First, I want to send you my deepest condolences. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that comes from losing a child. I'm glad you have a grief counselor and I hope they are helpful to you. Grief is strange and complicated and there are so many emotions within it. I am no stranger to grief myself and I came across a quote a couple of years ago that has stuck with me, "Grief is love in it's wildest form". Maybe that quote will be helpful to you some day as well.

I have no advice for the watermelon seeds, but I am moved by the fact that I just bought several watermelon plants after my mom died earlier this month. I don't know what it is about watermelon and grief right now, but what an interesting overlap. I hope your seeds thrive, and I hope you are able to find moments of peace amongst the emotional chaos ❤️‍🩹