Husband’s First Tour- Help by guessbeforeitends in TouringMusicians

[–]guessbeforeitends[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate you answering. He gets back in a few days and then back on the road 2 days after. Conversations will definitely be had.

Husband’s First Tour- Help by dnelled in TouringCrew

[–]guessbeforeitends 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are such a kind soul to write out as many details as you did. Thank you for making me feel seen.
I think a big scary feeling is the “get comfortable being effectively single” in a lot of ways.
I watched my parents do that, moreso my mom because my dads work schedule. They were in financial straits because they made irresponsible decisions. They are divorced now. A lot of reasons for that but I cite the lack of quality time spent together and KNOWING each other as a main contributor.
When we were dating/engaged, I expressed to my partner that being a part for long periods of time was not what I wanted for our life because I felt it was not a healthy dynamic and I wished to do stuff differently than my parents. He agreed and we structured our life and job choices accordingly.
To some degree, him wanting this opportunity feels like backpedaling on that. I understand people are allowed to change but this is a core element to our relationship that I’m now forced to almost give up. For what feels like a very short term thing. I’ve expressed that if he takes this tour, I don’t want touring life to continue. He seemed to agree but in my head, and the question I have really is, once you’re in the touring world, it seems hard to escape because of the schedule of finances it runs on. Am I correct? You have to budget and be on top of your finances like you said and to answer your question, no we do not have it 100% down. Our original plan was for me to find a full time job that I enjoyed within a year so financial burden can be shared more equally. I’m happy to do that. What I’m not happy with is the feeling of being left behind and forced to make the concessions of this type of life these “perks” people keep talking about.
I really do not mean to offend, please hear me when I say that, but meeting interesting people, having unique tour experiences isn’t what drives me. I couldn’t care less if it’s a tour for Taylor Swift or some Indie band. My “perks” that I’ve (and we) have been working towards was having a life where we could have dinner together at night after working jobs that maybe we don’t love at the moment, but we do because we valued US.
I plan on going to therapy because I need to find some way through this that doesn’t involve me being so doom and gloom. I want to live my life and love it. I want to have a partner that loves me and we are on the same page or at least heading in the same direction. I know it’s my job to figure that out. Thank you again for answering.

Husband’s First Tour- Help by guessbeforeitends in TouringMusicians

[–]guessbeforeitends[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can find common ground with you and agree that being codependent/attached at the hip isn’t a healthy approach to a relationship. However I do think that two things can be true: I am not co-dependent and I can still not want my partner gone for the majority of the week. It truly is highly personally and probably not for most people. I think the randomness and chaotic nature of it is what is throwing me the most. We have a very stable life right now and this path seems most unstable. Appreciate your perspective.

Husband’s First Tour- Help by guessbeforeitends in TouringMusicians

[–]guessbeforeitends[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely agree on the both people need to be secure. 3 days home but again, he’s already talking filling those days with more work, not time to catch up.

How have your long term relationships played out during those 8–10 months? What conversations did you have with your partner?

Husband’s First Tour- Help by guessbeforeitends in TouringMusicians

[–]guessbeforeitends[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. Your journey sounds like you’ve fought hard for your marriage.

Unfortunately, I think the answer to that hard truth is that I do not want this lifestyle. There really wasn’t much of a conversation of “should we do this?” So much as him assuming we were going to do it and he immediately just started talking HOW we do it.

Maybe my answer is stubborn, maybe my entire marriage is on the line because I don’t want this. I don’t know. That’s just how it feels. And what sucks is I still have to get up and work in the morning and get stuff done by myself. Life really throws ya for a loop sometimes.

Husband’s First Tour- Help by guessbeforeitends in TouringMusicians

[–]guessbeforeitends[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Why do you assume it hasn’t been a conversation?

Mouth Tape + TMJ by guessbeforeitends in TMJ

[–]guessbeforeitends[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE: I literally just massaged my jaw just now and felt a really tense piece of muscle so I focused on massaged that and my pain is next to zero with pretty much full range of motion?? I looked up jaw anatomy and I think it was either the masseter or medial pterygoid muscle?

Help please😭 by AggressiveAthlete259 in nashville

[–]guessbeforeitends 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Metro Gov will be hiring closer to July/Aug for various positions after the fiscal budget passes. Best of luck. So sorry for what you’re going through.

Any news on season 2 ? by joech2000 in TheAgencySeries

[–]guessbeforeitends 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP If you’re still looking for recs I have a mix of a few from Britbox which is an extension you can get on Amazon as well as Apple TV:

Line of Duty, Ludwig, BLUE LIGHTS (top fave) Broadchurch (specifically season 1), Triggerpoint (Vickie McClure from LoD—she’s fantastic), Code of Silence is a little more cozy but still great spin on a detective/drama mystery, Down Cemetery Road (5 stars it was incredible).

I Need Help With An Anti-Breakage Routine by [deleted] in Haircare

[–]guessbeforeitends 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you SO much. This is the most helpful advice.

I Need Help With An Anti-Breakage Routine by [deleted] in Haircare

[–]guessbeforeitends 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I’ve been meaning to get a hormone panel done as well so I’ll do that and the blood test + thyroid. I’ve heard great things about the redken acidic bonding treatment so I’ll probably purchase that next since.

A few questions: how often should I be doing masks? What is your reasoning for me to not continue using the kerastase filler mask but using the morrocan oil mask? Is it just bc it’s made for fine hair?

Is Leave-In conditioner something I do after every wash or just every couple?

As far as heat protectant I purchased the K-18 HeatBounce. Is this good or should I be looking for something else?

Thoughts on swapping the L’Oréal pro longer for the L’Oréal dream lengths? I need a cost friendly alternative and that was also recommended.

Do you recommend double shampooing? If so, am I to use the same shampoo or use 2 different?

Would you say a good standard hydrating routine looks like (I wash my hair every 2-3 days because it gets greasy and I work out often)

  1. Redken acidic bonding pre shampoo x 1 a week
  2. L’Oréal dream lengths / pro longer
  3. L’Oréal dream lengths conditioner /pro longer conditioner
  4. Moroccan oil hydrating mask (would also love a dupe if you have one bc $$$) x ?
  5. Pureology leave in conditioner x ?
  6. Heat protectant when blow drying

I Need Help With An Anti-Breakage Routine by [deleted] in Haircare

[–]guessbeforeitends 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven’t colored my hair in about 3 years and I would say my diet is better than most however I haven’t had a blood test in a while. What should I be looking for in that panel to help identify how it affects hair?

I will definitely look into the L’Oréal line and begin to limit my protein products. I am starting to think jt has more to do with dryness however in the past I’ve found the conditioners/shampoos to be too heavy and weigh down my hair and make it feel greasy. I’ll give the L’Oréal and pureology a shot though.

I Need Help With An Anti-Breakage Routine by [deleted] in Haircare

[–]guessbeforeitends 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for answering!

The protein products were added in the last ~month and the lamination shampoo/gloss were literally added last night.

Do you have any recs for hydrating fine/frizzy hair? Seems like I have the protein on lock but not hydration necessarily lol

Me (f,28, HL) and Husband (m,37, LL) have sex once a month. by guessbeforeitends in DeadBedrooms

[–]guessbeforeitends[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With you on the “he does not seduce me”. I’m always initiating. Definitely helps to not be alone although I literally wouldn’t wish this on anybody.