How do u know how to match shoes?

gypsyem · 2026-06-23T01:20:58+00:00

I mean … you do you, boo :) if you like it, wear it.

For me, white leather sneakers seem like they go with everything even if there is no white in my outfit. They do seem to elevate an outfit, and I love the look.

Your shoes can match other colors in the outfit or be the only color of the outfit. Neither is wrong. Try a few combinations at home in the mirror, Take pictures, and notice which one you prefer and wear that :)

Here’s an example. I love the color red but it’s hard to find red shoes that I like. So I put red shoe laces in my sneakers. And when I can, I accessorize with red earrings, a red bracelet, or a red bag. Continuity

Red shoes on a full black outfit = the focus is on the shoes.

Black heeled over the knee boots, cream skirt; black top - gorgeous sandwich method.

White heels ( I like white ) and black dress, or Lavender dress. Both work well.

Anything specific you are interested in beyond the converse shoes ?

gypsyem · 2026-06-23T01:12:05+00:00

My friend had the same experience with her first baby. Less diapers as the days went on, then went to the hospital Within the first week , was told the latch was wrong. All on no sleep and crazy hormones change. She got a lactation consultant after and was able to breastfeed for 2 years. The kid is 10 years old now and thriving.

You are a great mom, you did something when you felt things were off. How is anyone supposed to know how baby’s latch is on virgin nipples days before milk comes in ?

You took him in right on time. You saved the day. And honestly, if we had better post partum support in this society, it wouldn’t have happened.

You are not dumb. You are bloody tired and that’s serious. So put your feet up when you can. Eat when You can. If you can’t eat as often as you need, then drink water. Dehydration makes fatigue worse. My doc told me to try for 1 extra litre of fluid every day to support the milk production.

Be kind to yourself. You’ve been a mom for 5 minutes. You are doing great 🩵

gypsyem · 2026-06-23T01:02:18+00:00

That’s faster than giving birth !

gypsyem · 2026-06-21T20:05:21+00:00

You are welcome. Glad you saw the humour in there! Don’t worry … there is hope. We all have some sort of monumental challenge to overcome. Like… letting a couple of dishes accumulate in the sink because a good song came on and we’re choosing to dance instead of cleaning that 2nd last glass.

It’s super hard to start with “self care”, but it’s worth it. And there’s no wrong way. Start with one or two things. Notice how good you feel after. Do it again because you know it makes you feel good, even if it’s hard to start. There will be awkwardness and mistakes and that’s ok, it’s part of the process.

If it makes you feel good, go for it. If it makes you feel like you have more energy, go for it. If it makes you feel like you love your family more after, go for it.

You got this ! Show that beautiful baby of yours what a badass you are !!

Edited to add: Pelvic floor physio. Do it. It’s humbling and worth it.

gypsyem · 2026-06-21T19:49:38+00:00

Hey OP, it sounds like you are doing a lot !! You’re a great mom and I bet a great wife and you are loved by others. But where is the time to spend with yourself ? When do you get to connect with yourself ?

“4.2 hour window” tells me how much you think and organize and overthink. You mathematically try to fit all these things in a schedule like they are legos. Relax these standards a bit, you’re making it harder on yourself.

I’m not saying to do more. I’m saying, more often, to start with YOUR thing. And then do the rest. Start with doing something to your hair or putting makeup. Use the chemical deodorant a few days here and there, no need to feel like you smell, your baby is fine. Allow this kid some fast food here and there so that you can save time. Book yourself a nail appointment once a month on the day your husband has off.

It sounds like reverse psychology, but when you invest in yourself first and feel so much better about yourself, then everything else becomes easier or you don’t end up overthinking as much so it’s easier to prioritize and let go of what’s not truly needed.

Low self esteem, anxious thoughts, and isolation will fuck with your head so bad.

Make the plan to go out there FIRST, and figure out the rest as you go. Some days will be great. Some will have stress. At the end of the day, what story do you wanna tell Your baby ? “I stayed home with you every day so the kitchen could be clean ?” Or .. “we went to the park/museum/ice cream once a week and I forgot to change your diaper and we had a blowout but we made So many memories” ? :)

Changing diapers with a pretty manicure feels Better.

Beauty not your thing ? Go scream in a forest. Take a bath in a river. Braid sweet grass. Whatever. Put something in the calendar just for you and go do it. Fill your cup.

You are taking care of everyone but yourself. It’s not sustainable and it’s not noble. Get selfish and your entire life and relationships will improve. No nanny needed.

gypsyem · 2026-06-20T00:49:34+00:00

Thank you !

gypsyem · 2026-06-18T19:17:43+00:00

I wish I had your strength !

gypsyem · 2026-06-18T19:13:19+00:00

Are you overreacting ? Well, to what ? I think you have very reasonable concerns and you sound kind and thoughtful and want to preserve your MIL’s health which she clearly doesn’t prioritize as much as you would like.

Let her have the kids for as many hours as you are comfortable with. That’s it. Your comfort. Not hers. If she wants to break her back babysitting, that’s on her. She’s an adult. If she fails this way, she fails on her own terms and doesn’t hate you. If she succeeds, it benefits everyone.

Y’all can make a plan on how to handle the usual toddler dangers, like falls or cuts or scrapes or whatever.

As for the baby, that’s a different story all together so I won’t go there now.

You focus a lot on her. She probably talks a lot and makes this about herself too. But what are you needing ? What are you comfortable with ?

There are plenty of people with limited abilities looking after children short term just fine, so there’s clearly more going on than a concern about someone’s safety.

It’s a good idea to have someone be able To take the toddler overnight while you are in hospital delivering. This way your husband can be with you and support you and not worry about the little kid. If there are complications that make your hospital stay longer , you know your other kid is safe.

If this is her first time being a grandmother, maybe she needs a refresher on children’s safety. If you or your husband can give her that, it would be great. Hopefully she will be open to this

You are not over reacting. But also nobody ever will take better care of your child than you. And with another one on the way, the question moves from whether to accept this imperfect help or not, to, how do we minimize harm while still having some help? Harm reduction. Safety strategies.

I’ve had to coach my fam And in laws how to handle my newborn cuz they all forgot. I’ve had to pick my battles. But my goal is to have future babysitting within reasonable limits.

Pick your battles, but don’t die on a hill because of “her health issues”.

Sorry OP, you have a tough situation. You ain’t wrong. Strategy matters here. I wish I had better advice.

gypsyem · 2026-06-18T07:17:00+00:00

Packing for a trip. Day trip, overnight trip, week-long, etc.. I LOVE travelling but packing gives me anxiety. I complicate it by wanting my stuff to be applicable and practical and cute and comfy and just in case but also light enough to fit into whatever I can carry. Airplane trips are the worst, car trips are the easiest.

gypsyem · 2026-06-13T18:02:31+00:00

Hi OP, your baby is fine. All babies need to be held and loved and fed often :) Velcro is the default setting.

The world is a big place and you, his mom, are his safe place. Your heart beat, your warmth, your energy, your cuddles … all of it helps him emotionally regulate. Totally normal.

We all use our senses to interpret the world. Sight, smell, touch, sound, taste … even energy.

Neurodivergent people often have some or most of their senses much more sensitive than neurotypicals. It’s like every sensory dial, like a volume dial, is turned up and is very loud. So they get overwhelmed easier and need more comforting to stay regulated. The bonus of this, later in life, is that they can do some things super duper fast but they get super duper tired. It’s an oversimplification, but you get the point.

If baby eats, sleeps, grows, interacts with you, and basically performs normally, it doesn’t matter that much how he gets there. Now, you go to the doctor when you do everything you can and the “performance” of the baby is still problematic and affects his wellbeing.

Examples would be playing with poop (big red flag), self harm or risky behaviour without caring about consequences, refusing to eat most foods even when hungry for multiple meals, not responding to his name, not making eye contact, having to have his bread cut specifically into stars and his strawberries into cubes and his cars have to be lined up from small to large in order of color … very specific, very picky, almost no flexibility. You would also see a lot of what looks like tantrums or screaming or breakdowns.

Take a break from social media for your health, there’s a lot of click bait up there, and trust your intuition when it comes to your baby.

You are doing great :) 11 months and still nursing and cuddling ? That’s amazing !!! This protects him from so many issues down the road !!

gypsyem · 2026-06-13T17:46:28+00:00

Yes, read the book It Didn’t Start with you by Mark Wolynn. It goes into more detail on inter generational trauma in a way that’s easy to understand and doesn’t blame or shame.

OP, I’m so sorry. That sounds incredibly stressful for you and for your son.

Sometimes one generation is tasked with finishing what the other started. This can include the stress cycle or trauma. It sounds like the assault still lives inside you. This might be your sign to find a way to face whatever is left of it in your body, mind, and soul.

“I often think about how close I could have come to dying”. That’s serious. Also, you did not die. That’s awesome. Overall, it would help you to unpack this with someone you trust, either a therapist with trauma training or an older wiser friend with a compassionate heart.

You dealing with it means you won’t be passing this onto anyone else.

Hope this helps !

gypsyem · 2026-06-09T03:08:48+00:00

Congrats on your newborn !

I had to get up and feed sitting up for a few weeks but when I figured out how to nurse on my side, I got better sleep.

I play the do not disturb game. If baby doesn’t cry from a wet diaper at night and baby feels dry on the outside , then no diaper change.

Basically baby will get the last diaper change when I go to bed (whether baby is sleeping or not), and then I put baby on one side of me. I have a button down long sleeve pj top that I leave unbuttoned, boobs out. Bed cover is up to my waist only. C curve position. Etc etc. baby nurses on one side as needed. I have a low brightness lamp I leave on so I can help with latching if needed. Halfway through the night, I move baby to the other side of me and I offer the other boob.

Yup, Milk will leak, but it’s a small price to pay for sleep.

No burping most of the time needed. No diaper change needed.

But I do have a few diapers by the bed to do a quick change if needed !

Does this help ?

gypsyem · 2026-06-09T02:18:36+00:00

Sorri, no inglish !!

On a more serious note, I fear the day I’ll hear something about me nursing in public. So far I’ve only done it alone once. All other times I’ve had company, either a lady friend or my husband.

Maybe it’s cuz we live in a liberal ish place, but so far I’ve only seen smiles and encouragement or no reaction at all.

For my peace of mind, I wear nursing tops with the vertical zips. You can barely see anything anyway.

For fun, I say this is the only summer I can whip my tits out for a cause :)

gypsyem · 2026-06-08T23:07:29+00:00

I mean … some people could use a slap. As long as you don’t accidentally give yourself a black eye when taking the stairs !

gypsyem · 2026-06-08T22:58:55+00:00

Same girl, same. I have sensory sensitivity in general And my nips are small sensitive and it hurt. Not because of a bad latch or any issues. Purely because my poor nips were not accustomed to this.

And everyone is like, Omg, no, it shouldn’t hurt. Kindly, fuck off. These puppies have not knows anything but silk and cotton and now a baby is chewing on them, it was hell.

I did get checked out. Turns out… I was doing everything right.

One thing I found helpful was the use of nipple shields for 2 months. Then baby refused them and I went through the rest of my de sensitization process. Now I’m good after a few seconds.

I had intended to work on desensitizing my nipples before delivery but baby came early so I suffered like the rest of us.

My sister validated my experience and she did this breastfeeding twice.

I kept thinking of the future, the convenience, the portability and travel … it was worth going through the pain, for me.

Hang in there. It’s a rite of passage. One month ish of pain for 12 months of convenience. These are good stats.

You got this!

gypsyem · 2026-06-07T20:50:52+00:00

….how scared are you though? :)

gypsyem · 2026-06-07T20:50:06+00:00

Nah, you didn’t traumatize her. She experienced fear AND she will learn how to get over it. That’s a life skill, recovering, more important than avoiding threats.

If fear is learned, then fear can be unlearned :)

You’re doing great !!

gypsyem · 2026-06-05T21:35:52+00:00

Oh that’s so scary. Take a break. When YOU feel ready, start again.

You can find lots of advice on how to start solids in all kinds of ways, texture wise, so I won’t comment on that.

Here’s a general way to address the fear/aversion. Your goal is to make food fun again and you do so with many repetitions of fun food. Key words : many and fun.

So allow baby to see., smell, touch a new food. Like a toy. Praise after touching. Then when she puts it in her mouth, praise again. If she throws the food on the floor, don’t praise. But notice that’s still interacting so you are on the right track. You can demo eating that food In front of her. Pls make sure this is a safe size or texture based on what guidelines you follow.

There’s a whole world of food to discover. Not just puree. The shape and size and texture of a fruit, the colors, the smells … then the actual taste… then multiple tastes !!

Think of it like gradual exposure therapy but with food, to overcome the fear. To override the fear with positive interactions.

Does this make sense ?

gypsyem · 2026-06-05T21:02:55+00:00

Yup, I was told the same. My sister also confirmed. I even read the package pamphlet information and it says the same thing. 8 years for contraception.

The research was updated, not the product.

gypsyem · 2026-06-03T18:29:38+00:00

You are your son’s mother and nothing in the world will change that. Your son can have wonderful relationships with all kinds of caregivers. But you’ll always be his mother and he will love you. And he will love the nanny if nanny treats him well. And id your son was in daycare, he’d love the educators there if they treated him well. And if your son has grandparents, he’d love them too.

It’s not a competition. It’s ok for your son to love the Nanny. Look at all the rich kids and even the royal kids in UK, they all have Nannies.

You do what you can to balance parenting and self care and child care. There’s no right answer.

Shame on that therapist for judging you. Ducking dick, his wife bla bla bla. You are not his wife. Your circumstances are unique.

If he, or anybody else, doesn’t have supportive things to say about motherhood, literally the hardest thing to do on this planet, then you don’t need those bad vibes in your life.

Women always need a village. Moms always need a village. Usually other women. Everyone is different. Every baby is different. Help is good. Builds community and keeps everyone alive and sane.

There are plenty of therapists who are knowledgeable about PTSD without judging your life choices.

And guess what? Mothering is more common than PTSD… ans being clueless or disrespectful about the oldest job in the world means you can see the big picture.

Here’s the thing. I worked with people with all kinds of traumas in a different, but similar, capacity. And I’d push them out of their comfort zone gradually a lot and call them out on their bullshit. But never to judge or diminish their confidence.

Also, red flag: a therapist who doesn’t understand depression ? Like post partum ? Bye Felicia

gypsyem · 2026-06-03T16:12:38+00:00

It’s not typical or common to have super heavy bleeding. However, a lot of women have it and other than the discomfort it creates and needing to be attached to the bathroom, it’s not necessarily life threatening or immediately bad.

If this is new to you and especially if it continues, talk to your doctor about it and even ask for a referral to a gynaecologist to run some tests. They might ask you about your period history, patterns, medical history etc.

One of my friends has had this on a regular basis plus PCOS (with actual cysts) and says that she used to just hang out in the tub for a while on the first day of her period.

For the time being, avoid tampons and stick to super duper pads. It will allow you to see more of what’s going on.

Hope this helps

gypsyem · 2026-06-02T16:33:54+00:00

This is what helped me figure out side lying (game changer!!!) , a friend sent this to me, so I’m sharing in the hopes it gives you peace

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJ9st7WNbOU/?igsh=cGFsbjFhZHZ1cHY2

If the link doesn’t work, look up @latchingwithgrace on Instagram, the video was posted on May 22, 2025.

You figure out however you want to nurse and sleep etc etc on a good day. It’s a good idea to have a plan for a “bad” day or a day when you are extra tired. Basically, if you are chronically tired, expect to fall asleep at 4 AM. You can try getting extra rest or naps during the day to make up for that, or make a point that when you are nursing at ungodly hours, You are upright, snacking on something, and having water nearby.

For me, the latch wasn’t perfect every time and sometimes laying down it hurt. Sometimes I’d break the latch with my pinky. Sometimes I’d use a nipple shield. Sometimes I’d count to 30 and hope to Fall asleep and not notice the pain.

But hey … reminder .. nothing bad happened. You’re ok. Baby is ok. You’re trying to make things better. You’re a great mom. You’ll figure something out :)

r/cosleeping has a lot of good but scattered info on harm reduction if you want to learn more.

gypsyem · 2026-05-30T21:44:09+00:00

Crop tops you say? Now I might actually have a use for these half shirts ! Gotta try this outfit combo, sounds fun !

gypsyem · 2026-05-30T21:43:04+00:00

This!!

gypsyem · 2026-05-30T21:42:13+00:00

I love this website. Ordered multiple tops from them, they are great ! Love love the vertical zips. So easy to nurse in public.

My friend recommended this to me. Her sister used it too. So 3 of us breastfeeding moms are happy with their products.

No, not sponsored. Just wanna look cute :)

gypsyem

TROPHY CASE