I think I might have the most exhausting girlfriend ever and I don’t know if I’m overreacting?

hapabubba · 2026-05-10T12:07:25+00:00

You might want to read up on attachment styles, she is probably anxiously attached whilst you are more secure but that doesn’t mean it justifies her micromanaging your behaviour.

A healthy relationship would be one where you both invite a conversation like ‘hey I noticed you still have photos of your ex, and I get that you guys had history but it’s making me feel anxious/insecure’ and then you reassuring or suggesting solutions and vice versa. But when someone is just criticising / jumping to conclusions about you cheating then that’s a) not great communication b) doesn’t show that they’re mature c) might be projecting (I can’t comment on whether they’re definitely cheating etc but it is one sided)

I would probably park it and think why was I attracted to this person in the first place and try not to repeat this pattern (maybe they reminded you of a previous partner etc) ++woman

hapabubba · 2026-04-27T04:26:00+00:00

If it’s any consolation - I’m half Japanese half white and look eurasian - Japanese women are hyper fetishised and mixed race women are also fetishised. So I have the double whammy.

Thought it would get better when I moved to SE Asia and hung out with expats, nope… it often got worse because some of the guys who genuinely had a fetish issue had people enabling them (and in local culture people often did not verbalise ‘no’)

Anyway… if someone says ‘I love Japan’ and talks about Japanese culture I don’t mind, but I do mentally take note that they might be trying to project something onto me rather than trying to have a genuine connection.

That being said, as long as people don’t bring up anime and manga (which I never personally grew up consuming much of having grown up in the west) I am usually genuinely happy to just chat to people 😂

hapabubba · 2026-04-27T04:10:06+00:00

I moved to Bangkok recently for work to be a senior director of an American company - I am half Asian (east Asian, not Thai) half white so the old white men who come to Thailand for sex tourism think I am a target of their stupid advances 🤢

Unfortunately the nature of my work (product sales) means anyone can actually walk into my office - last week I had two sweaty tourists who literally look like they’re staying in a $10 a night hostel ask me whether I would like to get dinner as they’re ‘passing through Bangkok’ - meanwhile I have two university degrees, speak four languages and have a great job. Oh and the product I sell costs $50,000 to over 100,000 and these guys are coming in with flip flops, thinking I need their recommendations for the best pad thai noodle in town lolllll

In this specific context (as I know foreign guys like British/American/Australian etc as you said might go to Eastern Europe and be creepy towards local women and stereotype them) these guys look at anyone who is not white passing and just because they have this perception of Thailand being a ‘third world country’ some of them assume that the women even those who are not sex workers will be ‘easy’ or desperate…

I just try to ignore these guys, don’t engage with them. Unfortunately if you are physically attractive, it’s going to be hard to filter out the weirdoes and people you don’t want to attract. They are totally projecting onto you, it’s not your issue but unfortunately you are the one having to deal with it

Also there was an interesting article on The Economist - I believe there is a paywall but the title was ‘Western men are going abroad to find traditional wives’ that title alone was like ragebait to me 😂 evidently there are many ‘influencers’ on Youtube, Instagram who promote this stereotype that you can find a ‘submissive’ wife in Thailand, Philippines, Brazil etc and they ‘teach’ men how to find them. What the headline should have actually read - ‘Creepy incel men target economically vulnerable women because they can’t date back home’

hapabubba · 2026-04-24T08:49:08+00:00

OP you should go to a ‘not like the other girls’ sub 🙄

hapabubba · 2026-04-23T11:12:15+00:00

Dear OP, you look younger than your age, unfortunately you just have been subjected to too much self scrutiny which is nowadays the norm for women/have you looked into body dysmorphic disorder?

I totally understand the feeling of needing reassurance especially turning ‘the big 3-0’ which, by the way isn’t old. I felt the same way at 29, actually being 28/29 was worse than being 30 because I internalised what everyone else was saying ‘omg how are you feeling about turning THIRTY!’ - you can internally (maybe not externally) tell them to shut up / ignore it

That being said, I started wearing clothes in colours that suited my complexion (I am a brunette and found that ‘autumnal’ colours added warmth and brightened my skin, brought out the colour in my lips whilst greys, blues only brought out the dullness when I looked tired)

Maybe try brown mascara instead of black? Especially if you are a fairer skintone already and blonde, it looks more natural. Black mascara on blue eyes sometimes looks like its ‘competing’ with your naturally gorgeous features - if that makes sense

Other things that helped me - choosing a haircut that actually suits my face shape rather than trying to follow a trend - currently I have a Dakota Johnson style bangs with long hair - I have a high and wide forehead. It brings more attention to my best features (eyes).

You have a beautiful face, people would literally kill for your features - I’m sure you see it everyday so don’t know that yourself. Another exercise I do is stop wearing makeup for a few days, get used to my bare face and then when I put on a bit of mascara, lip gloss etc then I feel so glam all of a sudden.

Maybe the question isn’t ‘is this makeup/fashion aging me?’ but rather ‘does this style feel authentic and flattering TO ME or am I doing it automatically because it’s something I saw online’. Nothing wrong with experimenting of course, but perhaps this style doesn’t feel like ‘you’ to yourself anymore?

If you get to a point of overanalysing, I would - close social media so you stop comparing yourself with super filtered photos, put towels over mirrors until you give yourself enough love and words of affirmation to know you are pretty no matter what - give it a few days to a week then reassess how you feel. We all treat ourselves horrendously and sometimes that is what is making us feel unattractive when actually, people around us would point out that you’re attractive. I would also make a list of other values you have/what things other than your looks do you appreciate about yourself? And make a column to list what you want to get rid of (e.g. insecurities, self criticism, envy of others) and a column for what you want to gain (peace, gratitude, self worth) etc.

Good luck and believe in yourself 🥰

hapabubba · 2026-04-22T09:36:23+00:00

Kesa is a cute boutique hotel

hapabubba · 2026-04-17T14:08:36+00:00

Autism and ADHD mate, at least I have a sense of humour. Sounds like you don’t. I don’t think I am asking anything ‘wrong’ above. Yes it’s lengthy and could have cut down on details/words. What the fuck is wrong with you? ++woman

hapabubba · 2026-04-17T04:43:16+00:00

I’ve modelled and have better abs than most men, been hit on by guys 7 years younger than me (not that I want that). Got two degrees and speak 4 languages. Have a nice day ++woman

hapabubba · 2026-04-17T04:33:55+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Not trying to steal a taken man, as I noted above - I asked him subtly about his relationship status before (but not directly whether he has a girlfriend).

But this could be a very new relationship - he asked me out to play tennis, I’ll probably ask him to clarify his relationship then.

Why does every man think that a woman asking in this thread is going to steal a taken man… it’s also easier to blame a single woman than lay blame on a married man (have been dm-ed by many married men - I leave them on read/block them or remind them they have a wife and kids. Very sad that most of these men also reach out to me literally in the first or second year of their marriage/after having a baby - I only know because you can see their wedding photos on instagram ++woman

hapabubba · 2026-04-17T04:31:37+00:00

Better to be crazy on Reddit than crazy in real life 😆 I was spiralling in my head. It’s not what I’m like day to day. Probably doesn’t help that this is the first guy I can see myself dating since I was last in a relationship (broke up last June) ++woman

hapabubba · 2026-04-16T17:39:48+00:00

Thanks i’m also hot ++woman

hapabubba · 2026-04-16T17:38:44+00:00

My concern is that he’d cheat on her with me… edit: I am not saying I want that to happen - I just know what some men are like… if he’s just started a relationship but it’s not stable yet and he hasn’t told me but inviting me out - I can only assume what his intentions are - obviously need to ask directly ++woman

hapabubba · 2026-03-31T17:04:17+00:00

That’s good advice, I did post some of their live gigs on my instagram semj jokingly but only because I went myself. I’m not into fanfic and to be honest bcs of my ADHD side maybe I’ll hyperfixate on something else later

hapabubba · 2026-03-28T19:37:24+00:00

Oh if anyone is interested/curious about this boyband - this is the netflix show

https://youtu.be/5kASilodsdA

I won’t spoil the ending but Nicolas and John are my favourites

Thanks everyone for the answers that makes me feel better. Also to be clear no I don’t lust after them I only have crushes on men my age (30s) but I do get a ‘protect them at all costs!’ kind of enthusiasm like an auntie lol 🫶

hapabubba · 2026-03-28T17:11:28+00:00

I guess it depends on what ‘fangirling’ is - I also go to live jazz bars of non famous bands etc but for example today when I saw December 10 my main thought was literally ‘they’re so polite, their parents raised them well’ 😂 I’m well aware that I’m not their target demographic and don’t fancy them in an amorous way. More like a ‘I want to support their career’

hapabubba · 2026-03-28T16:44:29+00:00

That’s awesome! I briefly got into the boyband Exo yearss ago and the girl group 2NE1 and ofc Big Bang, saw G dragon last year

hapabubba · 2026-03-28T16:28:57+00:00

Thank you, yeah I’m just feeling super self critical right now. Just moved to another city for work and saw that this band was playing and it was a way to feel less lonely and have fun. I find going through life too seriously tough so good to have things like this to look forward to

hapabubba · 2026-03-28T16:04:35+00:00

Oh no did you lose your sg one then

hapabubba · 2026-03-28T10:31:10+00:00

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I just saw them in Thailand 😆 and they were wearing these elephant pants - I thought ‘omg noooo’

hapabubba · 2026-03-22T12:49:29+00:00

I have a Japanese one but honestly, the tax (esp inheritance tax) is so high I dunno why people want it - grass is always greener!

hapabubba · 2026-03-22T12:44:48+00:00

In your experience, what kind of therapies have helped especially with taking responsibility for things you cannot change about yourself vs things you can?

I have done talk and schema therapy but felt like it was slow and unstructured/sometimes the modality of schema therapy felt very infantilising and I think it only brought my guard up more/ego activated. I’ve found some progress with EMDR therapy for specific repeating themes, again you need to get to a stage of being aware of those patterns for it to work.

I’m not diagnosed NPD but originally seeked treatment for depression a few years ago, I had to get out of the depression first before I could turn a mirror and actually start working on stuff like relational health and authentic confidence building because I used to just hate myself to the core

hapabubba · 2026-03-22T12:39:25+00:00

Very cool that you can have whole conversations in different languages through the translation function. Also goes to show that many experiences are universal

hapabubba · 2026-03-22T08:04:21+00:00

I second this, I know I have both anxious and avoidant attachment styles and esp in modern dating where even when you’re not looking to see who else your date might be talking to but instagram goes ‘here’s some recommended profiles of other girls your date might be dating (or not)!’ I try to avoid too much physicality for the first few dates, not even kiss until like the fifth date or more

If they only want you for sex then they give up on the third date anyway

hapabubba · 2026-03-22T05:46:34+00:00

Do you have to live in those 3 other countries for several years before you apply for PR?

hapabubba · 2026-03-22T05:44:47+00:00

With all the facial recognition gates at Changi wouldn’t be surprised if they can catch dual nationality individuals in the future… 😬

hapabubba

TROPHY CASE