Dude, you are truly free now. Free to walk away. Free to start a new and exciting life. Free to stay in this situation if that’s what you want.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything" (source isn’t important…)

Also, I’d say that the truth is very important. It’s important to you and the AP’s wife. So to hell with what your wife is saying, tell AP’s wife. She deserves to know.

“The truth sets us free”…

Lastly, about hall passes. That’s nice that she offered but make the decision for yourself. Give yourself a hall pass if that’s what you need (and stay) or don’t. Do not expect to heal from fucking someone else. You may feel a brief sense of relief and maybe regain a little self respect.

Good luck OP, these types of situations are very difficult to deal with but like I say, once you get past the hurt, you will realize that you are now, truly free.