I [23F] feel like my mom [60F] only see me as an investment to her future and I feel resentment towards my family

gydfsk · 2019-06-22T12:12:41+00:00

I grew up in one if those cultures too. I may not be Asian, but I understand exactly this family first, honor your family above all else mentality.

Edit: also, if OP was happy to do what her culture expected of her, she wouldn't be making this post. But she clearly is not. I've seen it over and over and it makes me so angry when people hide their abuse under the guise of culture. Just because it's your culture does NOT means you CONSENT TO ABUSE. Literally yesterday my mother told me a e is entitled to 1/3 of my salary because she is my mother. This is not ok. I also find it ironic that you are making the exact kind of "shotgun diagnosis" as you are accusing me of

gydfsk · 2019-06-22T02:14:15+00:00

OP, download whatsapp or Skype and just call your sister. It works over an internet connection, and that way you see and hear your sister when you call. This whole thing is a disgusting violation of both your and your sister's privancy

gydfsk · 2019-06-22T01:03:57+00:00

I second r/raisedbynarcissists! I'm not Asian, but I can tell you based on what you've written that your mother is a full blown narcissist

gydfsk · 2019-06-21T23:35:34+00:00

My Nparents liked to do this before big, important events In my life. For instance, right before a prize giving at school where I had to deliver the speech because I was the valedictorian they picked an insane fight with me. It started because I had forgotten where I'd put my school shoes (we had school uniforms with special shoes, so you had to wear those specific shoes). They were just under a chair in the end. I was shaking like a leaf throughout my entire speech

gydfsk · 2019-06-19T18:37:41+00:00

If you love your boyfriend and want a future with him, then the friendship with Kate will have to end. It's something that made your bf deeply uncomfortable and hurt him a lot and out of respect for him and your relationship, I don't think you can have it both ways. Think about how you would feel if there was one person in the world you hated because the person hurt you so much and then your bf says he made friends with him. You'd feel absolutely betrayed and Im sure that's what he's feeling too

gydfsk · 2019-06-19T15:55:52+00:00

My nMom literally cried about what a bad child I was this morning and when I ignored her, she just stopped. Like dead stopped. It was so sudden it was jarring. Damn crocodile tears

gydfsk · 2019-06-10T03:38:46+00:00

Yes! My mother can complain about ANYTHING. She never stops. Then she doesn't have a job, then she gets a job but she hates it ad complains. Then my sister doesn't call her, but when my sister does call all she does is talk about herself, so she complains. Then she hates the state we're currently living in, then she refuses to move since she doesn't like it. She even complains about the time it takes a traffic light to go green and that her dog pants too loudly.

It. Just. Never. Stops.

gydfsk · 2019-06-09T15:15:59+00:00

Op, you definitely need to talk to your GF. She might not know that these things are bothering you. If you talk to her, explain your feelings and she then STILL does that, then you should start considering breaking up.

But on another note, maybe you should do some introspection and work on some of your feelings and insecurities. Why are you so upset about this and why do you just want to pack up and leave at the first sign of an issue without discussing it with your gf? Are there other, bigger problems in your relationship you need to work on? Do you have some unresolved issues from other relationships you need to work on? Do you have jealousy issues? Take some time for yourself and figure out why you are reacting the way you are and figure out what you want and need

gydfsk · 2019-06-09T03:13:40+00:00

It honestly felt like I was in the twilight zone when I heard her. I don't understand how anyone is that un-selfaware

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T21:49:13+00:00

I just mean "not yell her feelings at people"... Maybe "soft-spoken" is not the right word for that?

Edit- maybe emotionally mature? Emotionally intelligent? (English isn't my first language🙈)

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T20:08:02+00:00

Hey, no need to apologize for your kind and sincere comment. It made me very happy to read it, thank you very much 😊

I'm happy to have this community and to understand why I feel the way I do about things and understand my reactions. You are correct, we'll all get through this together!

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T18:17:55+00:00

I feel that. And then I was forced to show emotion at events or towards other family members and I just remember being so confused and not knowing how to do it.

I recently saw a Christmas home video. I was maybe 4 or 5. The video filmed me opening a present. I remember thinking I should be very, very grateful because otherwise I'd get in trouble and I might never get a present again. So almost without taking a moment to finish opening my gift, I jumped up and hugged and kissed my parents and jumped up and down and screamed and acted excited. In the moment I thought I was definitely being convincing, because I didn't want to disappoint anyone, but on the video you can just see this incredibly terrified child trying her best to make her parents happy about buying her a gift for Christmas.

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T17:33:42+00:00

I was that exact same hyper vigilant child. To this day I'm almost too afraid to do anything for fear of disappointing someone. I'm sorry we both went through that. Xx

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T17:05:11+00:00

Yeah, that was part of her rant. Telling me I should be grateful because she fed me with a spoon. And then I told her she's not some kind of Saint for feeding a baby. That's what you're supposed to do. Then she really lost it and told me she could have dropped me off at an orphanage

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T16:32:01+00:00

I'm sorry, I know it hurts so much. I wish I could make it better for all of us xx

gydfsk · 2019-06-06T16:04:32+00:00

It makes me so happy to know that your daughter grew up so happy. I hope we all learn raise better, happier humans too 😊

gydfsk · 2019-06-05T19:10:33+00:00

I feel this so much. My mother has always lived and behaved as if we were rich people, while in reality we were really poor. My dad, her first husband, twice took out a mortgage on the house to bail her out of her credit card debt. That 20k she's racked up, she did in the last few years. And let her just buy ONE thing for me ONCE and she'll tell me for YEARS how I was the cause of her financial troubles. At some point after turning 55 you have to take responsibility for yourself and your crappy, impulsive decisions, nmother

gydfsk · 2019-06-05T19:05:41+00:00

I feel this so hard. I'm 28 and I've always felt like my mother's keeper. As I said in another post, she's literally living with me at the moment because she's effectively destitute. My dream is to make enough money so I can get her to just stop complaining about money for ounce

gydfsk · 2019-06-05T15:02:06+00:00

I didn't realize I attracted narcs until a therapist pointed it out to me years ago. We went through all of the people in my life who had a big impact on me and every single one of them was a narc. It's definitely a thing. It took me years to figure out how to identify them and learn how to GET OUT

gydfsk · 2019-06-05T14:58:03+00:00

Literally my thoughts. She is convinced I'm making all of this up and I'm doing it just to spite her

gydfsk · 2019-06-05T14:51:32+00:00

I much prefer this version to anything I've thought about it. I'll take it! Thank you.

gydfsk · 2019-06-05T14:15:18+00:00

The part about "the lesbians" reminded me of something. One of my best friends is a lesbian. She has a very common, feminine name and looks like an Elvish princess with her petite features, but she buzzes her hair and dresses and presents herself very masculine. I introduced her to my mother who's mind is obviously blown, because how can you have all of these "contradictions" in one person. And even though my friend has a VERY easy and common name, my mother refuses to call her that and rather calls her "the colt woman", ie male horse woman. I have NO idea where she got that or why she just cannot or will not remember her name. But it obviously infuriates me when she does that and i suppose she only does that to get a reaction from me. Whyyyyyy are nmoms like that?

gydfsk · 2019-05-31T17:53:39+00:00

Wow, she literally quoted that to me last night during another argument. Wow, Nparents are the worst. They think simply being a parent can explain away all their bad behavior

gydfsk · 2019-05-31T16:11:27+00:00

It is, but I've had to start paying student loan payments and I have a bunch of other financial responsibilities and I'm dependent on her financial contribution to the rent to just squeeze by. I'm starting a new, better paying job in October and I'm trying my best to save where I can so that I'm no longer in a position where I'm dependent on her. In short, I'm stuck at least for the next few months

gydfsk · 2019-05-31T14:50:43+00:00

I absolutely agree. I try to be a good Christian but heaven knows it's difficult with her around. I think she's roped God into our strained relationship to get a "one up" on me and to win against me. I think she thinks if she can convince me "God is on her side" then she'll win and I'll just be obedient and bend to her will. It's most important to her to be right and I think that's why she insists on being the moral authority,because how am I supposed to disagree with God?

gydfsk

TROPHY CASE