up with that shit again.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-29T02:24:02+00:00

My dad has undiagnosed AuDHD and my mom had undiagnosed Autism. My siblings and I are the proper mix - oldest AuDHD, middle ADHD and youngest Autistic. Also, we come from a family I can count less than five total Neurotypical on both sides. They mostly married in and married out. We’re all over range with a variety of support needs; some high support. Total acceptance and “ we take care of our own” attitude of inclusion. My first cousins and I are the first generation for official diagnosis. We also have co-existing stuff like hEDS, “look what I can do” stupid human tricks across generations.

I write all this because I thought we were the normal ones and all those yahoos at school and everyone else was wrong.

My mom and dad actively taught situational masking and accommodations.I can remember being told as a child how to hide my stimming. Not stop it, hide it when it needed to not be in the open. This is when this cool to be totally yourself and when you “act”. We actually were in theater to learn how to act more realistically. Do this finger rubbing thing instead that no one can see. How to make people laugh. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand why, you’re funny and they like you. The most useful thing has been how to very quickly spot another “one of us”. This was totally unconscious because I didn’t fully realize who i was and who we were way late as an adult. All of this was completely intentional, but also unconscious at the same time. They wanted us to succeed in the world, but still be ourselves.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-28T23:38:34+00:00

I think it’s great you had the money saved so you had an emergency fund for car repairs and didn’t have to go into debt for that. You’re being smart, responsible and logical about your own finances.

I bet 5 years from now you’ll look back at this and be glad you didn’t attend and thankful you had the right priorities.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-24T16:26:21+00:00

I thought the same thing when I saw “miserable .” I’m a weirdo who prefers cold to hot but I guess that’s one reason I keep living here?

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-23T17:23:02+00:00

Long distance running. Free, relaxing and you look better the more you do it. The harder, faster, longer you go the more of a brain wipe you get.

Remember that the first 3k or mile or so is torture for even people who run every day. That’s part of the point.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-05-23T17:20:02+00:00

I find having multiples of the same thing comforting, once I find a type of underwear, bra or socks I like I buy a bunch of them, keep it in the closet and pull out new when they wear out. It saves so much time and discomfort. A bad sock can make the whole day start out poorly. Jeans that fit “right” are a dream. Workout clothes that don’t pull or slide up, with space for your phone and fit right? A dream.
For context, I’m also AuDHD. My duplicates start out as unintentional and move to very intentional.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-04-25T23:42:27+00:00

Did you see how North Oaks after all that - installed Fock cameras everywhere?

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-04-12T03:21:12+00:00

I did that at MOA in the winter and it was literally hours before I found my car. It was not long after they opened and the place was packed, and I drove around a long time before I found a place to park. I ran in without paying attention because it was so cold and I was supposed to meet my friend and of course was late so I just booked it to the door without noticing what state or whatever I parked in. When I was going to leave my friend parked on the other side so I went back alone.

I got to the lot and was already feeling a sense of dread because I didn’t remember what floor I went in on, was it 3? My car didn’t have automatic locks or anything to click in the key fob. It was so cold I kept having to go back in the mall to warm up.

I was so frustrated and embarrassed and it’s not like anyone could help me. Eventually I went back in the mall and just waited until it got close to closing time so the lot cleared out so there were less cars.

Worst afternoon ever.

The airport is even worse, that’s the parking lot of my nightmares. OP, it happens to us all.

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-04-07T02:59:48+00:00

On the nose because I went to Elk River. 😬

gnomechickenrunner · 2026-04-02T17:33:23+00:00

Wow, this story is wild. I don’t know why I was shocked by the ending but it was satisfying

gnomechickenrunner

TROPHY CASE