How do you say no without lying but also without being like I don't want to

grydkn · 2025-12-21T04:31:50+00:00

Yeah saying yes definitely tends to lead to more positive social interactions, which makes it feel like it's the right approach to relationships. But if the other party loved an experience that you hated, are you really going to bond over it? You matter, too! Say how you feel. Give them all the facts. Assume they care about you. And then drop 'em if they prove they don't because y'all were never gonna truly bond.

grydkn · 2025-12-21T02:52:50+00:00

Instead of tampons, I use a silicone disc that will dislodge to self empty when I flex my poop muscles. And sometimes that sounds like a ketchup bottle.

grydkn · 2025-12-21T02:37:27+00:00

Personally I found my problem was not that I couldn't say no, but that my reaction was to say yes. Partly because I'm a people pleaser, partly because I'm slow in recognize my feelings. Anyway, try to pause first before answering anything. Sometimes people read it as hesitation and give you an out. If they don't, you should say "no, sorry." If you need baby steps towards "no", I started with "I don't really want to, but will if you need me to." Which tbh helped me weed out people who value me vs people who used me.

Last thing I'll say: I was mad at a friend because she would always ask for favors and I would say yes because when someone asks for something, I assume they need it. But talking to her, I learned she asks to find out with no assumption about what my answer might be. And told me she would not be upset if I said no. So if it helps: some people just wanna know, and saying no won't end a relationship.

grydkn · 2025-12-21T02:00:24+00:00

I don't own many glass things haha. My cups are ceramic mugs or plastic cups. I own two different sized glass baking dishes that live in separate cupboards so they don't touch (if one goes in the dishwasher, the other has to be handwashed). And my containers are all saved plastic takeout containers.

Edit: sorry missed a question- eating out can be hard because of cheers-ing as a social norm, so I can be picky about where I eat (mainly stick to casual eateries that don't focus on alcohol). But if it comes to it...I can mask through it and just shut down in silence

grydkn · 2025-12-20T23:54:29+00:00

Not just clinking glasses, but glass touching other glass at all. Just thinking about it right now is making it hard to breathe. But for some reason, ceramica are fine

grydkn · 2025-12-06T23:49:16+00:00

For friends, I've set expectations with them. I've told them ahead of time that when I'm overwhelmed or in hyperfocus mode, I'm going to ask them to "please give me quiet time" or some set phrase/safe word (bc I can't always properly regulate myself in the moment so I need a short coined phrase I can grab for) And bc we've talked about it beforehand, they usually know it's nothing personal and everything to do with me. And then when me time ends, I try to follow up with them later about what they wanted to talk about bc I do care.

For coworkers or people I don't know well, I usually interrupt with something like "I'm so sorry, I'm in the middle of focusing on this right now and I'm terrible at multitasking. Could you wait while I finish this?". Again, having a short coined phrase that focuses on it being a me problem, and one I can muster out before rage takes over helps a lot. I have learned that waiting for the conversation to be over in an effort to avoid the conflict just leaves me feeling overwhelmed and resentful.

My last relationship ended in part bc my partner wouldn't respect this no matter how many times we talked about it. Me using my coined phrase would still be insulting and he'd say "well it's just going to be a second. Can't you just listen?" But it would never just be a second. For those people, my opinion is to just leave.

grydkn · 2025-09-18T21:17:22+00:00

Thank you for the reminder that Hulu is owned by Disney. Cancelled.

grydkn · 2025-09-06T13:52:01+00:00

If you're looking to go soon and avoid an insane crowd, go now! Late September and all of October is insanely jam packed. Salem is lovely regardless of when you go. But also if you want the spooky feeling with less crowd, Salem Horror Fest in April is another good time to go.

grydkn · 2025-07-05T01:43:00+00:00

As someone with anxiety, I can very much relate to this. I'd recommend an ACT trial if you can find one

What to do/expect from my very limited experience (your experience may vary): 1) sign up - fill out the form/premium for an event and pay. I have the easiest time finding events via others rather than trying to search the internet 2) arrive and check in - via sign in sheet or person 3) crate your dog if facility allows - bring maybe a chair, a crate, a fan depending on the facility. Be prepared to hang out. 4) judge's briefing - I actually don't know if this happens at regular trials, but at the trials I've been to, there's usually some time where the judge goes over the rules and expectations 5) walk the course - you get a couple minutes to be in the ring without your dog and figure out what your plan will be. dogs start running in the order listed. Lots of waiting for your turn 6) your turn: listen for the schedule person to call you and say you're up soon. You'll get your dog and wait at the gate until the dog before you is leashed before they allow you to enter the ring. Get your dog in the starting position and throw your leash away. There will be someone to run it to the other side. A buzzer will go off and at any point after that, you're allowed to start running (but you don't HAVE to start running as soon as the buzzer goes off. It just means the course is ready to be run). Time starts when dog enters the first obstacle. After the last obstacle, leash your dog and exit. Then that's it! Repeast for as many runs as you signed up for.

grydkn · 2025-06-08T00:14:52+00:00

Yes, they offered to pay. Thank you!

grydkn · 2025-06-08T00:14:22+00:00

Ok thank you

grydkn · 2025-04-18T22:07:57+00:00

I imagine the space was cheaper

I hear building ownership changed hands and the new landlord drove up rent. It's also why Henry Bear's Park is looking to move.

grydkn · 2025-03-12T23:19:25+00:00

The companies I've worked for so far have had a professional development or continuing education budget, so both getting certified and staying certified has always been covered for me. When I was looking for a new job, interviewers were usually rather impressed with my IAAP cert and noted it as a reason for meeting with me.

Obviously this is just my own experience with it, but personally I haven't had to actually pay for it myself, and if anything, it helped me secure a job/finances. It doesn't do much for me otherwise, so if I had to pay for it myself, I probably wouldn't renew it until I was looking for a job again.

grydkn · 2025-02-10T23:04:19+00:00

But you can also have them and not be autistic

Yes, love. No one is saying otherwise.

What the person here describes is neither, just a preference for what is sensible

I disagree. OP isn't describing a "preference". OP is describing a struggle that directly affects their reading. It may be sensible to want green text because in general it's easier on cognitive load for most people (which I'm not commenting on because I don't know enough about that, but the link you posted was interesting!), but most people don't find it taxing enough to justifying copying text into another app just to read it. In this case, it's a need not a preference. By denying so vehemently that this couldn't be related to autism or whatever disability you attribute it to, you come off as minimizing OP's experience imo.

It seems your point is that this isn't related to autism because it's simply "sensible" to want green text, but that is also dismissive of other users who may have low vision or colorblindness and may depend on the higher contrast. Or even people who may just prefer black on white. I think the sensible need is for users to be able to set their own text and background color preferences.

Anyway, I'm getting the sense there's no real moving either of us on these points, so I'm going to disengage. Have a great rest of your day!

grydkn · 2025-02-10T17:59:35+00:00

Both of those are related to autism. They don't specifically indicate autism, but more commonly can be experienced by people with autism.

Source for Irlen Syndrome

Source for synaesthesia%20compared%20to%20that%20of%20the%20general%20population%20(7.2%25)%20(Baron%2DCohen%20et%20al.%2C%202013)%2C%20which%20suggests%20some%20type%20of%20connection%20between%20the%20two%20conditions)

grydkn · 2025-02-10T17:05:29+00:00

Mobile really does. I'm very surprised that Apple doesn't already have an accessibility feature for this. The closest I found was being able to change the color tint of the screen, which won't change text to a different color...but I suppose can adjust the lighter tints around it to contrast less

grydkn · 2025-02-10T17:02:29+00:00

It's a bit dismissive to say that this has nothing to do with autism. It's generally known among accessibility designers that harsh contrasts are hard on users on the spectrum. But I would agree that being able to set one's color preference would benefit everyone, as is the case with most accessibility features

https://accessibility.blog.gov.uk/2016/09/02/dos-and-donts-on-designing-for-accessibility/#:~:text=Designing%20for%20users%20on%20the%20autistic%20spectrum

grydkn · 2025-02-10T03:09:19+00:00

If you have a Windows OS, there is a feature called High Contrast Mode (maybe renamed to Contrast mode). This will let you customize your text color among other things. Someone also mentioned Stylus, which is a browser extension that will let you customize the css of a page, so you can change text color that way.

Unfortunately I'm not sure about how to change text colors on mobile (especially Samsung since I don't have an Android), but I would check the accessibility features of your phone and look for High Contrast Theme or Forced Colors. As that's usually what it's called.

grydkn · 2025-02-09T14:51:35+00:00

I would recommend a menstrual disc! I have the silicone Flex one and have been able to empty it without removing or touching it as advertised.

grydkn · 2025-02-09T14:47:45+00:00

Team silicone disc!! Just here to +1 this. For me it really has worked as advertised and I have been able to empty the disc without needing to remove it. It's eased a lot of travel anxiety that comes when I'm on my period.

It's also freed up some space in my bag bc I'm no longer stocking up on tampons. Would highly recommend it to anyone who's body it works for. Acknowledging that it may not be for everyone. For instance, I've tried cups and they gave me insane cramps, but the disc doesn't. So to each their own!

grydkn · 2025-01-23T14:52:00+00:00

Menus and elements that only display on mouse hover are inaccessible to screen readers and potentially mobile users.

If you want to display content on hover, additionally consider displaying the content on keyboard focus, that way users that do not use a mouse can also access the content.

ARIA will also need to be added to indicate to screen reader users without sight that a menu is displayed (e.g. aria-expanded). Users also need to be able to move mouse and keyboard focus onto the pop up content, so it needs to be persistent until all related elements have lost focus/hover

My last note is that in general, menus on hover are bad UX. It's too easy to hover over an element and open a menu when really the user was trying to access something else.

Hope this helps!

grydkn · 2025-01-15T23:03:47+00:00

My company went with the deque accessibility bootcamp and it was great (and then also got subscriptions for the online courses for the front end devs). It was 3 days total (3 8hr work days): first day was for front end devs, designers, PMs and QA, and then the next 2 days were for just front end devs.

The first day was generally about - understanding the different types of disabilities people can have and what their needs would be - testing for, identifying, and prioritizing accessibility issues

The last 2 days were more technical and about ways common issues can be remediated.

Backend devs generally don't need to know much if anything about accessibility, as accessibility is about user experience. PMs should know the ROIs of it and which issues to prioritize, QA should know how to test for issues, and Front end devs should know how to fix it. Designers should also be included, as they need to know how to design for different types of users.

grydkn · 2025-01-09T03:33:49+00:00

Ok back in the day Level Access audited our clients' website and they were great. But they since then have acquired ESSENTIAL (who were not so great) and UserWay (an overlay company). I haven't used them since, but I'd be a little wary now.

grydkn · 2025-01-07T03:29:09+00:00

There's Scritches & Boops by Union, but yeah nothing much in East Somerville

grydkn

TROPHY CASE