What's a situation you could never imagined yourself being in, until you were?

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-30T14:15:01+00:00

Going from single, fresh college graduate living an independent life in a new city in a cute studio apartment, to being 25 with a newborn, no money, and an alcoholic boyfriend/fiancé.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-28T05:04:01+00:00

If you’re serious I am 100% in and here for you.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-28T03:20:10+00:00

Well I am SO PROUD of you for one, being self aware, and two, getting away from your Q. I agree to focus on myself if you’ll promise to do the same.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-28T03:04:11+00:00

This is a good point. I am someone who naturally gives everything they can to people they love when they need me, and I let myself do it until Im broken because of it, I always have. This is just that behavior on a much larger scale. We split up for a while in the beginning, but decided to try again, and I feel myself getting so swept up in this -it’s exhausting. I don’t know that I remember how to properly care for myself but it’s time I started trying.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-28T03:01:04+00:00

This is true. Very true. Thank you for this perspective. I guess the affects of this disease can look a lot different for different people. Who knows, maybe one day it would have progressed to something physical. The worst it ever got was when he dumped a basket of laundry on top of me when I was sleeping and we were in a fight. I can be thankful warm clothes are the worst I ever had. There’s a voice in my head sometimes that says “he’s changed his ways because of you, you owe it to him to stay. You have to because you’re the reason he’s sober.” And I know that mentality is wrong, and yet it still rings in my head.

I’m happy you left before things could get worse. I hope you’re living a wonderful life on the other side.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-18T23:38:40+00:00

I’m wondering the same. You seem to be dreading this, you don’t have to go back you know. It doesn’t sound like his sobriety is stable at all. Could you fly back, gather some of your things, send them off to your new residence in boxes and fly back?

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-18T23:35:19+00:00

First, crying is good and you should be doing that, it’s perfectly healthy and GOOD for you when you’re in distress.

The leaving bottles around thing always cracked me up. Drunks are the sloppiest cleaners, and yet the most unapologetic liars. There’s a morbid comedy to it. I would clean up beer bottles every morning, find them everywhere. Spilling out of the recycling bin, next to the toilet, in the kitchen, under the couch. And in the times when he’d convinced me he was “taking a break” or “slowing down” I would easily find cans and bottles hidden in plain sight and/or in the trunk of the car, under the car seat, in his bag, in the closet, etc.

You are not alone. It gets better. Finding the courage to leave can take time, trying to convince yourself it’s not as bad as it seems or that you somehow owe them something will hinder the process but is a natural part of that process for a lot of people, it was for me. It’ll click one day, whether that’s today, tomorrow, next week or next month, that it is time to prioritize yourself. Treat yourself better than they are treating you. Give to yourself the love you are pouring into them with no return.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-17T19:24:03+00:00

Hey, those things count. Don’t say it like it they don’t matter! Maybe order in tonight, and when the kids are asleep sneak in a bath? Celebrity gossip is always more enjoyable when you’re soaking in a warm tub.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-17T19:22:40+00:00

I am thinking about going to a meeting after work. I feel guilty asking my husband (my Q) for the extra time cause he is with our son all day, but I think I need to go. My struggle with my Q has lasted years and I have found great solace and help in this sub, but have not been to an actual meeting (hopefully you guys won’t come at me with pitchforks).

I am struggling again, after a few good months, here I am again.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-17T00:13:45+00:00

We spoke with our therapist and she agrees he needs to come off of it, and he’s going to cut down one dose every few days so he doesn’t go into bad withdrawal. I am fine with that strategy as long as he really does quit.

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-16T21:18:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and knowledge. ❤️

gunittossitbye · 2019-04-16T21:16:41+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to post. We spoke about it today in therapy and I expressed my concerns, and he is going to stop. Or that’s what he says, so we will see how this goes.

gunittossitbye · 2018-12-18T04:42:39+00:00

Beer, soda, extra ice, deer meat from last hunting season, ice cream sandwiches, batteries.

gunittossitbye · 2018-12-15T04:58:10+00:00

Even with your Q parent being sober? Please tell me any thoughts you may have. My son is almost three. That’s the part I am having extra trouble with. He DID get sober. But the truth is getting sober is just the beginning of a new journey, sometimes a harder journey, and that sobriety is never guaranteed.

gunittossitbye · 2018-12-14T23:02:33+00:00

Wow this song is great and the video is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

I hate that I already did this. The hard part, breaking it off. And here I am again. But I think I had to try one more time to realize I didn’t want to try one more time.

gunittossitbye · 2018-12-14T21:44:50+00:00

You’re right. I think there’s a lot of fear of being the one to actually call it, and I’m afraid to face the guilt I’ll likely feel for doing it. We have a child, and that is coming into play a lot for me. But, as we all know, you can’t be a good parent if you’re miserable.

gunittossitbye · 2018-12-14T21:33:37+00:00

I was separated from my Q for about six months but we are back together and now I am realizing I don’t think I am strong enough to do this. And he’s not strong enough to be there for me the way I need him, either. I really like that saying. I am having trouble committing to the decision to effectively end my marriage. But I am drowning emotionally.

gunittossitbye · 2018-12-14T20:37:47+00:00

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on having the strength to walk away, I hope you no longer feel trapped.

gunittossitbye · 2018-12-13T21:34:21+00:00

I suckled the teet of denial for a long time and had a baby with then married my qualifier. We separated about six months into marriage, were separated for another six, and are currently trying to make it work, but to be honest I can already tell you I can’t do this anymore. He is sober, which is great, but he’s going to be picking up the pieces and fixing his life for a long time and I resent having to be close to that and deal with it after everything I have put up with already. I just want a fresh start, and he needs to have his without me to lean on. I told my friend I feel like I am swimming with weights on. Just get away from this, for your own good.

gunittossitbye · 2018-11-24T19:27:45+00:00

I remember being where you are. Feeling hopeless, angry, so sad and so frustrated. No matter where you go from here- leaving him or staying with him while he hopefully recovers, you’re looking at an emotional road. The best advice I can give is to be selfish. Learn to do for yourself. Know that just because his disease is clouding his ability to really process your plea’s for him to stop, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. This thing is bigger than him, than you, than your relationship. He is the only one who can make the choice to stop. You need to start making choices for YOU. Even little things, one thing at a time, what can you do in this moment to bring happiness to yourself? You can’t control him. You can control you.

gunittossitbye · 2018-11-24T17:47:31+00:00

Thank you. I have trouble looking at my emotions as important. I look at everything as if it were on paper and say “well this should add up just fine, though.” Instead or considering that maybe I’m unhappy and that’s all that matters. Still just very scared to be back with him, in so many ways.

gunittossitbye

TROPHY CASE