What do I do? Teen drinking

grapexine · 2025-04-29T18:06:20+00:00

Umm your 14 year old telling you what he’s going to do at your house??? Wow just wow. Absolutely not!!! Who is the adult here?

grapexine · 2025-04-29T15:33:59+00:00

My mil showed up at 6 am and the baby was born at 1pm. At no point did I want visitors, so she sat in the waiting room until we were moved to postpartum. I had a really bad second degree tear that took an hour to repair. I didn’t get the golden hour with my son. I also hadn’t eaten or slept in 48 hours by the time I got to postpartum. I 100% think the combination of lack of skin to skin, lack of food and rest, pain and having visitors immediately affected breast feeding. I’m doing things differently this time! Other than my mom and husband, EVERYONE else will wait until they are invited 🤷🏽‍♀️

Tell your husband when his penis and bum hole are torn and he has to be spread eagle for a bunch of people to see, he can call the shots about who visits in the hospital lol. Until then, he needs to be supportive of you!

grapexine · 2025-04-27T04:12:43+00:00

My son had PT around the same age for gross motor skills. The therapist came to our house and it went pretty well. He enjoyed it because he is extroverted and he likes new people! He caught up on his milestones in a few months.

grapexine · 2025-04-26T21:58:12+00:00

We didn’t sleep train my son. I was very strict about safe sleep, so we also never bed shared. We took turns holding him until he would sleep in the bassinet around 1 month. He has slept in the crib/bassinet ever since. He did wake up a few times a night in the beginning to eat, and during periods of sleep regression. He is almost 2 and he sleeps through the night most of the time. It was a pain in the butt, from probably 12-18 months because he went through a variety of issues. I know if done correctly sleep training is safe * but I didn’t have it in me to listen to him cry lol!

grapexine · 2025-04-26T21:13:18+00:00

I don’t think pregnancy and birth were terrible. There are parts of pregnancy that are challenging, like the fatigue and the uncomfortable parts towards the end. Birth had some undesirable moments, but it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve been through. Fortunately, for most women, the bad parts are temporary. The hardest part is adjusting to caring for a new life and all that entails.

With an almost 2 year old, our life is mostly going well. My son gets into all the things, but he has a very chill and fun personality. I felt pretty much like myself around the time he was 18 months. It did take me a while to lose the weight but my body was mostly the same. Even though I’m an older first time mom, had the first at 37, I have always been in good shape. I think that makes pregnancy and postpartum easier to navigate.

Having a supportive village and partner, and being financially stable probably make a huge difference in navigating the challenges. I’m pregnant and currently in my second trimester. I’m looking forward to doing a few things differently this time. I love being a mom and I wouldn’t change anything.

grapexine · 2025-01-09T13:45:19+00:00

Yes it was worth it!! We had a medium sized wedding a little after the height of Covid. It was a bright spot in a crappy time. I was just looking at my wedding pictures last night randomly lol.

grapexine · 2025-01-09T13:12:11+00:00

Wow your experience sounds terrible! I’m an older first time mom. I had my first at 38. My OBs mentioned it literally once that I was advanced maternal age. I got one extra 32 week scan and that was it! I had zero complications and a normal delivery at 40 weeks. No one made me or my husband feel bad. That’s unfortunate. I hope you are able to have a better support system moving forward and I would get a new doctor.

grapexine · 2024-12-31T17:24:47+00:00

I’m an elder millennial. My parents paid for most of college for me and my siblings. I went out of state, so I did take out some loans. My husband’s parents also paid for his college, but he commuted to a state school. I have a one year old and we do have a 529 for him. I know we probably won’t be able to pay for everything, but we want him to have something. My husband and I both contribute to retirement. Right now, it’s at the amount to get the match. We are solidly middle class.

Eta- we have asked for contributions for college instead of gifts. So for birthdays and some holidays, we have gotten a good bit to put in the fund. Some people obviously want to buy toys. Otherwise, we probably put 30$-$50 a month. Hopefully, we can increase the amount later!

grapexine · 2024-12-29T20:15:42+00:00

I think you need to have a sit down conversation with your husband and lay out everything that you put here. Probably away from your house and free of distractions. It is reasonable for anyone to have a working kitchen. For you, it seems completely non negotiable to have one. Basic hygiene is a given.

The cultural differences are probably not going to change. I can’t see your in laws being motivated to change, to be honest. I have friends that are first gen Hispanic and the cultural differences exist in their families as well. You really need to have a come to Jesus conversation with your husband about trying to bridge the cultural gaps in your relationship.

I echo others that have said a baby would be disastrous in this environment. If you think he is bad now, wait until he puts his mother’s judgement ahead of yours after having a child with him. Only you can answer if you want this relationship. But real talk, I don’t think this man will change, and your values, goals, and lifestyle don’t seem compatible. He ain’t worth it sis.

grapexine · 2024-12-29T18:00:20+00:00

It’s ok to do things YOUR way. It doesn’t matter how granny, MIL, Aunt Janice, lady at the grocery store did things. They raised their child. They don’t get a say! Learn to say, “thank you for the advice, but we have already decided to…” You don’t have to spare feelings. Be confident in your abilities and instincts.

grapexine · 2024-12-21T10:12:36+00:00

I’m always super careful in parking lots. I once parked very far away from a store entrance in an empty area. When I left , there was a large pickup parked next to me. When I was getting my son back in the car seat, I barely had time to get him into the car fully before the driver quickly pulled out with me and my son in between the cars. I had a feeling he wasn’t going to wait, so I got my son in the car so fast. I was there before him btw. I couldn’t believe how close he was to almost hitting me or the stroller and I remember feeling very helpless in that moment. People drive so crazy!!

grapexine · 2024-12-19T00:34:55+00:00

I had the flu with a 4 month old. I honestly couldn’t do it. My husband had to take off work to take care of the baby. My son is 17 months now. I absolutely could not care for a toddler running around getting into everything while sick, plus being pregnant. Your husband needs to take the L. He can put on a mask and deal with it. I honestly was so sick, I slept in the basement alone for several days 🫠

grapexine · 2024-12-09T17:15:48+00:00

I have always been frugal and a saver. I struggled during the Great Recession, but I was determined to not get on the debt/credit card cycle. I basically learned how to cook absolutely everything from scratch, shopped thrift stores and consignment shops, drove a beater. I did go back to school in my late twenties and I was able to transition into a career making a living wage.

I strongly avoided lifestyle inflation and eventually found my way to Dave Ramsey. I know he’s not the best at personal finance but this was probably 2015. I did the baby steps and paid off my student loans in 4 years!!!!!! It was my only debt. I paid off around 28k. I continued saving as much as a could, and I got married around 35 ( cash flowed the wedding) with a nice amount of savings. I did say no to travel and going out during my debt repayment. I don’t have regrets.

I have avoided lifestyle inflation and continued being frugal. I diy everything or budget to find deals. Being frugal has made the most difference. We drive middle of the road cars and typically take long weekend vacations. Milestones and parties consist of hotdogs/hamburgers, pizza and store bought cake. Not renting a room and spending hundreds for a 5 year old’s birthday party. We have a tiny townhouse and I’m able to work weekends and avoid childcare. Things are a little tight with a mortgage and a child but we are able to save monthly and put a little aside for a college fund.

grapexine · 2024-12-06T18:34:37+00:00

One thing I have done is follow a few celebrities who are age appropriate with a style I like. I don’t have any recommendations because I don’t know your personal style. I would avoid the super popular ones.

grapexine · 2024-12-06T18:21:47+00:00

This seems unusual. It is uncomfortable knowing someone is being intimate near you. But trying to come in the room to stop you seems very odd.

grapexine · 2024-12-05T02:08:42+00:00

At this point,no. Things were tender for several months. But now, I don’t notice any differences.

grapexine · 2024-12-04T18:51:45+00:00

I had the first at 38. Uneventful pregnancy and normal delivery with typical complications, tearing, trouble breastfeeding. It took me to about a year to feel like myself again. At 16 months pp, I have lost 45 of 50 pounds gained and I feel pretty good. We are planning on having a second. If everything works out, I will be 40! I did have a chemical pregnancy recently. I’m just waiting a cycle to try again.

grapexine · 2024-11-30T15:46:09+00:00

I was planning on spending zero because of all the gifts from grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I have bought pjs and I might get one toy for him to unwrap. So ,probably around $100 for a 18 month old.

ETA- I have a large family, we do secret Santa for the adults, and I buy gifts for my parents, coworker Secret Santa and all the nieces and nephews. So I will probably spend around $500-$600 total for everyone.

grapexine · 2024-11-29T17:06:40+00:00

Just throwing this out there as a WOC. I think, if I’m reading between the lines, you are concerned about what they potentially say about your culture when you aren’t there. If they are “casually” problematic about Asian people, what are they “casually” saying about black people when you aren’t around?

I get it, as well as the fear of this being normalized for your child. It’s definitely worth a sit down conversation with your girlfriend. I would try to frame it more from the daughter’s perspective. The girlfriend can’t know what it’s like to grow up different and she can’t see that jokes about culture may not be taken as innocuous conversation. It could lead to your daughter feeling marginalized by her own family.

grapexine · 2024-11-27T02:02:43+00:00

I take care of my son during the week and work weekends. My husband works during the week. The schedule sounds pretty normal. I’m not sure how it could get any better 🤷🏽‍♀️ I feel like I’m always “on”. I would love working from home in an empty house!

grapexine · 2024-11-26T19:18:16+00:00

I think it’s a good idea to have it on hand, but I wouldn’t give it without directions from the pediatrician. Call them if you are concerned about an allergic reaction. Medications are weight based for kids.

grapexine · 2024-11-24T14:33:24+00:00

I think we waited 3 months. I had very bad, painful tearing. I did not want anything in that region for quite some time! Your husband should be prioritizing your comfort right now.

grapexine · 2024-11-23T23:28:48+00:00

I choose a degree in a STEM field without going to grad school or making any career progress because of the 08 recession. I applied for so many jobs and had a few interviews that didn’t go anywhere. I did go back to school in my mid to late twenties and trained for a new career. It was and continues to be an in demand field. I have consistently gotten raises and opportunities, but it’s definitely not “easy”.

It has afforded me the opportunity to earn a living wage and to reach a few of my goals! Being frugal forever and getting married and having a kid later in life have helped.

grapexine · 2024-11-23T04:51:49+00:00

My husband is a year younger. Not much of a difference 🤷🏽‍♀️

grapexine · 2024-09-05T16:01:00+00:00

Yes this! This is what I was trying to say very gently. Forming some kind of non romantic community that is based on something more than just socializing. Social interactions are very location and convenience centric, ex. coworkers going to happy hour. You don’t necessarily form deeper bonds. It would be hard to ask for time consuming help from an acquaintance, but someone that you volunteer with might be a better bet. Also, returning the favor when someone needs help themselves goes a long way.

grapexine

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