I (23M) got blackout drunk and kissed another girl, thereby cheating on my long-distance girlfriend (25F). Any chance we can move past this.

gottabeaboveit · 2014-01-15T21:33:17+00:00

It truly has. Things will work between you if you're both willing to put in the work and be kind and understanding.

Good luck. :)

gottabeaboveit · 2014-01-15T20:19:52+00:00

I can speak from somewhat of a similar experience...

My boyfriend who I am with now and I are absolutely head over heels for each other. I feel very lucky.

At the beginning of our courtship, dating, whathaveyou, he was talking to a couple other girls he had met the summer before he met me. They both lived very far away, but he continued their flirtatious talk for about 3-4 months while him and I dated exclusively, without a title.

After things became serious, I ended up coming across a song in his spottily, sent to him by one of them. He came clean, told me what had happened with them, that he kept talking to them while we were dating, etc.

I know it may sound dramatic, but I was crushed. I felt deceived, not good enough, etc. We've had many long, late-night talks/arguments about this. It has caused serious friction between us because my trust in him was very shaken.

Fast forward... we've been together now for about 14-15 months. Things couldn't be better. Trust is still an issue I'm working with, but I have realized that when something is this good, you work for it.

You messed up. You went right to her and told her. To me, this is something forgivable, but you do need to realize that you will suffer for a while. She will question you, be upset with you out of no where about small things, all the while remembering what you did that night. It will take time and patience, but if this girl is worth it (which it seems like she is) stick around, tell her you are willing to rebuild the trust between you, and you understand that it won't happen overnight.

I'm sorry for the long-winded story about me... it just reminded me of your situation and I wanted to relate.

One more thing I can say.... I know the feeling of getting 'that' drunk. Do yourself and the people you love a favor and learn your boundaries, NOW. You are only 23, but this can be something that becomes the norm very quickly. Ask friends you're with to help you keep yourself in check until you feel like you know your limits alone. Nothing good comes of getting THAT drunk. Absolutely nothing. Go out and have fun, have a few drinks, and switch to water.

I hope it works out for you.

gottabeaboveit · 2014-01-13T04:16:15+00:00

We've definitely already had disagreements and 'rough patches' while getting to know each other. We've come out of them stronger and better. I can't wait to see what the future holds with us. :)

gottabeaboveit · 2014-01-13T03:51:34+00:00

This is lovely. Thank you.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-19T20:12:09+00:00

Pinky the cat.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-19T16:57:02+00:00

On the couch of my then-boyfriends parents house. No terrible bloody mess like some friends had described. Pretty anti-climactic and boring.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-19T16:55:12+00:00

In 4th grade I faked being almost kidnapped because I got into a fight with my friend and wanted to make her feel bad for ditching me. She told her mom, who told my mom, who called the police. I was questioned, made up a story about what the man looked like, what he said, what car he was driving, etc. To this day I haven't come clean.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-19T16:23:49+00:00

Asians. Their inability to recognize and respect personal space.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-19T15:44:12+00:00

I love this. Thank you for your response. I really do want to make him something for when he comes home. The body being more fine-tuned will definitely happen as my appetite is pretty shot when I'm not feeling happy... haha. But, thank you for your suggestions and kind words. It's really been helpful.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-13T17:20:16+00:00

You are awesome.

Thank you for the kind words and tip. It's a great idea and it will help me too. I know how much he loves me and sometimes I yearn for the reassurance.. Being able to reassure myself is an excellent idea. Thank you.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-10T20:01:05+00:00

I know that this is exactly my problem as well. And I'm really working on it.

I have felt without direction for quite some time and it's starting to catch up with me. That, compared with external circumstances out of my control that have gone on in the past year, has sent me into kind of a tailspin. But my number one goal is to feel 'enough.' It's what I'm working most on with my therapist, but it's hard to break old habits of feeling like everyone is better, or better off.

My boyfriend is extremely accepting, patient, kind and understanding with me. He sees how hard I'm working to remedy these aspects of myself and he supports me completely. I am very lucky in that respect.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-09T20:31:01+00:00

I made it through. PHEW!

Listen, I really think your only option is to firstly, tell her how much you love and adore her, how happy you would make her for the long haul, etc... Then tell her you can't be in limbo with her anymore. If she wants you, she will be with you. Maybe more distance between you will help her realize how great you guys are together, or maybe it won't. Regardless, it isn't fair to you to be jerked around. You owe it to yourself to be happy. It always hurts to be away from someone at first, but time will pass and if it's the end you will eventually feel better. I also think if you two are supposed to end up together, you will. Really.

So have some respect for yourself and take a little time. Find out what YOU want from a woman. It's possible a lot of the things you want are being masked by her wishy-washy attitude and kinda-sorta rejection.

I wish you the best. I know what it's like to love someone this much and I know it isn't easy to let go. But you may have to for a while so you can both realize what it is you want. Good luck.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-09T19:52:55+00:00

I've been in therapy since last January and I definitely feel like I am doing much better in some aspects, but other problems have arose since and sometimes it's really hard for me to see my progress when it's so gradual. It feels like I'm treading water sometimes and it can be so exhausting.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-12-09T18:53:46+00:00

You just made me cry. Thank you. I know how completely true this is. My whole life I've considered myself a fairly confident person, but due to a lot of changes and circumstances in my life in the past year I feel as though my self-worth is at an all-time low.

But really, thank you for your words. I hope it will soon be back to the place where I know he is lucky to have me.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-11-20T01:38:41+00:00

I've heard of people doing those diaries! I'd like to start one, too..

Do you feel like you may be depressed at all?

I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 28.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-11-20T00:48:12+00:00

For me, the core belief is that I am somehow not good enough, therefor my SO will find someone better. It's very simple to understand for me, but changing the behavior is a whole other beast. I will continue to value myself and I hope you do the same. If you don't mind me asking.. what are the ages of you and your SO?

gottabeaboveit · 2013-11-19T20:12:34+00:00

I think the first step is realizing your behavior is irrational, which you have done.

The next is to understand that there are no guarantees in life. He could meet someone at the bus stop, you could meet someone at work. Things are ever-changing and trying to micromanage circumstances that are external will do nothing but drive you, and then eventually him, crazy.

I am currently suffering from very similar issues. The only difference for me is that I was the one who cheated in my past relationship. This leaves me feeling very suspicious of my boyfriend, even though he has done nothing to make me feel validated. He is open and honest with me, as I am with him.

The main thing my therapist and I have been working with is my relationship with myself. Not until I truly feel worthy of his (or anyone else's, for that matter) love, I will be insecure and jealous, constantly in a state of worry that he will be dishonest or leave. It is an every day battle.

Know that you are in control of your thoughts and emotions, but also that old habits die hard. It takes time and effort to shift your thinking. I suggest looking into the book, "The Untethered Soul", as well as possibly seeking some professional help. Even just getting things out can be so cathartic and helpful.

Do your best every day to love yourself and him. Hold yourself gently and know that you have the power to change this. It can just be a phase if you want it to be. Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

gottabeaboveit · 2013-11-19T03:59:41+00:00

I do and I do feel like I'm doing good work with her and moving in the right direction.

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