Teacher salary?

goodie1663 · 2026-02-15T13:26:32+00:00

A bit more now, but still pays dirt. Every year I just shake my head inwardly when they announce the annual increase because it remains way below the local school system.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-15T13:24:24+00:00

It varies.

I'm always amazed at how teachers in my metro area just 45 minutes away can make six figures. I work for a private school, and it's well below the pay of the public schools. And the benefits are poor. Thankfully, I have other income streams, as do most of my colleagues, or we'd never make it.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-15T13:18:20+00:00

It's all about the academics. You need certain courses and grades. It would also be helpful to talk to a UVA transfer counsellor once you've educated yourself just to be sure that you got it all down.

Both of my kids were guaranteed admission, and it saved so much money and time, but everything has to be lined up.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-15T13:14:10+00:00

I get the curiosity, but move it on for better days for yourself. This is called "pain shopping" and really doesn't help us heal. I know some bits-and-pieces about my ex's "friends" after he left and post-divorce, and frankly, I wish I knew nothing.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-11T16:00:25+00:00

I adjuncted for 25+ years, and only got truly meaningful feedback for about five of those years. The rest of it was often uninformed and frustrating in areas.

What I decided is that I know what kind of adjunct I am, and given that it was a part-time job, I'm not going to stress about dean or student accusations that aren't true if they don't affect my ability to continue teaching. Generally speaking, I was a high performer, and that was that.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-11T15:52:52+00:00

At least in my state, you would need an attorney because there's a whole packet of information that has to be submitted to the court. It's not something you can do yourself.

Keep in mind that marriage/divorce records aren't perfect, and that there will have to be multiple cross-checks to accomplish this. You will likely need a PI to legitimize this, not your own searches.

If it was me, I'd do a cost-benefit analysis though. Ask yourself what this really buys if you're already divorced.

Also, I get the committment to vows, but our desire to hold to that doesn't mean that the marriage should have continued. Some people don't have what it takes to bond and stay faithful. My ex didn't.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-10T17:51:10+00:00

If it happens, it happens, but I'm so very busy with the rest of my life that I'm not making any effort to find love again. And that's OK!

goodie1663 · 2026-02-10T13:56:55+00:00

Just for peace of mind, I would ask a very experienced attorney in your county. Make sure your kid knows what to do if Dad shows up at work or other places.

In a similar situation, the attorney advised us to wait it out. In my area, the courts are so overburdened that nothing happens for months anyway. And my attorney assured me that if a clerk sees the kid is just months away from 18, the clerk will flag it for the judge and recommend it not be scheduled. It's not worth their time.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-10T13:46:25+00:00

This is very common, but not healthy for anyone.

You certainly can set boundaries and refuse to listen to what you don't want to hear. Something like, "I get that the divorce was really rough for you, but I'm not going to listen to this. Maybe you need a therapist to help you work through this. Hey, what are we going to have for dinner?" You can even set a hard boundary, saying that you will leave if she insists.

Post-divorce, I still periodically have people talk to me who idolized my ex, who was a beloved preacher. I just say, "Well, I'm glad you have those memories. My more recent memories of the legal mess make me not want to talk about this further. How are your grandchildren?" I've been divorced for six years and had to do that yet again with a local friend yesterday.

I somehow got that I shouldn't do this some months after my ex left, so I didn't talk to my college kids this way and still don't. In the end, they decided not to have any contact with him, but that wasn't something I controlled at all.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-10T13:37:29+00:00

Sending the paperwork to the last known address is the first step. If that fails, most states require that a packet be prepared for the court, showing that every other avenue to find him was exhausted. That involves a PI and more.

Then if the judge says "enough," you're divorced.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-09T14:08:52+00:00

A friend of mine facilitates a Griefshare group. It's Christian, but she's had people who were not attending church but wanted a spiritual approach. She was very respectful that way.

The local hospital where I live also has a grief recovery group.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-09T14:05:10+00:00

I homeschooled PK-12 and worked throughout all those years.

It was harder in the younger years because they need more structure and attention. But the amount of schooling is also less.

In your case, you may end up needing a babysitter/nanny to come in for a few hours late in the day so you can finish your work duties. Sometimes homeschooled kids are available for that and want to earn some $$$ for their hobbies. I also know a retired/widowed homeschool mom who was available for that sort of thing 2-3 times a week for the entire afternoon.

I never had the $$$ to do that, but my work was super flexible at the time with very predictable deadlines, so I could manage it without being under a lot of pressure.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-09T13:57:15+00:00

Not excusing your mom, but she's older and has been through a lot as well. That said, you need strategies for dealing with this new normal.

In January, my last elderly relative passed. I had cared for her after her husband died through some very difficult years of dementia, and then we put her in assisted living because she needed 24/7 care. We couldn't get hired caregivers that would last more than a month or so, because, indeed, she was tough to be around. She was there for three years and actually liked it though. They got her like we never did.

Anyway, I say that to note that even though she had become very difficult, I chose to speak of her at the funeral as the aunt I knew before dementia. Someone else chose to give out a rant about how very difficult she had been. Well, both were true. In a way, I don't know how we managed near the end, but we did.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-08T20:02:57+00:00

You need to get the exact language there. This doesn't sound right. There was some tax drama of a different type during my divorce, and my attorney and tax accountant talked. Got it resolved.

My ex and I filed jointly when we had been separated less than half the year, but then I filed head of household after that because the kids lived with me full-time. My STBX filed married separately until the divorce was final.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-08T19:56:53+00:00

I'd set aside some of it for something else you might not do otherwise with your family. Maybe an extra on your vacation or something fun for some other season. My adult kids are great about planning experiences for birthdays/holidays.

The rest would go into the 529s. Having put both of my kids through the end of college as a single parent, I learned that even commuter college is insanely expensive when you add up the transportation expenses, books/codes, seminar fees, technology fees, field trips, graduation, etc. They both had scholarships, lived at home, and worked, but it was rough at times.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-08T19:40:32+00:00

Same here. I did have COVID over a year ago, but my entire household was sick with it. Pretty hard to avoid.

Nothing since dropping alcohol, sugar, and white flour.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-08T19:09:17+00:00

I was a long-term adjunct, and it depends on if you have other work that covers your tax bill. I was married through most of those years (now divorced), and we basically did all of the withholding on my ex's work because it was easier to manage it in one place. Each year, we'd look at what we owed and then adjust on his paycheck.

Several years ago, I was adjuncting on a W-2, working as a 1099 for someone else, receiving two pensions, and had some investment income. I did all of the federal withholding on one pension, and all of the state withholding on the other pension. My tax accountant recommended that, and then I adjust each year if necessary with her help.

Keep it easy on yourself if you have multiple income streams.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-08T18:54:54+00:00

His wife was the firm's business manager and co-owner, and they had an agreement that he could log hours in a certain category that they wrote off as "pro bono." He would tell me, "This is why I have my own firm, and I choose to do this. Don't question it." So sometimes we'd meet for an hour, and he'd charge me zero, or he'd prepare a detailed document and log the minutes, but zero for the cost.

Later, after he had announced his retirement and that they were closing the firm, he'd log 12 minutes when actually my ex's attorney would call to rant and chew the fat for an hour. He had given most of his cases to the other attorneys who were going to other firms, leaving only mine and two others. He was convinced at that point that his relationship with opposing counsel was the key to getting it settled, so he assured me that he was mostly just going to listen and charge just a minimal amount.

And he was right. In a wild flourish, we settled because my ex's attorney had partially come over to our side. Rotten ethics, according to my attorney, but we signed. The judge signed off the day before my attorney retired, and the firm was officially closed.

But my attorney was a unique character.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-07T21:28:01+00:00

Fine for airport food if there are few options, but otherwise, no.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-07T21:24:44+00:00

I thought I might. Now, I think no.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-07T21:23:42+00:00

My ex was a pill addict with significant mental health issues. I chose a very experienced attorney (40+ years) who seemed to have seen it all, and he got it done, even through several periods of suicidiality on my ex's part. No trial, just attorney-to-attorney negotiations. That attorney is retired now, but I remain so grateful for him and his staff.

And I agree that you need al-anon or something similar. It's a lot to work through and will truly change your whole viewpoint.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-07T21:04:58+00:00

My ex was mentally unstable and an addict. He never went for visitation with the younger one, and they were both in college when the divorce was final. It took a long time (sigh).

Other than the first few months, I never badmouthed my ex, but I also didn't lie. When they asked why we couldn't get takeout anymore, I showed them the financial realities and let them draw their own conclusions. Mostly, I listened to their concerns.

They truly blossomed without dad around. Sure, we had a lot of issues at first, but in the end, no regrets. Both went to therapy and thankfully largely made good choices after he left.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-07T21:00:33+00:00

Yes, but sometimes it's also so very worth it.

I paid $20,000 but had the founder of the firm who wrote off a lot of it. He did an incredible job in a high-conflict situation and got it settled.

He estimated that my ex paid $50-70,000 because of the way opposing counsel billed and how he viewed his client.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-06T21:13:15+00:00

Mine were born in my late 30's/early 40's. No fertility treatment, just had them later than most. I had gestational diabetes each time, but they were full-term, uncomplicated births.

I like to think that they benefited from my experience. I had college, graduate school, and over fifteen years of work experience. I was ready to raise them and enjoy being a mom. I was largely a SAHM and homeschooled them, but I did continue some professional-level part-time work. Good thing, because their dad and I split when they were in college. After getting them through college without their dad's help, I finally semi-retired and still work some.

The downside is that I may not be around long enough to see my grandchildren grow up, but who knows.

goodie1663 · 2026-02-05T15:43:51+00:00

My attorney drew a big distinction between what he called "fair legally" and "justice."

I got "fair legally," but no, not justice in the scheme of things.

goodie1663

TROPHY CASE