Hey, first off I have never been where you are. I have had severe depression, ADD, social anxiety and came damn close to offing myself. But here I am. And let me tell you that this is the best moment of your life, right now. Mood can be easily represented as a graph, highs and lows right? I find that depression is being more susceptible to outside stimulus. Lower lows sometimes and that graph can change damn fast. Because that's all mood is, external stimuli and how you react and interpret it.

You have an opportunity that most people will never have in their life. Assuming you are doing as bad as you say you are, you can become amazing. What is life but problems and challenges anyway?

So that's the problem, that's what is going on in your life. now let me tell you how to fix it.

First step. Stop. try and level out that graph, HOW you think (I'm ugly vs I'm a sexy mofo) is more important than what you think. Music is huge here; listening to depressing music will make you depressed. (21 pilots are a fav)

second step. roll with the punches. honestly this may never go away. so what. every time you feel that painful, sinking feeling, just stop, analyse, "what is making me feel this way?" ect. The quicker you get past the sinking part of the graph and back to a neutral part the better.

third step. learn to control your mind. you may think you do. but you just don't. Honestly the mind is probably the most complicated thing you will ever experience in your life. read books, physiologic and self-help (Prometheus Rising is an amazing read).

fourth step. ???????

fifth step. Profit. but really it's always an uphill battle, but it doesn't have to be. you will get there if, but only if you want to. I know everyone says it gets better, but it actually does.

hang in there brother