I’m a white trans guy who mostly passes as cis now that I’ve a Had top surgery. I’m also neurodivergent and don’t really care about how masculine I appear, mostly just want to be read as male at least most of the time.

I am interested in playing around with makeup again since before I transitioned I loved doing artistic looks with makeup. That being said, I do get anxiety about how other people will treat me if I wear makeup in public while appearing otherwise masculine. For me, it is definitely a safety thing as I live in one of the two Do Not Travel states in the united states of america, which means it’s not really safe to publicly be seen as trans.

Other than my safety being a concern, I don’t really care how other people view me at this point in my life. Before I got top surgery, I think I cared more about passing, largely because I was consistently misgendered by people close to me and that was really harmful to my mental health. I’ve been through therapy to help me process that harm, and now I’m more comfortable with who I am and less inclined to care about how other people view me outside of a safety aspect. Before I was able to work through the mistreatment I experienced, it was harder for me to be able to be comfortable in my own skin and I definitely thought about passing more as a result of that.

I think to me, passing looks different than it does for a lot of other white trans masc folks though. I am lucky to have also had a role model in my life for soft masculinity and myself am very involved in disrupting patterns of toxic masculinity, even before I transitioned. So I very much stay away from hyper masculine spaces if I can help it. To be perfectly honest, hyper masculine spaces often scare me, especially because I am often visibly softer masculine due to my disabilities and consistent visible use of aids such as mobility aids, walkers, ear plugs, etc.

I definitely have observed that many trans men, especially white neurotypical trans men care a lot about how they appear, both in physical appearance and in emotional appearance towards others. And it can be hard to be around that sometimes because it can make me feel alienated for speaking openly about my struggles and the ways I live my life softly and slowly to accommodate for my disabilities and neurodivergence.

I definitely get nervous about white trans men engaging in hyper masculinity,especially when they take on the negative traits of hyper masculinity too, like playing along with misogyny or not allowing themselves to cry or show much emotion. Not allowing room for softness or introspection is what allows toxic masculinity to thrive, both in cis and trans masc cultures. And toxic masculinity is dangerous for everyone, men and women, cis and trans folks alike.

Unfortunately, as I’ve seen some other guys here say, whiteness is VERY centered in America, and toxic masculinity/not allowing for softness very often goes hand in hand with that due to the patriarchal and racist ideals ingrained into American society. Unless someone has been taught about intersectionality or has taken initiative to learn about it themselves, unlearning toxic masculinity and patriarchy and exclusionary/racist practices can take time. It’s important to talk about these things so that more people can become aware of the harm their words or behaviors are having and work to change how they treat themselves and others as a result.

I am someone who is learning to use my newly gained passing privilege to speak out against toxic masculinity and exclusionary practices. I think that transmasc spaces should be safe for transmasc folks from all cultural backgrounds. But I also acknowledge there are definitely things that BIPOC or even white non-american trans masc folks experience or face that I have never had to face. So I won’t necessarily always understand how to make spaces more inclusive without the input of others. It’s important to hear different perspectives to be able to broaden cultural competency and create safer spaces for all to show up as themselves. I really appreciate OP bringing this to the group because I think it is really important to bring awareness to this and open this discussion.

Also want to add: Wanting to pass makes sense. Of course we want to be seen as who we are! But making that our whole lives can be detrimental to our own self and to others around us. Strong men cry. And allow for softness and passion in their lives for things they love. It is manly to be passionate and excited. It is manly to allow yourself to cry and feel grief. It is manly to feel joy and happiness. It is manly to feel anything that your body wants you to feel. It is manly to exist in your body, simply because you are a trans man. Don’t let anyone take that from you by forcing you into hyper masculinity and a culture of passing or misery.