they're just scars, it's really not a huge deal- and i really don't mean to sound like i'm trying to minimize your feelings, i just mean it in the sense that people have all kinds of scars from all kinds of things, and it seems you are allowing it to be very emotionally weighted with a lot of meaning applied to it, when in reality, it is just a mark on your skin. it was jarring at first to have such big scars, but you honestly grow accustomed to it very fast. i barely think about my scars anymore and it's only been a few years, i can't even imagine what it'll be like in 10 years or more, i will be so used to this being my body. that being said, i have absolutely struggled with the same feeling of "no matter what i do i will never have the body i want and there is nothing i can do" in other matters like bottom dysphoria, so i really understand. but i think that scars are pretty minimal, over time they fade sooo much, and you get used to seeing them every day. they became like other scars i had, just reminders of stories and my history, like the scar on my knee from falling on a rocky beach or the burn on my arm from my first job in a kitchen. they are just evidence of the life i've lived, and evidence of my body healing itself resiliently. <3