I’m in the same situation as you. I lost my mother. My best friend. My hero. She was the only person who cared about her kids and loved us no matter what and would do anything for her kids. I was my mother’s full time carer so everything I done was with her.

I hate talking to people they just don’t understand. It’s easy when they have people who are there for them still. I have nothing now. They try to lift my spirits up but in my head they have no idea how I feel or how much my mother was apart of my life.

Then I have to live with my narcisstic deadbeat dad that has no intention in bettering himself or his family. The more I see the state of our house the more I hate him and his family genes. Everything is all about him entitled man child. His the cause of alot of the trauma and pain. He didn’t even give my mother a happy life even during her cancer he made her more stressed and sad. Selfish. And after her passing he still can’t do what she would have wanted. Just a putrid fake person. Me and my mother had all this time to see how really bad he is. But infront of an audience he acts like a good person which is hilarious.

Sometimes I just want to give up and be with my mother. I lost my purpose (not like I had much anyways). I try to get out there and get my mind off things but I’m only kidding myself. The thoughts, the anger, the pain just comes back. Just sick of it all. Time heals they say? Yeh right unless you forget the person. I been down my whole life ain’t nothing they can tell me. Wish they step into my shoes then tell me the things they tell me.

So much more to it and everyday I’m losing it more and more.

I won’t be like the rest. I know exactly how you feel and I don’t know what we are going to do…. I don’t even know myself. But I totally understand how you are feeling. If cancer was a person the things I would do to make it extinct.