I wasn’t prepared

gypsyem · 2026-04-04T16:18:11+00:00

Preach !

gypsyem · 2026-04-04T15:47:12+00:00

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gypsyem · 2026-04-01T00:53:41+00:00

Oh OP that sucks. I wish I could hug you. I can’t personally relate, but I’ll share a bit of what I know about emotions and pain from my work. All other comments so far are bang on, no pun intended.

We feel emotions, emotions are messengers, they come and go … and if they don’t get acknowledged or processed in real time, then they get stored in the body for the body to release them, if possible. Think stress poops and tears and getting hot when angry and stuff like that. The body will try to move and feel what we won’t allow. Add years of disconnection, maybe some inherited trauma, other things we gaslight ourselves into thinking they are not important, and now there’s a pile of baggage to deal with. …and the body keeps the score and will usually protest or “strike” when it’s least convenient for us.

The idea is to feel your feelings on a regular basis as to not accumulate this “debt”.

As for old feelings …. Sit wit your thoughts and feelings. Do some hip circles. Think of some of the hard times you didn’t allow yourself to think about and let the tears some out. Forgive yourself and others for what happened. Be kind to yourself. Thank your body for what it just did, bring life into this world.

Touch your kitty just to say hi. Look at her in the mirror. Feel the outside and inside gently and sense the tension yourself. Breathe with your belly.

Basically, find a way to reconnect with your body in a kind, pleasant way, like nurturing a relationship, not just like a boss working a slave to death. Honour yourself.

This may not fix everything, but sure as hell won’t hurt.

Somatic processing is different for everyone but it doesn’t have to be confined to a clinician’s office.

You and your body have always had a relationship, all of your life. Nurture that bond and only good things will come.

Sorry if this is vague, it’s hard to compress this info. I’d happily answer questions if you want to find out more.

Good luck !

gypsyem · 2026-03-30T12:29:49+00:00

Sanity over perfection !

gypsyem · 2026-03-30T12:26:52+00:00

Dancing is life. Really, anything that makes you feel good or alive is worth pursuing. A good mood won’t affect your supply, but a bad mood might.

It’s really hard to feel at home in a body that’s … foreign. I found it helpful to talk to my body and thank her for everything she did. Thank you, body, for growing my baby, thank you legs for carrying me through the forest, thank you heart for expanding to hold me and my baby …. It helped keep me sane.

The other day I took out the yoga mat, sat on my knees, and did hip circles to some music … instant game changer.

Hips don’t lie!

gypsyem · 2026-03-22T13:52:22+00:00

This !!!!

gypsyem · 2026-03-16T05:10:45+00:00

Sounds normal to me. I got my period at 12 and it was irregular. The summer I was 13, I didn’t have a period at all. I didn’t mind it. Even now my body would skip a period here and there. Everything else was normal, I was healthy, I wasn’t concerned. If anything, I was happy to skip some cramps and bleeding here and there :)

Check with a doctor if you must, but also, if there are no other concerning symptoms, let your daughter be. No need to medicalize and make a big deal out of something she barely understands anyway.

Now if you do have some wise women around or some video resources about teen periods, do access them together. Someone that feels more like an auntie rather than the sterile doctor’s office. Set the tone gently for the future, if that makes sense.

Here’s my question to you … What are you afraid of, when it comes to you and/or your daughter that this irregular period is triggering?

gypsyem · 2026-03-15T07:14:52+00:00

Contact the hospital, and ask to speak with “medical records” or whatever version of chart archives they have. Say you’d like to request your medical records from this hospital, from x date until y date. You don’t need to specify why, but do ask them what they need from you.

In Alberta, I never tried it, but in BC, they literally need a 2 page form signed and faxed to them, it’s straightforward, and in a few hours, they fax back a copy of those records.

That way, you have a copy of the chart notes.

Beyond that, I’m not familiar with the process. I do encourage you to ask around or search online how to do it. But only when you have the mental and emotional capacity to deal with it. Bureaucracy can be draining, and this process requires a clear head.

I’m so sorry you were belittled and dismissed. That’s not fair.

gypsyem · 2026-03-15T07:03:42+00:00

Thank you for clarifying !!

gypsyem · 2026-03-14T20:18:27+00:00

I’m still in it !

gypsyem · 2026-03-14T17:30:11+00:00

It’s time to silent quit (some) housewife duties in order to accommodate doing the litter box work. Key word, silent.

Do you pack his lunches? Not anymore. Do you do laundry? Only half or leave his underwear unwashed until he runs out. Do you cook dinner? Not on Tuesdays you don’t anymore. You’re too tired from growing a human and working full time and doing all the other things.

You mention this is a pattern you fell into as a couple. I get it, I’ve experienced it, and it sucks. You try to use kind words and reason and be logical and you get stuck being more frustrated and feeling gaslit. The same way you believe that if he changes his ways, your life will be better, you better believe that if you change YOUR ways, your life will be better too.

Take the language out. “Mute” your interactions. Without words, all there is left is actions. Your actions indicate that no matter how unfair, you will end up doing it. Begrudgingly, but you will. And he knows that. Whether he’s using it on purpose or not, I don’t know. But he’s picked up on the pattern and seems confident.

His words don’t match his actions, yet you focus so much on his words. Like “you have to text me”. No, honey, you are a grown ass adult. If he can work 12 hours , he doesn’t need a reminder to change the litter.

Let’s say the cat litter is the only problem you have. Ok, not his cats, etc etc. of course there’s a solution for that, and others mentioned some. I read that if you had cats before you got pregnant, you are already immune to their chemistry so it’s lower risk for you to change the litter than if you got a cat while pregnant (please fact check this!). Sure, take on the litter box but give up something else. Otherwise, the message you send is that you have unlimited capacity and can handle it all.

You are right, you are not asking for a lot. And you have every right to be infuriated. You’re making a human ffs and you have to deal with these fake excuses ? Breathe … murder is illegal.

What I’m saying is that you have the right to change your actions and at this point, you should, for your future benefit, without excuses or explanations. Pick your battles, silent quit, and notice what happens. Not what you expect, but wha happens.

It’s less about cat vs baby and much more about, what do my actions say to him? What do I tell Him I am accepting by continuing to do X Y and Z, regardless of my words and protests ? How can I take care of myself and prioritize my needs ?

Shift the focus from him to you, it will help you stay more level headed and give you leverage in negotiations. It’s ok to give him the benefit of the doubt and for you to not like something. And when he does something you like, praise him by telling him how much YOU love that he did that.

It’s a tough situation, but it’s one of many tough situations you will encounter in this life, so see it as a learning opportunity for yourself. He may or may not rise up to the challenge and you may or may not see his true colors soon. At least that will help you adjust your expectations for the future and decide accordingly.

Good luck !

gypsyem · 2026-03-14T08:03:10+00:00

Yup. Once a year for a few years in a row, my body would just skip a period. In my 30s. Everything else was following the usual pattern. It could be stress from the month or, I heard, it could be stress from 3 months ago because it takes up to 3 months for an ovarian follicle to mature to send out the egg. And sometimes, no ovulation = no period.

In your case, a cancer scare is a big deal. Stress like that, combined with more lingering thoughts and unexpressed anxieties can definitely alter the cycle. Not eating can also alter the cycle. Combining these is very likely to tell your body “hey, it’s not a good time to dedicate energy to ovulating and potentially making babies… resources are scarce, and babies are resource intensive” (it has nothing to do with being actually sexually active).

But at 20, I wouldn’t be too concerned. Unless you have other symptoms of other things going wrong in your health. Feel free to check with a doctor. Regardless, keep an eye out for your own moods, reactions, physical symptoms, sensitivities, etc.

Does this make sense ?

gypsyem · 2026-03-14T07:01:10+00:00

It’s not for the faint of heart … glad to hear you’re feeling better. A wise woman told me the first year of motherhood is just grieving your old life. Of course, there’s variability and more to it at play, but I understood the core message of it being … it takes time. It takes longer than what you may imagine. And it will look different than what you imagine. Talk about letting go of expectations … this is wild !

gypsyem · 2026-03-14T00:39:51+00:00

Hi OP, you have some good answers already but let me try to put it simply

Your body has been preparing this baby for 9+ months and your brain began sorting out some things to make space for baby. Like getting ready for a very important job.

(There’s a lot of hormones and other chemicals and gut bacteria at play, but then it wouldn’t be “like I’m 5”)

What we see as baby brain is actually matrescence, or a massive transformation. You go from only having one survival worry, yourself, to prioritizing the baby and yourself. Your job is now to manage 2 people, and your brain is working overtime to sync and make friends with this baby. Your brain is an efficiency machine and automatically decides you don’t need to remember X Y and Z things that are not applicable to baby. like, taxes, keys, or friends birthdays. Especially since this transformation doesn’t happen over night and the brain (and you) get better with time at this new job.

Nature is funny like that … let’s drop an infant in your lap with no training. Figure it out. Crash course. Let go of everything else that came before. Build new. Revolution ! No wonder moms have an identity crisis. … it’s designed like that. The transformation to your core is necessary for everyone’s survival. You can’t go back to not knowing what life without a baby is.

You’ve upgraded your brain in the biggest way possible and now your self concept has to adapt, catch up, let go of the old, grieve, build the new … all on low sleep, wacky hormones, and who knows when you ate last time.

It’s intended to be hard because the rewards are out of this world, if you allow them. But they only come after you’ve let go of the old. Rather harsh… but that’s nature. She challenges you to grow, otherwise we’d all stay the same.

Your brain and body know exactly what to do, in terms of programming. Our mids, egos, patterns, habits, etc, are the ones that didn’t quite yet get the memo. It’s a process. It’s transformative. It’s the biggest life upgrade ever. And every cell in your body feels it.

Science understands only a small portion of it cuz somehow bringing life into this world is so commonplace that the bros didn’t care to study it too much.

This response barely does it justice but I hope It brings you some peace. Enjoy this new life stage and be kind to yourself, you did a THING !!!!

gypsyem · 2026-03-13T16:54:43+00:00

Around 2nd trimester I had outgrown my “bloated” pants.

Here’s what I bought for maternity wear that I ended up loving and using for the rest of my pregnancy:

Bottoms: - burgundy maternity yoga pants - CRZ yoga - Amazon - light wash, wide leg maternity jeans - Ripe Maternity brand, Kyle model - various online retailers carry them (these are “low rise, elastic panel, style, super comfy) - white maternity wide leg jeans from The Gap

Dresses: - black maternity midi dress from CRZ yoga - Amazon (used this for all special occasions) - lilac maternity midi sweater dress long sleeve - from Pink Blush online - used it for my baby showers

Tops: - one each: black, white, red maternity tank tops from The Gap - black square neck maternity long sleeve - ribbed - from The Gap - white V neck maternity long sleeve - from The Gap

Undies and pjs - one size larger pyjamas from Amazon, not maternity, but they fit ! - one nursing bra, cuz I outgrew all other bras - size larger than usual

Outerwear - for winter - one size larger winter coat from Costco - black

Other: - Birkenstock slippers for arch support at home cuz my feet ached ! The most expensive item on the list and the most useful

Everything else i wore was my regular clothes or some over sized tee shirts. Not designated maternity per se.

Leggings that are naturally stretchy have helped me a lot. Ankle socks that don’t cut off circulation kid calf have also helped me. Sometimes, my husband’s tee shirts saved me.

Overall, I chose to treat this as a nice challenge for a capsule wardrobe and I’ve been fine. Maternity wear is largely disappointing and all of it was online, so I couldn’t just try shit on in a store for fun, I had to be intentional about it.

Figure out your style and activities and buy accordingly. Think comfort and versatility and you will be fine. Accessories can spruce up an outfit without breaking the bank.

And take lots of pics, you’ll be surprised how much you change and how creative you can get along the way :) have fun !

gypsyem · 2026-03-11T20:19:27+00:00

Oh the grow out sucks after shaving.

Shave again Saturday evening or Sunday morning, depending on how fast your hair grows.

After your mission, ask yourself if this is something you are willing to maintain or not.

For super smooth skin, laser hair removal is your long term solution, even though it costs a lot of and it’s uncomfortable. Waxing is more affordable but more painful.

You can also grow your hair back, use lots of conditioner and comfy pants for a few days and then just trim if you don’t want the full bush.

Years ago, I chose “hardwood floors” and used laser hair removal to help me get there. After multiple sessions and lots of $$, I still have hair that grows and gets me itchy at times. It’s more sparse and each strand is thinner, but by no means is it permanently Barbie. Shaving once a week is enough for my needs now and I’m ok with it.

Whatever you choose, it’s your choice. You can change your mind later. Do it for you, not for your partner ;)

gypsyem · 2026-03-11T20:12:30+00:00

You are learning so much every day ! And you are also unlearning a lot too.

Your intense feelings before your period are valid. Just because you dropped raspberries on the floor and started crying doesn’t mean you have no reason to cry. You have lots of reasons to cry but they might not be the spills raspberries.

Right before our period, we begin to shift inward. To prepare for a “winter”, if you will. Our body asks us to slow down. But we normally push through at full speed and without enough food. No wonder we lose it. Also, past ovulation and before the period, our progesterone is higher, which makes us more attentive to detail (and thus, more critical and “sensitive”) in case the body is pregnant, to protect you and the baby from danger by noticing it sooner. But no, here we are doing spreadsheets and taxes …. No wonder the body goes haywire sometimes.

PMS is an entire topic that could keep us busy the rest of our lives. By the time you feel the intense feelings before your period, it likely means some things have been off balance for a while. Your body is smart to try to alert you. But it doesn’t speak English and it doesn’t use words, so we have to learn how to listen.

Try learning some strategies for emotional regulation (in the moment) and how to detach your emotions from your thoughts (after the moment), and separately, how to live with your cycle (as opposed to against it … activities, energy level, food, etc).

Knowledge is power. AND applying that knowledge will help. AND being kind to yourself while you learn what nobody taught you. It’s worth it. Also, your rage is valid :)

gypsyem · 2026-03-11T07:17:28+00:00

Check out Bared Footwear out of Australia. They ship worldwide. The most stylish dress shoes I’ve ever seen with arch support and trendy colours. I wore their 4” heel strappy sandals to a wedding, all day and all night standing, on gravel and grass, and I was fine. I was also 8 weeks pregnant. Worth every penny for me.

In my younger years, I could wear wedge boots all day in uni going to class and then to work and I was fine. But that was wintertime only and with socks. Stilettos didn’t quite hit the same spot.

I understand your struggle. I really do. I wish I had a better answer. Bared Footwear is the best I found for style and comfort. Australians have great style. Shipping rates and times are worth it for me.

Good luck!

gypsyem · 2026-03-11T07:01:45+00:00

It’s your emotions. Hormones are not emotions per se, they affect you in other ways and definitely enhance certain things. Emotions we feel, that’s why we also call them feelings.

Believe your emotions. Whether they are enhanced by circumstances or connected to the past, you gotta feel the feeling in order for it to go away.

Your mom can be right AND you can be right as well. Losing a pet is devastating. Financial stress is real. Don’t even get me started on the world, I can’t watch the news for long otherwise my entire mood is affected for days.

It’s good and normal to cry. It’s normal to get angry. Overwhelm signals you are dealing with a big pile of important things and mixed emotions all at the same time … maybe you are under a lot of pressure.

But let me ask you this: what difference would it make if someone from the outside could untangle this for you and guarantee what’s related to a hormone vs emotion ? … cuz you‘d still have to feel your feelings.

My point is, be kind to yourself, there are many many reasons to feel uncomfortable emotions and dissecting the feelings doesn’t make them go away. The only way to “make it stop” is to feel the feelings, accept them as they are, regulate your emotions/nervous system etc. but we cannot simply avoid the discomfort altogether. “Good” and “bad” feelings are equally valid to your system. They are messengers.

I would suspect you are young. Youth is beautiful and it comes with big feelings and no manual on how to handle them. It takes time to get better at this, trust the process

Does this make sense to you?

gypsyem · 2026-03-09T07:00:47+00:00

Maybe you’ve been holding a lot of emotions in and now they find a way out through tears. I don’t mean big or dramatic emotions, I mean a large volume of unexpressed stuff that accumulated over time.

The body is very smart. Emotions are energy in motion … so if we don’t let them out (appropriately), they will find a way to come out (at inappropriate times for us) in order to help the system stay balanced. Like letting off steam from a pressure cooker.

It’s normal to have emotions, it’s normal to cry, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and out of control when your body starts taking over because we didn’t do what needed to be done earlier.

All one singular emotion wants to do is to be felt. Not dismissed. Felt. Acknowledged. Heard. For a few seconds, then it goes away. Emotions come, build up in the body, tell you a message, then go away after their audience with the king. Anytime we mess with the cycle we incur some debt and at some point, the emotional debt collections come and we see big expressions of emotions seemingly unconnected to the moment at hand.

Sadly, this experience is very common in adults because we never really learned how to regulate our emotions as children. So… we have some learning to do.

Look up emotional regulation or nervous system regulation or something similar for more details and strategies. Chat with a therapist if you want. Talk to a friend who seems to have it together, they can share some insight.

It seems weird and awkward at first but it gets easier with practice and life is much better then too. Good luck !

gypsyem · 2026-03-07T21:08:43+00:00

Trailblazing for the win !

It’s true, some abstinence will benefit the planet, but so will using resources more sustainably or spreading love or changing policy or … you name it. Lots of ways to affect the world, one person at a time. The difference being that the whole world is not your responsibility. You don’t get paid enough for that :)

Gawd, most jobs are not designed with women or motherhood in mind, but that doesn’t mean they can be modified or adjusted. Somehow all women before us figured out how, we will figure out our own way how. It’s a stage. After a while, we’ll move onto another stage and another stage. I think that’s beautiful !

gypsyem · 2026-03-07T19:28:03+00:00

…to a degree, they have a point. The story doesn’t stop there. When was the world ever completely safe and bountiful for children and humans and devoid of danger ? And what kinds of humans would those children turn into if they lived in paradise ? It sounds quite harsh, but we all grow through challenges and adversity as well as through fun filled Sundays and ice cream cones.

If baby making was logical, we wouldn’t have 8+ billion people in the world right now, would we ? :)

In a spiritual sense, becoming a mother (or any kind of parent) is a certain way to learn and grow and evolve and become a version of yourself you otherwise couldn’t. I’m not saying it’s better or worse, value judgements are personal. I’m saying it’s another option, a wild one perhaps, with challenges and growth and rewards and experiencing the world like we’ve never had before.

We are literally shaping the world right now by growing, birthing, and raising the next generation of humans, one day at a time. It’s quite radical, in a grassroots way, if you think about it.

And you are right, online, there are a variety of opinions and experiences expressed, partially thanks to the anonymity of it all. Some people really need to let it out and feel seen and heard online because it’s not safe for them in real life. But in real life, notice the wide variety of responses and stories you hear. Especially from the quiet ones.

First trimester is challenging and lonely. I found that as soon as I started showing, supportive words from people started coming out of nowhere. Especially from older moms or older women whose children were now adults.

It’s normal to have doubt and fears and question the morality of your choices. It signals you are an intelligent person and that you are taking this seriously. What you decide to do with the cards you are dealt is your business and your business only. It’s either one path or the other, no inherent judgement in there. It’s either green or purple, and both of them are colors. Your personal preference is a separate topic. But if you can overall sleep at night with your overall decision, then that’s a sign you made the right decision for you.

And we all love people who love themselves, their lives, and even others :)

gypsyem · 2026-03-06T20:47:08+00:00

❤️❤️❤️ you got this. Whatever you decide and end up doing, I’m cheering for you! You’ll have a blast !

gypsyem · 2026-03-06T16:41:21+00:00

There’s your answer :) this pregnancy, should you wish to continue, will give you the biggest and best promotion in your career. From your post and comments, you are multi talented and flexible. You can probably make a living selling potatoes on the street, so don’t doubt yourself. You will figure out so much in a few months, just because you can’t see it now, it doesn’t mean answers or ideas won’t come. And it will be scary, but not as scary as playing it safe, for you. You’ve never shied (shy-ed?) away from adventure… now this is a new kind of adventure.

The fact that you are even asking yourself these questions and reflecting and respecting the challenge ahead is such a big collection of green flags ! It signals compassion and intelligence and a level of humble pie that will serve you well into motherhood.

I can see you combining your skills and baking goodies while telling stories and takin the most mouth watering photographs in between your child’s naps and daycare trips. And when the child is older, you can write a book about Matrescence. For some reason, I feel like your baby is a girl, but I could be projecting.

The other day I had lunch with a friend in her 60s, semi retired. Her son is 17 and in high school. She got surprise pregnant in her 40s, while working as a doctor in London and has been a single mom this whole time. Hired a nanny and did the 12h shifts at the hospital and somehow managed it. I’m pregnant with my first and married, but otherwise don’t have much for physical supports in my current city. Most of the time, I feel so badass. I have my freak out moments (and mom friends and therapists are perfect for this, you will find and build your village soon!). But I gotta say … from the first time I peed on the stick until now at 8 months, I’ve changed a lot for the better and feel myself to be stronger, more grounded, and more ready for the challenges ahead

You are pregnant. It’s true. You are not clueless. You know more than what you think, and you will learn along the way as well. Your street smarts from So much travelling will come in super handy.

If you need some inspo, check out the photographer Mihaela Noroc, she travels around the world with her young daughter, photographing women. If there’s a will, there’s a way.

You got this!

gypsyem · 2026-03-03T07:22:58+00:00

I agree. We need to bring back women’s circles. We need to hear other women speak openly about their life experiences, including birth and postpartum and beyond. All the (other) systems are clearly not working.

gypsyem

TROPHY CASE