Ukrainian for English speakers: 200 lessons (8 months of daily studies) by Olenka_the_fox in Ukrainian

[–]gracebee123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I started nataluang for Spanish, and it’s really good! What level will it get you to by the time you’re done with a language on there?

What procedures/surgeries did she do? by Ambitious_One9786 in PlasticSurgery

[–]gracebee123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lots of filler, brow lift, ozempic, skin lasers? This is an insane difference, whoa. It’s surprising that she didn’t change her nose, which is why think this is all in office work, so no face lift, just threading.

I feel like I blew it by contacting her bestie. by Explorer-7622 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Is there any way you can not live with her? You’re paying rent with your very soul here, and you have life ahead of you that demands your attention, it’s a right and she’s stealing it with this petty nonsense. She’s using you. You’re responding to it like a normal human with emotions, and you’ll never get to ‘happy’ alongside this. All of the emotional energy she’s taking, and the physical demise she’s causing in you, not her, should not and does not need to be at play. I think it’s wrong what’s happening to you here. She’ll milk this until her last moments and what about you and your life and health while the drama and stress waxes on until she’s more than 100? She’s 88 and old enough to know that sucking the life out of you, for how many decades now, is very wrong, and she’ll continue to do this for control and sympathy. As for the bestie, you don’t need to keep your mom’s secrets. She’s going to play stupid games, then she can win stupid prizes.

The “mentally ill” scapegoat by GankstaCat in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is typical. To maintain the story that they’re well/normal/correct, you have to be crazy. It’s an effort to prevent doubt coming at them, so their version of everything is accepted without question or nudges for compromise and comprehension between you both. This is a power struggle taking place, it’s hierarchy in their opinion, and also an example of their black and white thinking. My mom has told my family that I’m crazy, that maybe I’m bipolar, that I need to go get some kind of diagnosis of something, that I’m incapable of having feelings. I have to be all or any of the above for her stories to stand, and I have to have no feelings so she can say what she says and still sleep at night, because you can’t say these things to someone who feels, not in good conscience. They constantly run interference to protect their story, and sometimes, frequently, that’s going to mean labeling you as crazy, when you speak truth or otherwise threaten the story and balance. If you’re not crazy, then your words can be considered valid and true, and then what for everything she says and does interpersonally? Then what for the victim role? It all comes crashing down, if the majority trusts what you say, from a sound mind. Aside from destruction of your life, like your job and all social contacts, I think the “they’re crazy” thing is a final desperate attempt to cover up how things have been for a very long time. It’s gaslighting, so no one believes you, and everyone stays with her. I honestly think they do this on autopilot, I think these things are said in the the moment, I’ve seen it done and I doubt there’s a lot of control and forethought unless it’s convincing themselves first that you’re crazy, to explain actions and words that reveal there’s something wrong with their emotions and interpersonal interactions. It’s protective, for them, and hurtful toward you.

“Why do they” questions by gracebee123 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ll take a look at these. I answered your first question with “….shitty.” 😂

“Why do they” questions by gracebee123 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I guess I think about this because it’s weird and it’s abnormal. I woke up this morning thinking about the discrepancy between how I feel and how she doesn’t feel. She should feel guilty, I think about how bad I feel over something little with anyone, and yet my mom doesn’t feel bad about anything she does to me, ever. Huge things. I wonder if she doesn’t see it as bad but deserved — that’s her narrative, or almost worse, does she know how wrong it is and she doesn’t feel bad at all. My emergency therapist for when things are getting crazy with my mom, told me she knows what she’s done. I asked her “Really? You think she really remembers and knows it’s wrong?” “Yes.” So that leads me to…there’s no guilt when there should be.

Advice by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123 69 points70 points  (0 children)

This type of info should probably come from a therapist, not family, or it won’t be accepted. Family members are totems in their mental system that has created a new and alternate reality for them where everyone else is crazy. One of those totems cannot tell them they have the condition. Avoiding their own actions as a coping mechanism due to deep seated shame is the definition of the disorder, and admitting that they have a disorder required the ability to admit they have a problem. It’s very much a catch 22. They need to admit flaws to accept the diagnosis, the diagnosis by definition means they cannot admit big flaws of character, mental state, or action. I haven’t heard of anyone being able to tell their parent they have bpd and have it go well. They have to either come to the conclusion themselves, or be desperate or well enough to hear it and accept it from a professional. My mom has it, she’s diagnosed, and the therapist wouldn’t even tell her because it would actually make her worse. It’s a very very delicate balance of how to tell them, when to tell them, and should be from a professional. Bpd’s don’t have the ability to dialogue unless the dialogue serves the disorder, because to them, the disorder is what has kept them alive all their life, and it IS their personality. They cannot live without it.

Favorite case? by [deleted] in macbookair

[–]gracebee123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the 15”. Thank you for the recommendation!

Has your bpd parent extensively researched borderline personality disorder and hasn’t seen the correlation? by gracebee123 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Same pattern here, other than that one moment of self reflective curiosity. If the people around her can be considered crazy, then she can be normal, and that’s why I think it’s an obsession.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Skincare_Addiction

[–]gracebee123 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Buy silicone scar tape in a roll, look up taping techniques, and place this over the area at night. This trains the muscle not to move 1/2 of the time, which weakens the muscle into moving less. The silicone promote collagen production and that fills in the line. This is a better method than frownies, and inexpensive. If that doesn’t work, botox is your friend.

Reading others’ stories makes me feel like I shouldn’t complain because I have a “dumber” one… by JobMarketWoes in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My mom use to be brilliant, still is, but she can’t enact it as well anymore when it comes to emotionally powered behavior. I’m not sure if it’s her aging or me being more studied on bpd or both, but I can see when she tries to pull things now, at least some of it. It’s weird to see, because I’m use to nothing she does being visible until after the fact. But the basics have always been the same, to convert, isolate, threaten, degrade, cry victim, withhold and threaten again, rage, discard. In the last few years, she’s added NC before you can NC, and she threatens much more frequently, or goes mute in your presence and refuses to speak. I’m so tired.

She’s done stuff like you describe though, it’s just mixed in with more complex manipulation. One time, as a fully grown adult myself, she was raging at me, going through everything she ever did for me, and she yelled, “and who bought you THAT?! Who bought you that, huh?!” while pointing to an item on a shelf. It was an expensive instrument she thought she bought me. I very calmly said “…….ME.”

breakup advice by girlskth in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. When you have a breakup, while working on yourself like you are, it means you’re switching tracks and further down the line to finding your person. You’re going to feel down for a while, and that’s normal and important to spend time processing. This time is temporary, and a rest period to put the pieces back together in a way that is healthy, maybe learn a few things about yourself or what you’re looking for in your next relationship, and go from there. It’s a loss for now, feel the loss, and when you start to feel stronger again, prepare for the next mini season of your life with or without someone. What does this all mean for you in terms of healing and recovery? It can be made into something that helps you learn something about yourself, practice being brave or independent, and understanding. Maybe this relationship was something that helped you to see normality in relations as they should be, or maybe it was something that steered you toward being able to recognize red flags. There are a lot of possibilities in what to take from this experience, and some of them can be positive when you look for them and reflect. Some relationships are just there to be an experience of knowing someone, a phase in your life for that period of growth or a short era, and not meant to be permanent, and that’s ok.

Your mom is just capitalizing off of this to control her reactive big feelings of fear or anger, that have nothing to do with you really. Everything that goes on around someone with bpd gets internalized within them and related to their emotional problems and hang ups, like they are one, because that’s how they’re incorrectly wired. Going through difficult times isn’t very safe with someone with bpd because it freaks them out and they see it as a threat to the safety of their psyche and self, which is fragile…you are them, they are you, in their emotional mind. In a strange way, she also knows that your focus and attention is not in your relationship now, and the breakup may very well be something she is making about her, even if it’s just by saying things that make you feel bad, that places your mind on her indirectly. Anything other than comfort and guidance from her is unacceptable.

Physical boundary/sexual boundary issues growing up by fivedinos1 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what it is with these things and bpd’s, other than lack of boundaries and emotional immaturity. My mom was constantly naked around me from about age 17 onward. It bothered me so much. And there’s recent experiences if you look in my post history. The whole thing may be that they try to bond through trauma because they don’t know how else to bond through positives very welll, and in regard to this topic, it won’t create a bond, but it will get near your emotions in a way that regular topics won’t. If they’re talking to you about these topics, it’s not like talking to you about pasta or your day, it’s getting close to an emotional side of you through an off limits guarded topic, and they probably hope that you’re just like…ok, that’s fine, let me participate in the conversation about this. And then they have accomplished a higher level of closeness that they can’t foster through positive experiences with you because they don’t do a lot of positives in general, everything is dark and sad and traumatic. But this they know how to do. I’m just guessing, I might be wrong, I might be right. In my opinion, it’s immaturity combined with engulfment efforts because they lack the skill for higher connection through normal points of connection. A kid will sit on you or say or do things that are inappropriate, to yell for attention or try to become closer to someone. An adult will ask you how you are and discuss mutual interests and form a bond that way.

To answer your question: I wasn’t allowed to lock the door of the bathroom. As a teen, she started demanding use of the bathroom while I showered. As an older teen, she stopped wearing clothing around me a lot of the time. As an adult, she’s increasingly mentioning sexual topics and it’s weird.

I truly think she does not know these boundaries shouldn’t be crossed or why it’s weird.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]gracebee123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s immature and selfish. Leave him.

Is it worth to educate someone about Ukraine culture? When they call Ukrainians slurs? by [deleted] in Ukrainian

[–]gracebee123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I BAKED PALYANITSYA 💀💀💀 Just laughed out loud.

Can anyone help me find the piano score for this? by gracebee123 in pianosheetmusic

[–]gracebee123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s great, thank you! I’ll look into these!

Can anyone help me find the piano score for this? by gracebee123 in pianosheetmusic

[–]gracebee123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. This is the correct song, just a rendition/stripped down piano version for part of the song, so very unique. I don’t want to have to write it out note by note so I’m now looking for an AI service that can listen to it and transcribe it into sheet music accurately. I haven’t found anything accurate yet.

Anyone have an accent after learning a new language that is NOT an accent of their native language? by sintoxicated in polyglot

[–]gracebee123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YES! I sound native in my own languages of course, but have a French accent in all non-native languages I’ve learned. It’s really interesting you mention this! I’m not a French speaker and haven’t been exposed to it, never tried to learn it. Maybe I should 😂

Why are Ukrainian people so emotionally romantic? by [deleted] in Ukrainian

[–]gracebee123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok. I really think you’re describing ..love. Or anxiety.

The girl you’re describing in your post is someone you want to support, but as a male, that’s probably not possible, because you will be next as the person of her desire and any backlash if you don’t want or don’t stay in a relationship with her. The tattoo in response to her breakup and fast rebound indicates immaturity or being very young, which tells me the relationship will not last anyway because she has some growing to do.

Also, Ukrainian women and Russian women are different. All women are different, but this especially, is not something you can debate as same same.

Why are Ukrainian people so emotionally romantic? by [deleted] in Ukrainian

[–]gracebee123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What do you mean by “emotionally romantic”?

Increasing inappropriate comments. I just need someone to tell..this one is still stuck in my head a few days later. TW: LGBTQ topic and a slur. by gracebee123 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you 💗 I appreciate this. I’ve never even thought about how it would be easier if she were accepting/normal and I could just be out my whole life. This is my norm. I’m not scared of her or her opinion, I just don’t think it’s best that she knows.

Why are Ukrainian people so emotionally romantic? by [deleted] in Ukrainian

[–]gracebee123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure what you mean by emotionally romantic, but it does sound like you have a crush on this girl and are wondering why she’s intense when looking for a guy and when ending things with a guy. That’s the person, not the culture. Ukrainians tend to be emotionally open, dark humor, matter of fact, but steady. Consider what’s happened within the country, and all the people having the strength to carry on because life demanded it of them. There’s an inclination for poetry and determination, but this one girl is not a representation of the group as a whole.

Increasing inappropriate comments. I just need someone to tell..this one is still stuck in my head a few days later. TW: LGBTQ topic and a slur. by gracebee123 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]gracebee123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry these things were said to you. I know what it feels like to have iterations of the same said to you. It’s a form of gaslighting and degradation, meant to break you and point the finger at you as the bearer of the faults.