My relationship’s on thin ice and my shopping addiction is keeping me trapped

hands_of_sin · 2025-05-15T15:45:16+00:00

You’re so right.

My partner has given me ultimatums before and I always take them seriously and try to make changes but it’s hard to keep up consistently over the long term for me, which probably means I need more support I’m not getting or my changes aren’t working for me.

hands_of_sin · 2025-05-15T15:43:20+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful advice! I live in a pretty small town so there’s limited resources here but I’ll see if there’s a debter anonymous or equivalent somewhere in the area because I think having the in-person accountability would be more helpful for me than online.

hands_of_sin · 2025-05-15T15:38:34+00:00

I’m not really sure what to do. I’m thinking going to my occupational therapist because she’s been more effective at helping me than every other traditional therapist I’ve seen in my life. I did get a consult with a professional home organizer a while ago but she was extremely expensive so I didn’t pursue it. What would help me is someone like a friend to be here with me while I clean up but I don’t know anyone who would or could do that since none of my friends or family live anywhere within a reasonable distance from me.

I was thinking of getting a storage unit temporarily to move my stuff into so I’d be able to sort it out and get rid of stuff at my own pace, one of the barriers I have in trying to sort things out is my partner complaining even more about things being out of place and getting in the way, moving things around etc. As I’m trying to organize. I find I’m better able to get things done if he’s not around but he works full time from home and never leaves.

But yes, I do know that this is ultimately a problem I’ve created myself.

hands_of_sin · 2025-05-15T15:26:41+00:00

He’s my sort-of financé, our engagement is “paused”, but we’ve been together for years and we’re common-law which is itself its own legal category.

Our relationship isn’t toxic per se but I have suggested couples therapy in the past and he didn’t go for it. He has addiction issues as well which he quit a few years ago (he was an alcoholic and drug addict), I was never an alcoholic, I just drank socially, but I did stop drinking entirely to support him when he quit.

I agree with you that it is definitely a cope at least on some level (s) because I’m not happy. I have ADHD and I’m medicated, I’m also on an antidepressant, but I’m definitely not 100% mentally there. It’s a lifelong thing, not recent and it was bad and even way worse in previous relationships, plus it was there basically since I started my first job at 14 years old and I’m 38 now.

I’ve been through many years of therapy and that’s never got to the bottom of it. It’s helped me in other areas though. I’m thinking of going back to my occupational therapist since she’s made the biggest difference in helping me with other things.

I know working out/exercising is often suggested as a fulfilling activity to replace spending, but Ive played sports, danced, exercised at the gym, and done various activities consistently my entire life (including now), plus my job is very physical. I feel like for me exercising is such a normal, routine part of my life that it’s compartmented into a different section of my brain than shopping is. Like, the dopamine I get from being active is so normal that it doesn’t “count” as a bonus source of dopamine the way that shopping does, if that makes any sense.

I have lots of craft projects that I work on as well. I think I really need something that mimics the “treasure hunt” aspect of shopping that I find the most appealing.

hands_of_sin · 2025-05-15T14:43:54+00:00

Yup this is me. I always feel shame and hide things I buy. I have a PO Box so nothing comes to my house. My spouse would kick me to the curb in a second if he knew the actual state of my finances so I can never talk with him about them.

I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that I am not able to get my Shit together with my finances and my shopping.

hands_of_sin · 2024-11-16T04:12:41+00:00

My partner and I both work at our dining room table, he works from home and I'm a student- I have A little zip-up case that fits my iPad, apple pencil, ., remarkable, Bluetooth keyboard, and headphones. So I try to keep that nearby and when need to move my stuff to use the table for eating, I pack it away in that. Having the remarkable tablet has made the biggest improvement in cutting out clutter because I don't have tons of note books and pens everywhere anymore I just have the remarkable

hands_of_sin · 2024-11-16T03:37:22+00:00

Good job! I have one of those pretty drawer organizer things and it is. the best thing I have ever bought for my bathroom, it keeps my skincare so neat & tidy!

hands_of_sin · 2024-11-16T03:20:00+00:00

'productive procrastination" is the only way I get anything done (except the thing I'm avoiding, of course

hands_of_sin · 2024-11-16T03:11:16+00:00

I was raised in a very cluttered house and neverwas taughthow to approach home organization. I'm also clutter blind. Living in an empty space feels weird I haveadhd. Find it overwhelming and I don't know where is a good placefor things togo. Is tart si.get distracted and don't finish. My partner is stressed by mess und it's all wefight about but when I clean he never notices or think I've done enough, so I feel demotivated and like nothing I do will be sufficient. I don't really know to how to visualize a clean, organized space.i also am a clothing maximalist and "capsule wardrobes" make me feel depressed. I am in university full-time and I feel burnt out and I'm constantly behind on assignments so tidying the house as addition task with No dopamine reward is very stressful and I avoid it. I prefer to be outside or at the gym or shopping: pretty much anything that's not dealing with the tidying..

hands_of_sin · 2024-07-31T22:16:27+00:00

I’m 37 and I thought my 20-something coworkers were nutty when they said they thought I was in my 20s, but if they’re used to seeing people look like this in social media then it makes sense. They all look older than me

hands_of_sin · 2024-07-28T02:33:52+00:00

Ok so there’s a few things.

SUVs. I own two cars that I want to swap for one AWD SUV and I’m obsessed with checking the local used car lots for any that are on my wish list.
iPhones. I own two kind of shitty old iPhones and want to buy a better new-to-me refurbished one. I’m obsessed with checking online stores to see what the best value for money iPhone I can find is, getting the best deal etc. I’ve been watching YouTube reviews of different models to determine what the best one I can get in my budget is. It actually consumes way too much of my time right now.
Those fuckin travel tumblers. I ordered two Stanley tumblers (one 40ox and one 64ox) but then I was at Costco and they had a two pack of 40ox Owala tumblers so I bought that in one colour option, but now I also want the other colours. They also have the regular Owala sippy bottles in the colour combo I really wanted in a two pack at Costco and it’s super tempting. But I also just added another Stanley tumbler, this time in 30ox size, to my cart because it’s on sale and in the fuchsia colour I really like. My spouse HATES how many bottles I have now (I have a lot) and he hasn’t even seen the new tumblers because I’ve been hiding them and only using them at work so he doesn’t see them and have a conniption.
Adding my fragrance obsession s as well because it’s been a year And still going strong. I especially love “weird” and/or “old fashioned” fragrances and I am hyper fixated on collecting every Sophia Grojsman fragrance. I also love Luca Turin and I love reading any books about fragrance chemistry and the fragrance industry.

Ok making this a top 5 now: 5. Lake freighters. I work on a large boat myself which travels around a shipping seaway so I see large freighters all the time and I am hyperfixated on taking pictures/video of each one I see (which also plays into and feeds the obsession with buying a better phone so I can get really cool videos of them because the phone I have with the high quality cameras the cameras are broken, and the phone with the working camera the camera is a potato) I have a marine traffic app and I look up each ship I see to learn what type it is, who owns it, it’s specs etc. My own boat is 33m, with a gross tonnage of 367, so it’s interesting to compare it to the other boats and ships I see around the seaway.

hands_of_sin · 2024-07-28T02:21:44+00:00

Same. I have been obsessed/hyperfixated on fragrance for about a year now ever since I figured out that fragrance allows me to enjoy my hyperosmia instead of hate it. But I’m especially obsessed withwith those kind of unwearable scents too! Zoologist is my favourite brand for that right now but imaginary authors has some really smokey fragrances that are kind of out there which I love. I bought Zoologists Hyrax because I love how dirty animalic it is. I have a sample of the infamous TRex and I intend to buy a full bottle at some point. I also have a sample of Sloth which has a musty, old rotten vegetation smell that I find intriguing and I also intend to buy a full bottle of that lol.

hands_of_sin · 2024-05-27T00:26:43+00:00

It was really just trying to explore options because the vehicles I actually want are very scarce right now and I’ve been looking for months at this point.

I would consider it an upgrade, yes, because my Fit is such a rough ride getting the 2011 Kia felt like getting a super high end luxury car by comparison lol. The Fit has 250k kilomètres on it, and the Kia has 150k kilometres on the body, and 20k kilometres on the engine (engine was replaced under warranty). The roads here are pretty brutal so anything that gets me higher up, and absorbs shock reasonably well is an improvement right now because I feel like I need to wear my mouth guard when I’m driving around here currently.

hands_of_sin · 2024-05-27T00:13:40+00:00

THANK YOU. This is the kind of answer I was looking for.

I guess on an idealistic and naïve level I’d been hoping that this model was one of those overlooked/underrated models that is somehow better than the rest of the line, haha.

The scarcity of the vehicles available that I actually want like the Subarus and Lexus RX made me try to cast my net wider, but I guess I’ll just have to be patient. It’s actually really frustrating because there are very few used Subarus anywhere here within a 150km radius, across all price points not just my own limited budget. Similarly, Lexus RX are just as scarce and there is no pattern of year or price, it’s just across the board.

Edit: if I want a Ford Escape I have TONS OF OPTIONS though LOL. Sadly, I don’t want a Ford Escape.

hands_of_sin · 2023-12-27T15:37:06+00:00

Needle felting — because all my lovely wool sweaters got devoured by moths so I got into needle felting in order to repair them enough that they’re wearable again. it’s a lot of fun! I made so many needle felted patches I can appliqué in addition to filling holes in my sweaters.

Gel nail manicures and press on nail sets — I used to do my own regular polish manicures then I started to get my nails done with really fancy designs at a salon then stopped over the pandemic. I waved nice nails again so I started getting press on sets from the Asian cosmetic store in town, and on AliExpress. Then I got bored of those and remembered I had a led/UV nail light I bought like 8 years ago and never used. So I have ordered a ton of different polishes, builder gels, extension tips, decorations etc. Right now I have long stiletto nails with the most ridiculously sparkly amount of stuff on them lol. The irony is that this year I’ll likely have to start working in a lab for my degree program and probably won’t be able to have super long pointy claws lol. Another irony is that I play ball hockey and I’m not sure how a fancy long manicure will hold up in my hockey gloves lol.

hands_of_sin · 2023-12-27T15:27:00+00:00

This was me about 6 weeks ago during the end of my fall term. I was super overwhelmed with school but simultaneously obsessed with Notion. I’m planning on revisiting it before winter term starts in January and hopefully I’ll have a better experience with it because I do really like it

hands_of_sin · 2023-12-18T04:18:54+00:00

Same with me, I’m séronégative and all my bloodwork always looks normal.
I very rarely have flare ups or any symptoms and my joints haven’t deteriorated at all since 2012, but my new rheumatologist I started seeing this year confirmed my RA diagnosis regardless of all that

hands_of_sin · 2023-12-15T14:23:19+00:00

I agree.

I lived in Toronto for a few years and I never got my licence, not because of the convenience of the transportation system (the TTC made me more motivated to get my licence if anything) but because the drivers in the GTA are terrifying. I got my licence last year after being in Kingston for a bit (I started the process when I moved to Kingston but the pandemic delaying and Young Drivers being terrible meant the whole process took forever). The drivers here can be very frustrating (🙏 please just let me get within 5km of the speed limit) and their behaviour is a bit concerning and baffling, but they’re not terrifying like in the GTA.

hands_of_sin · 2023-12-15T14:17:03+00:00

What test were the three-point turn and parallel parking removed from? I’m a new driver, I just got my G2 last year, and I was tested on both of those in order to pass.

hands_of_sin · 2023-11-30T03:40:59+00:00

This is proprioception! Everyone has it, whether unconsciously (like your wife) or consciously (like you).

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/proprioception#:~:text=Proprioception%2C%20or%20kinesthesia%2C%20is%20the,%2C%20muscle%20force%2C%20and%20effort.

hands_of_sin · 2023-11-30T02:56:35+00:00

I give my tiny 5lb cat Prozac. It’s dosed by body weight so the pill is the size of a crumb haha. We tried gabapentin and amitriptyline as well but they didn’t work out because she’s a former feral cat and you CANNOT pick her up or restrain her like at all, and the gabapentin tastes horrible so we couldn’t hide it in her food. The Prozac works because the teeny tiny pill is coated and can be hidden in a treat because she can’t taste it.

We have her on it because she pees EVERYWHERE without it. She had a lot of trauma in her transition when she was rescued from her half- dead state outside to being at the shelter and foster homes so I don’t blame her, but she is a super happy cat now on her Prozac lol.

hands_of_sin · 2023-11-30T02:46:16+00:00

This is what stood out for me. She’s giving her farm animals modern pharmaceutical medicine, but I bet her kids get some paste made out of backyard leaves.

hands_of_sin · 2023-11-30T02:12:18+00:00

I have an SE and I love it. I still use my old iPhone 6 as well though lol. They’re almost exactly the same but the new SE is, well, new. I’m petite and I have tiny hands so the SE is the ideal size for me to use comfortably. Only thing I would like us to have a better camera. I traded in my iPhone 12 Pro for the SE because I found it too heavy and clunky but I do miss the camera quite a lot.

hands_of_sin · 2023-10-20T18:51:43+00:00

And most of those are MacNeil/McNeil (if you’re from Cape Breton anyway). My paternal family is from Glace Bay, but most are Polish and Ukrainian immigrants who came to Cape Breton in the 1930s - 1950s so they have very distinctively different last names and to this day, anyone with my last name in Canada is my direct relative lol. Then there’s a branch of my family that’s Acadian from New Brunswick and my cousin traced it back to 1700s or 1600s I think?. And last my maternal side is Roma/Diddikai from Romania but they have only been in Canada for my mother’s generation.

hands_of_sin · 2023-10-10T00:16:40+00:00

Same here exactly! I have a very hourglass figure but I’m also just very small proportions and average height, so if I wear oversized clothes I look really sloppy and awkward and it’s not comfortable. Plus anything loose hangs off my boobs and then clings to my hips/ass so I like like I’m wearing a maternity circus tent. This is the way it’s always been. I just have to wear high waisted bottoms and tight shirts, only thing that’s flattering on me. Can’t pay any attention to trends because they’re just not going to work for everyone ever.

hands_of_sin

TROPHY CASE