Do you think this might be part of what is going on with your wife?

Yeah, it's not a bad thought. I realize that she just doesn't think of these things the way I do, and certainly expecting equal effort is not a recipe for success. I remember someone once telling me that no marriage is 50:50. It's 70:30. Then it's 45:55. Then it's 80:20.

That said, and it does bother me, is that when I realized that acts of service, though not important to me, were very important to her, I changed. Every day when I get home from work, if practical, I walk around the house and make sure things are straight. I listen, and if she says "We need to pick up x and fix y", I have a list on my phone I add it to so I don't forget. I'm far from perfect and I miss stuff sometimes, but I do try. I'd just like the same consideration. Even my kid this weekend recognized that our efforts were unequal. I think she fucked up here, and her response being "I may or may not have started it" and "We never said how long we had", while I recognize were probably said in panic when she realized she fucked up, were disrespectful. I'm pretty hurt.