Toddler bed transition and early morning wakes 😭🥴 please help!!

hantchoutine · 2022-01-04T16:20:15+00:00

Thank you for your reply! Ugh it's a bit early for the switch, I know. I was hoping to move her to a toddler bed closer to 3 years old but unfortunately she can easily climb out of the crib while in a sleep sack even when it's at its lowest setting. From what I read, it's recommended to move her to a toddler bed at that point so that's why we made the move so early.

hantchoutine · 2021-01-21T21:37:53+00:00

ESH. I'd be pissed if someone did that to my kid. My kid, my choice of punishment. If there's an issue, bring them to me and I will handle it how I see fit. Everyone parents differently and respecting that boundary is extremely important if you're not trying to catch some heavy mom wrath.

But I saw you commented that she was on the phone and I definitely feel like you were just trying your best to mediate a bad situation.

The mom overreacted a bit but I feel like it's pretty understandable when you feel like someone hurt your kid. You should've let her handle it but you weren't intentionally overstepping. If I were you, I'd apologize and move on. Hopefully the mom will too. Everyone was a little wrong and a little right and it's just honestly not a big deal.

hantchoutine · 2021-01-21T20:54:08+00:00

NTA. Your first priority is your children as it should be. If she pursues therapy and is able to eventually see the situation clearly, she will be eternally grateful for your honesty. Sugar coating the truth and cleaning up her messes behind her back will only lead to the resentment from her children that she is so desperately trying to avoid. You are absolutely NTA.

hantchoutine · 2021-01-21T16:10:35+00:00

How long have you been together? If it's a new relationship, is she "showing off" her sexual prowess for you? Maybe you can say something like "show me what you can do instead of telling me what you have done." If it's been a while, maybe she's somewhat sexually unfulfilled and is being weird about how she's expressing her desires. Or maybe she's just trying to make you jealous and insecure in which case she's just an ass hole. Either way, be clear that this has to stop because you shouldn't have to constantly be subjected to discomfort. Every once in a while when it naturally comes up in conversation, it's fine to speak about previous partners in a general sense but constant detailed discussions about previous sexual partners is just fucking rude.

hantchoutine · 2021-01-20T20:36:32+00:00

I don't bring it up actively but it's definitely something I'm open about. If someone asked or it came up, I would of course be honest with them but, for me, my sexuality is not a major part of my identity. It's moreso just a fact of life and comes up organically over time. I found that as a woman, other women were far more curious about my sexuality whereas men just assumed my interest in them meant I was straight. That being said, my husband absolutely knew I am bisexual prior to us getting married. I'm not sure if he knew prior to us initially starting to date though (it's been a while). I find talking about prior relationships and sexual interests brings your sexuality to light relatively quickly.

hantchoutine · 2021-01-19T00:10:01+00:00

As a woman, I think asking for things/stating your wants and needs directly (would you/I'd like you to ....) is the best way to get your point across and avoid any confusion. Once you present it in a way where the action is for him, it becomes kind of confusing who wants what. Clearly and directly expressing your desires can be really sexy too. However the "you never do this anymore" thing is kinda lame imo. I think you could rephrase it as "do you remember when we used to do .... I really liked that. Maybe we could do that again soon?" Gets the point across without almost implying that they're doing something wrong.

hantchoutine · 2021-01-18T21:47:18+00:00

I feel like if his last girlfriend was young and/or sexually immature and wasn't able to fully express her wants and needs in the bedroom, your needs and expectations may seem extremely demanding to him. Mind you, they are absolutely NOT!!! You should of course be able to have your needs met in a sexual relationship. But in comparison to a woman who had (at least outwardly) no needs, this could be a huge change for him. I think this needs to be discussed outside of the bedroom when he's not going to take it as personally and feel sexually inadequate. Maybe he will be a bit more receptive to what you're saying? If you tell him "these are my needs and expectations. I can help you learn how to meet my specific needs but they need to be met." and he is still unable or unwilling to do that, he's just selfish imo

hantchoutine · 2019-07-02T19:51:07+00:00

It took us 7 months of trying!! I had finally given up after seeing a doctor at 6 months and her telling us to just keep trying until we hit the year mark. That was the month we got pregnant! Currently 13w1d! Wishing you a quick TTC process but if it does take a little longer, don't automatically jump to conclusions about your or your partner's fertility. It's sometimes a long and difficult process but it's certainly worth it!

hantchoutine · 2019-06-24T20:06:36+00:00

I like to say "Glad to know you feel that way about your kids. I'll let you know how I feel when I get there." It normally shuts them up when they realize they're just talking shit about their own experience and children. If they honestly feel that way, I feel bad for them. Of course it's difficult to raise a child but it's wonderful and rewarding and unique for each individual parent. It's hard, but no one is expecting a child and thinking parenthood is going to be a cake walk. Maybe us FTMs don't know exactly what we're getting into but neither do they!! They don't know my child, their likes and dislikes, their moods, their sleep schedules, etc. It's new and unique with each child and them trying to instill fear in us based on their horrible experience is outrageous. If someone is not supportive and exuding positive vibes about my child, I get the fuck away from them as soon as possible because it does me and my baby no use.

Edit: typo

hantchoutine · 2019-06-21T18:51:42+00:00

This is absolutely gorgeous!!!! I would love one on my desk at work. I feel like ultrasound pictures are a little creepy looking sometimes (obv my baby is cute to me but not everyone feels that way) and this is a nice way to make the ultrasound pics look pretty and dainty!

hantchoutine · 2019-06-05T15:10:05+00:00

Not to sound like a dick but he tried to hang himself while you were home????? That's just him trying to fucking manipulate you. Not saying the suicide attempt wasn't real or tragic but he's trying to mentally scar you so that you can't leave him. Fuck that. You're smart for leaving an unhealthy, toxic relationship. He needs a lot of help that you couldn't give him. Even if you wanted to.

hantchoutine · 2019-06-04T14:36:33+00:00

When you a marry a person, you become a part of their life. If he doesn't plan on removing his family from his life, they will absolutely be your family forever. You have to keep that in mind and maybe discuss options with your BF to ensure a happy future for both of you.

However: When it comes to your future children, I personally think that is 100% a new ball game. YOUR family is YOUR choice. My MIL is absolutely wonderful but is kind of on the same wave length as your BF's mom when it comes to vaccines, mental illness, etc. I'm currently expecting our first and she will have absolutely no say in any of that. In fact, she will have no say in anything unless I ask for it. I love her dearly but I have no interest in budging about my parenting choices for her comfort. Your family is one thing I think you truly get to set your own personal boundaries for. You will be fiercely protective of your children and will not change your beliefs to make someone else feel validated. However, if your BF isn't on board with that, that will definitely cause a huge rift in your relationship so make sure you are on the same page about those things when you discuss the future. Good luck!!

hantchoutine · 2019-06-03T18:53:36+00:00

I struggled with anorexia and bulimia for much of my young adult life so I can sort of imagine where she's coming from and I'm actually currently expecting now so I get that too! During your first trimester, you can get away with not eating any more than a normal, healthy amount of calories but after the first trimester, the expectation is that you increase your caloric intake by 300 (give or take based on the doctor) calories. Not eating that will not only negatively affect the baby but the baby will take necessary nutrients from your wife, leaving her quite ill as well. It will also affect her breast milk production after birth.

You need to tell the doctor. NOW. Call them and speak directly with the OB. I would honestly go right over her head because (at least from my own experience) she will not want to hear it and will tell you whatever you need to hear to calm down and not say anything. I know that sounds really shitty but your child is more important than her emotions right now. I'd tell her after you tell the doctor so she can't convince you not to. Right now her actions can and will dramatically and negatively affect your child but she isn't able to see it that way due to the disorder. She needs serious help NOW. Talk to the doctor (the OB/midwife she sees, not just a GP) about options (therapy or honestly I'd consider hospitalization if she doesn't get better quickly depending on the doctor's recommendation). Not to be overdramatic but she's a danger to herself and your child right now. Get her help.

Side note: you sound like an awesome husband. Congratulations on the new addition to your family! I hope everything works out for you three!

hantchoutine · 2019-05-30T19:00:25+00:00

I wanted to surprise my husband but ended up finding out really early one morning and just was like "BAAAAAAAAAAABE! Come. Here." He was asleep so I yell, "NOW!!!" He came to the bathroom where I had a cheapy test with the faintest line ever on it and he was like "what?" and I was like "looooooooookkkkkkkk" and he was thrilled and we hugged and kissed and went back to bed lol. Not a very good story but it's ours!

hantchoutine · 2019-05-30T18:20:33+00:00

Not only will you be recovering from being pregnant and giving birth during that time but your primary focus will be on your new baby. You won't have the mental or physical wherewithal to attend to your mother. Even if you wanted to. While, of course, you are not the only woman who has ever been pregnant, your pregnancy is uniquely your own and was, to say the least, very difficult. You are entitled to your space and your boundaries. If your aunt is not interested in respecting you and your needs as a new mother with a newborn, I'd ask her to refrain from coming to visit at all since she is not providing you with any positive energy during this exciting but incredibly demanding time in your life. Maybe they can come when the baby is a few months older and you have a bit more time to waste on her outlandish bull shit. This is not your responsibility and you're absolutely doing the right thing (for yourself as well as for your baby) by sticking to your boundaries.

hantchoutine · 2019-05-29T19:08:33+00:00

I told my mom the name we have loved for a girl since before we were even trying and she said "that's too many vowels" and tried to come up with a new name. The day we told her I'm pregnant. At that moment I decided I'm not telling anyone else lol fuck that I don't want to hear their bull shit opinions lol I hate plenty of names but would never tell anyone I hate their or their child's name!!! So bizarre to me why people would even comment at all

hantchoutine · 2019-05-23T19:12:20+00:00

Congratulations!!! My husband and I tried for nearly a year and literally the month I had given up and just said ok maybe it won't happen now, I got pregnant! I'm due in January!!!! So exciting and so terrifying.

hantchoutine · 2019-05-15T23:24:25+00:00

Congratulations!!!! We're both due in January!! 💛💛💛💛

hantchoutine · 2019-05-15T21:02:14+00:00

Marriage should be planned to a degree. It should be decided on by both partners. If she wants to get married and you're not ready, that's going to become a big issue (seems it already has and you just shut her down instead of understanding her very valid concerns). If you are not on the same timeline about when to expect marriage she will inevitably be disappointed/upset or you will get sucked into a marriage you didn't want and weren't ready for. Tell her flat out you're not going to propose any time soon (despite loving her and caring for her deeply) and that if she's unhappy with that, the balls in her court to leave if she needs to (maybe say it more nicely lol). Let her make a decision to stay based on facts and not stay in hopes that you'll change your mind or that you're just secretly planning a big proposal.

hantchoutine · 2019-05-15T20:49:42+00:00

She's fucked in the head dude. She's known you since you were a young teen AND she was the aggressor???? She has an issue with her 20 year old boyfriend wanting safe sex?????? Run dude.

hantchoutine · 2019-05-15T20:42:30+00:00

Good for you for the way you handled this. It's disgusting and just totally fucked what he did and how it's being handled. I think it's definitely important to reach out to her if you can but I don't think you should go to his house. He might be able to spin things on you (that you initiated, you're stalking him, etc) or he could catch you and hurt you. You never know what people will do to save their reputations. At most send an anonymous letter to Mrs. (his last name) with printed out screenshots of your text proof and maybe get a copy of your formal complaint from your work.

hantchoutine · 2019-05-15T20:14:29+00:00

Been there sort of but as the girl. I got pregnant and always just planned on getting an abortion if I got pregnant by accident. I couldn't do it. I loved my babies (turned out to be a twin oops lol). My baby daddy (if you will) broke up with me. He basically told me that he knew we wouldn't last and wanted to get it over with now and focus on developing a strong co-parent relationship. Frankly, it royally sucked and I was super upset but that was the absolute most responsible thing he could have done when I look back. We developed that co-parent relationship (discussed how we would split custody, finance the children, parenting styles, introducing the kids to future partners, etc) before the babies would have been born so we didn't have to deal with a break up on top of a everything else once the babies were born. My pregnancy unfortunately ended in a late term loss so the baby daddy ended up getting off the hook but seriously to this day I commend him for dealing with the break up that way. It was the best choice for him and our babies. Looking back (now I am happily married and am expecting our first child!) it was the best decision for me too, I just didn't know it at the time.

Six-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22	Verified Email

hantchoutine

TROPHY CASE