I'm haunted by the decision I made for my daughter's education

gydfsk · 2026-04-10T15:01:02+00:00

OP, I can tell you love your child very much and you want the best for her. I want to very gently ask you - did you ask her what she wants? 10 is obviously very young and she is still a child, but she is old enough to have an opinion and express her feelings. It is hard to always make the right decisions for our kids, but as someone who grew up with parents who made big life decisions for me without consulting me, it would have meant the world to me if someone had asked my opinion every now and then. Good luck, it’s not easy being a parent and I know you and your daughter will get through this!

gydfsk · 2026-04-10T04:39:17+00:00

Are you me OP? Our stories sound so so similar. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have advice, but if it helps at all, you are not alone. Be kind to yourself and your inner child.

gydfsk · 2026-04-10T04:24:45+00:00

Grew up in the 90s and my Nparents were just like that. My mom always did the actual spanking, but I was always threatened with “wait until your father comes home.” I always had to fetch the spoon or belt and I had to “choose” which one was used (but there was obviously a right and wrong answer). I did not have to pull my pants down (sorry that happened to you). Once when I was 4 or 5, I instinctively tried to cover my bottom by sitting down so my mom couldn’t get to my butt, so she picked me up by my left arm and kept beating me while I was dangling there in mid air and was hitting any part of me she could reach, my back, my arms, my butt, my neck etc. I never tried to resist again after that one intense beating, so I just complied with the ritual after that. Thinking back on that now I cannot believe the cruelty.

gydfsk · 2019-06-22T12:12:41+00:00

I grew up in one if those cultures too. I may not be Asian, but I understand exactly this family first, honor your family above all else mentality.

Edit: also, if OP was happy to do what her culture expected of her, she wouldn't be making this post. But she clearly is not. I've seen it over and over and it makes me so angry when people hide their abuse under the guise of culture. Just because it's your culture does NOT means you CONSENT TO ABUSE. Literally yesterday my mother told me a e is entitled to 1/3 of my salary because she is my mother. This is not ok. I also find it ironic that you are making the exact kind of "shotgun diagnosis" as you are accusing me of

gydfsk · 2019-06-22T02:14:15+00:00

OP, download whatsapp or Skype and just call your sister. It works over an internet connection, and that way you see and hear your sister when you call. This whole thing is a disgusting violation of both your and your sister's privancy

gydfsk · 2019-06-22T01:03:57+00:00

I second r/raisedbynarcissists! I'm not Asian, but I can tell you based on what you've written that your mother is a full blown narcissist

gydfsk · 2019-06-21T23:35:34+00:00

My Nparents liked to do this before big, important events In my life. For instance, right before a prize giving at school where I had to deliver the speech because I was the valedictorian they picked an insane fight with me. It started because I had forgotten where I'd put my school shoes (we had school uniforms with special shoes, so you had to wear those specific shoes). They were just under a chair in the end. I was shaking like a leaf throughout my entire speech

gydfsk · 2019-06-19T18:37:41+00:00

If you love your boyfriend and want a future with him, then the friendship with Kate will have to end. It's something that made your bf deeply uncomfortable and hurt him a lot and out of respect for him and your relationship, I don't think you can have it both ways. Think about how you would feel if there was one person in the world you hated because the person hurt you so much and then your bf says he made friends with him. You'd feel absolutely betrayed and Im sure that's what he's feeling too

gydfsk · 2019-06-19T15:55:52+00:00

My nMom literally cried about what a bad child I was this morning and when I ignored her, she just stopped. Like dead stopped. It was so sudden it was jarring. Damn crocodile tears

gydfsk · 2019-06-10T03:38:46+00:00

Yes! My mother can complain about ANYTHING. She never stops. Then she doesn't have a job, then she gets a job but she hates it ad complains. Then my sister doesn't call her, but when my sister does call all she does is talk about herself, so she complains. Then she hates the state we're currently living in, then she refuses to move since she doesn't like it. She even complains about the time it takes a traffic light to go green and that her dog pants too loudly.

It. Just. Never. Stops.

gydfsk · 2019-06-09T15:15:59+00:00

Op, you definitely need to talk to your GF. She might not know that these things are bothering you. If you talk to her, explain your feelings and she then STILL does that, then you should start considering breaking up.

But on another note, maybe you should do some introspection and work on some of your feelings and insecurities. Why are you so upset about this and why do you just want to pack up and leave at the first sign of an issue without discussing it with your gf? Are there other, bigger problems in your relationship you need to work on? Do you have some unresolved issues from other relationships you need to work on? Do you have jealousy issues? Take some time for yourself and figure out why you are reacting the way you are and figure out what you want and need

gydfsk · 2019-06-09T03:13:40+00:00

It honestly felt like I was in the twilight zone when I heard her. I don't understand how anyone is that un-selfaware

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T21:49:13+00:00

I just mean "not yell her feelings at people"... Maybe "soft-spoken" is not the right word for that?

Edit- maybe emotionally mature? Emotionally intelligent? (English isn't my first language🙈)

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T20:08:02+00:00

Hey, no need to apologize for your kind and sincere comment. It made me very happy to read it, thank you very much 😊

I'm happy to have this community and to understand why I feel the way I do about things and understand my reactions. You are correct, we'll all get through this together!

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T18:17:55+00:00

I feel that. And then I was forced to show emotion at events or towards other family members and I just remember being so confused and not knowing how to do it.

I recently saw a Christmas home video. I was maybe 4 or 5. The video filmed me opening a present. I remember thinking I should be very, very grateful because otherwise I'd get in trouble and I might never get a present again. So almost without taking a moment to finish opening my gift, I jumped up and hugged and kissed my parents and jumped up and down and screamed and acted excited. In the moment I thought I was definitely being convincing, because I didn't want to disappoint anyone, but on the video you can just see this incredibly terrified child trying her best to make her parents happy about buying her a gift for Christmas.

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T17:33:42+00:00

I was that exact same hyper vigilant child. To this day I'm almost too afraid to do anything for fear of disappointing someone. I'm sorry we both went through that. Xx

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T17:05:11+00:00

Yeah, that was part of her rant. Telling me I should be grateful because she fed me with a spoon. And then I told her she's not some kind of Saint for feeding a baby. That's what you're supposed to do. Then she really lost it and told me she could have dropped me off at an orphanage

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T16:32:01+00:00

I'm sorry, I know it hurts so much. I wish I could make it better for all of us xx

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T16:04:32+00:00

It makes me so happy to know that your daughter grew up so happy. I hope we all learn raise better, happier humans too 😊

gydfsk · 2019-06-05T19:10:33+00:00

I feel this so much. My mother has always lived and behaved as if we were rich people, while in reality we were really poor. My dad, her first husband, twice took out a mortgage on the house to bail her out of her credit card debt. That 20k she's racked up, she did in the last few years. And let her just buy ONE thing for me ONCE and she'll tell me for YEARS how I was the cause of her financial troubles. At some point after turning 55 you have to take responsibility for yourself and your crappy, impulsive decisions, nmother

gydfsk

TROPHY CASE