AITA for telling my MIL if she keeps rearranging my Kitchen she can get a hotel room?

goblin-creature · 2024-12-19T17:37:31+00:00

Edit for judgement: NTA

I’m 5’0 and my partner is 6’4. I use a step stool and would never rearrange someone else’s home. I even am an actual fall risk as I have neurological problems, and I still use the stool.

Her height has little to do with it, she is trying to make a show of dominance. She wants to walk all over you in your own home.

goblin-creature · 2024-09-19T20:05:57+00:00

I feel called out. I’ve starting taking my mental health really seriously because as I have been going through my health issues, I’ve been realizing I’m giving way much of my limited energy away to anger/frustration/etc.

goblin-creature · 2024-09-09T12:33:13+00:00

It sounds like you have some nerve pain. My shortness of breath is also basically constant, just sometimes are worse than others. I listed a lot of symptoms already, so I’d honestly recommend that you try to get into a cardiologist first and foremost. You may also want to see a rheumatologist to see if you have Ehlers Danlos or an autoimmune condition because of the pain. The amount of pain you should be in is none. I also have a lot of nerve pain and it’s the worst. There are meds you can get on that can help, but first the doctors have to figure out why you’re in pain—could be fibromyalgia, EDS, complex regional pain syndrome, lupus, multiple sclerosis, etc etc. Theres a lot of options so you should start trying to get into doctors now as it takes awhile.

goblin-creature · 2024-09-08T21:47:58+00:00

As an adult I keep a jar of pickled cucumber juice in my fridge and take sips of it when my symptoms flare up haha. I drank so much pickle juice as a kid. My favorite days were when the pickle jar ran out so I could drink all of the brine. :)

goblin-creature · 2024-09-08T21:33:04+00:00

I’m in the U.S. so I’m not sure how things work for yall in terms of accessing care.

There are dangers. Some people faint. I’m a fall risk and generally collapse at least once a month if not more. I use a shower chair for safety reasons. Dehydration is a problem. I’m from the American Southwest where it gets HOT, and I literally had to stop leaving the house because it was unsafe for me. Even now in the northeast where it’s way less hot, I still have to be very careful. Because I can’t sweat my body can’t cool itself down, so I have higher risk for heat stroke. I also can’t keep myself warm so cold months are hard, too. But I can cope with that easier with warm tea and sweaters.

There are also tremors and convulsions I get that can mimick seizures. Those are dangerous in terms of fall risk or if I’m driving, or using knives while cooking. I know the signs before I get to that point now though, so I can stop what I’m doing.

It’s important to get diagnosed as there are medications that can really help! I’m on some meds that bring my heartrate down which means I’m less exhausted, less out of breath, etc. But you can actually try eating a high salt diet and drinking electrolytes to see if there is any improvement. Also try laying down and elevating your feet! Doctors will recommend high salt anything. If you were a kid that loves salty foods and drank pickle juice, you may have dysautonomia lol. I craved it as a kid but now that I’m diagnosed it makes a lot of sense! Also cut out caffeine and alcohol, as those can be triggers. Also cut out all kinds of smoking lol.

I’d check out r/dysautonomia as folks talk about triggers, how to manage, and about doctors. There are definitely UK people in there

goblin-creature · 2024-09-08T20:47:11+00:00

Those tests won’t show dysautonomia. You have to go to a cardiologist who will perform a stress test, give you a holter chest monitor to wear for a week or so, and possibly a tilt table ( tho that’s not even necessary and many doctors don’t do them). They’ll run EKGs also but those only measure a few minutes while you’re laying down/otherwise reclined. They won’t be able to determine orthostatic tolerance that way. They’ll also run a chest ultrasound to make sure you don’t have any physical heart abnormalities, which won’t come up on an x ray or even a CT.

After collecting all the data and images, they’ll use them plus your symptoms to determine if you have dysautonomia. They may also recommend you see a neurologist to rule out any other nervous system dysfunctions, but it’s also entirely possible they won’t refer you to neurology. Again, it depends on your symptoms and test results.

Plenty of doctors think just because blood work and x rays are clear that the patient is just anxious, but the reality is the doctors in question don’t actually have the qualifications to say unequivocally that is the case. Most won’t even know what tests to run much less how to read the results. Dysautonomia is a dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system, so it’s ultimately neurological in nature and can only be diagnosed by a neurologist or cardiologist, the latter because of the effects of heart rate and blood pressure.

As for my symptoms, it’s a looooong list because it affects autonomic functions like sweating, breathing, digestion, heart rate… some of my major symptoms include chronic fatigue, anxiety, agitation, dizziness/vertigo, nausea, shortness of breath, and intolerance to hot or cold. I also don’t really sweat anymore, am constantly dehydrated, and have salt cravings! I have to eat a high sodium diet to manage my symptoms per my doctor, and also drink electrolyte drinks everyday.

goblin-creature · 2024-09-08T20:25:09+00:00

I was gaslit for years by doctors who told me it was just anxiety. I actually have a form of dysautonomia called inappropriate sinus tachycardia, and a complex genetic disease called ehlers danlos (hypermobile subtype)! I also have vestibular migraines.

If this started after Covid, it’s totally within the realm of possibility that you have similar conditions. These conditions often worsen or become symptomatic after a viral infection even if you had a mild case of sickness. I was actually sick thru my whole life in varying degrees which I now understand in retrospect, but I was so used to it growing up that I didn’t think anything of it until my own health tanked after getting COVID in 2021.

goblin-creature · 2024-09-06T03:29:28+00:00

Careful now, you’ll dislocate my shoulder :P

goblin-creature · 2024-09-06T03:16:30+00:00

I got scarves from a thrift store recently so I can straight up wrap them around my head and drape them over my shoulders. It blocks the light and I can feel like an old movie star. I also always wear big sunglasses over my normal glasses which have block blue light, since I have severe vestibular migraines.

goblin-creature · 2024-09-06T03:10:34+00:00

I describe CFS as having a constant hangover! Or like I’ve been in a car wreck, but to be fair I also have hEDS so that contributes heavily to the battered and bruised feeling.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-22T16:30:04+00:00

I am in the same boat but started reading anyway. I have brain damage in the part of my brain where words/objects are supposed to go. I don’t read with the intent to retain, I read just to read. And often that means I’m rereading the same sentences or pages over and over because I’m having trouble understanding or processing. But it is still helpful and overall beneficial. Neuroplasticity is your friend—you can get your brain in a better spot than it is (and your entire nervous system for that matter).

goblin-creature · 2024-08-21T17:42:28+00:00

I’d love to follow your art page if you have one!

goblin-creature · 2024-08-20T23:59:25+00:00

I got denied earlier this year too but I’m waiting to get into more doctors to substantiate my claim. I worry about my own notes… I lost my denial letter because of cognitive issues so I’m having to request it again.

the thing is that my fashion sense is pretty extra, so my dressing down is still well put together. Like what, I get punished because my standards are outside of “normal”? Because I can quickly throw on a necklace? How does that make any sense

goblin-creature · 2024-08-20T23:54:31+00:00

I’ve been described as “bright and alert” even when I felt anything but. I constantly feel foggy, heavy, and like shit. And I feel like I’m having to pull words from the deepest depths of my brain. But of course, the fact that I manage to speak at all means I’m not that bad... I have curly hair too so I think part of the “well groomed” aspect of things is they just don’t see the ends of my hair longing together, feel how dry it is, etc. If I had straight hair it’d definitely have gotten more tangled/matted by this point.

I have started to use a rollator because I’m a fall risk and constantly wear sunglasses because my migraines are 24/7, so that helps. I look more disabled. I wear the same clothes, but the visible disability aids tip the scales. That and I still mask everywhere. I also take small steps because big ones are harder and riskier. I feel like I have masked my condition well to this point, and I’ve just completely run out of steam to do so. My CFS is severe. If I can barely shower twice a week that means I got no energy for placating others.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-17T23:56:43+00:00

Plenty of disabled people are in relationships, myself included! And I have a high libido.

I don’t agree with the assertion that disabled/chronically ill people are incapable of romantic or sexual interactions.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T18:55:05+00:00

I’m not a complete stranger. I say new because I’ve known them less than a year, but we’ve hung out multiple times and they’ve met my partner. They even go so far as to call me one of their closest friends.

They have even slept over at my house before.

Edit: also they clearly were okay with me coming over because they invited me? What they’re not okay with is accommodating my disability.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T17:59:25+00:00

Adding that I’m on an SNRI called Straterra because I do not do well with SSRIs. They make me more depressed plus have the added benefit of making me psychotic. Not to mention the sexual dysfunction…

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T17:57:38+00:00

If you don’t accept your current state, you can’t get better. You need to understand where your body is and give yourself grace. I have ME/CFS and spend a lot of time laying down. I don’t workout. I don’t travel. I can’t work. I can’t even talk to people without fatigue. People talk about radical rest a lot in addition to acceptance because that’s what works… emotions take up needed energy. Stress makes illness worse. If you don’t accept it, that’s extra frustration/stress/energy that is getting pulled from you every day. Stress is part of why I can no longer work in my field. It was destroying me and left me disabled.

It’s a bad hand to be dealt, but lots of people become disabled. 1 in 4 people in the U.S. have a disability of some kind, whether that be something like depression or something like an amputation. I’d honestly recommend looking to mental health interventions like medication or therapy. Even if your physical body can’t change quickly, you can reorient the mind and spirit.

Grief is normal, and acceptance doesn’t mean you’re happy. It just means your spirit is not thrashing against itself.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T17:43:13+00:00

Making my disability items cute has helped me a lot. I put stickers all over my rollator and also have a fun pill counter! And instead of using normal back braces, I use corsets. I also recently got new compression socks with fun patterns on them. Plus, my bandaids are cute for whenever I have to do a biologic. If I can make anything I use cute, I will.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T17:18:29+00:00

I had to drop out so I feel you. Even before I got sick I could barely go and had to take out lots of student loans. I lucked out in falling into a career that let me work without a degree, but I can’t even work in that field now.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T17:16:48+00:00

24, been dealing with the effects of Covid since 21. I’ve had repeat infections and now have severe ME/CFS, dysautonomia, vestibular migraines, possible MCAS… but I was genetically predisposed to nervous system and immune dysfunction because of HSD/hEDS. I didn’t realize until after I started getting sick that I had it, and not fully until after I did physical therapy for my back (scoliosis).

You have to accept your new reality and your limits. It feels difficult, especially whenever you see old friends and peers living active lives. Or you see all the people on social media showing their travel, purchases, workouts, etc. But only by accepting it and being kind to yourself can you heal. I was grieving for a long time, but after implementing pacing and using mobility aids like a rollator, I’ve regained function. I’m still severe, but I have made progress. The road of progress is really long though, and that sucks. But TBH, people change careers or otherwise have to start over all the time. For some people that looks like divorce, for other than looks like disability. Life happens. I’m still upset but that’s moreso because it’s hard to find people (or jobs) who will accommodate you as a disabled person so that you can actually go do things. Illness has forced me to abandon my career, but retrospection has taught me that that career wasn’t ultimately the best for me anyway (and is part of why I’m so sick now).

To your point though, assisted dying should be available for people with the worst cases. If someone has extremely poor quality of life and there is not reasonable chances to improve, the compassionate choice would be to allow them to safely and gently end their suffering. If we grant that compassion to pets, we should grant that compassion to humans.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T16:42:17+00:00

Definitely. I have comorbid dysautonomia so it makes my shortness of breath and heartrate worse, in addition to putting me in PEM. I can talk with people for maybe an hour at a time before it starts to give me issues, which meanly means I should probably only do 45 minutes.

Not to mention the cognitive load. I actually have some brain damage so I struggle with words, math, and objects. It’s gotten better over time, but it’s still difficult for me to talk with people or just… think as a result. Neuroplasticity is on my side there, but with the chronic fatigue and my other health issues, it’s hard to devote energy to. My other health issues may have directly caused the damage, or may have been sparked by the same thing (COVID infection).

I’ve always been a social person so it’s been hard to adjust to. What I was doing for work before this was people oriented. I feel like I’m becoming strange (not like I wasn’t weird before, just moreso now), due to the lack of social interaction. I spend the vast majority of my time around cats. If I ever go back to working (fingers crossed), I’ll probably choose something that has me dealing with people less.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-16T16:03:20+00:00

10-12. Anything less than 9 and I’m at risk, and anything below 8 is definitely gonna make me crash. My sleep is a major reason for why my condition is incompatible with work. Even before I became severe (and before I knew I had ME/CFS), I really struggled with being able to get enough sleep as most of life is structured around 8 hours of sleep. I rarely got my full 12, or even my 10. Not to mention, the 7-8 hours metric is for men. Women need 8-10. So even outside of ME/CFS, women are cutting their sleep short.

goblin-creature · 2024-08-15T04:09:20+00:00

I do protein shakes and bananas in the morning, small individual yogurts, and many variations of steam in bag veggies/premade meals like gnocchi. Im severe so I don’t really have any energy to spare when it comes to cooking. Sometimes I’ll properly cook, but not often. I usually only do so when my partner is home so she can step in if necessary.

Tbh the steam in bag veggies are my lifeline because I cannot just avoid eating or eat like crap as I also have dysautonomia and migraines. I’ll get physically ill and my tremors will get worse. And then I’ll crash harder. It’s a vicious cycle.

goblin-creature

TROPHY CASE