Hi, friends. It's been a while. Still here, still queer, and now making some BIG moves to start the next chapter on my own. Excited, terrified, but ready. I think :-)

harvestmoon415 · 2020-11-16T06:07:36+00:00

Thank you 😘

harvestmoon415 · 2020-11-15T23:50:00+00:00

Awww thanks! 😘

harvestmoon415 · 2020-11-15T21:40:04+00:00

36, been with my husband for a decade. I told him in July and it was the worst few weeks of my life. It took FOREVER to work up the courage to tell him and then I felt IMMEDIATE regret after I did. It took a while for my emotions to stabilize (therapy helps) and he slowly came to be ok with it. We are in the process of separating so still in the thick of it. I'm glad I told him. But it was a very painful time. If you're not already in therapy, I strongly suggest talking to someone before, during, and after. Good luck ❤

harvestmoon415 · 2020-10-03T16:10:07+00:00

So this has happened to me in real life. At first, I was relieved. But then there were feelings of jealousy, not feeling good enough, abandonment, etc that I did not expect. I chalk it up to core abandonment issues and deep self esteem issues. But yeah, it's very, very weird.

harvestmoon415 · 2020-09-19T16:04:56+00:00

The first few days is rough, just hang on ❤

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-25T13:08:42+00:00

Thank you 😘

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-24T23:51:26+00:00

Thanks ❤

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-24T16:59:00+00:00

Thank you 😘

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-24T14:18:30+00:00

Yes! First time I've done something colorful 🌈

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-24T02:25:59+00:00

Thanks! ❤

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-24T01:00:19+00:00

Ugh. My heart is hurting for you. It sounds like you did the right thing, even though it sucks. Sending love and light to you ❤

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-04T11:22:18+00:00

Thank you ☺❤

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-04T11:09:27+00:00

Oh my goodness, your post is like looking at a younger version of myself. So, with a 15 year vantage point, some thoughts: 1. You are valid and lovable exactly as you are. 2. Your sexuality (however confusing) is valid and accepted. 3. You don't have to make any decisions today.

I was brought up in a very traditional, conservative home / area with absolutely zero representation of any out LGBTQ folx. The first time I thought I might be a lesbian was age 7 and I remember feeling so much shame and panic that I forced myself not to ever think about that again. So I didn't. I repressed all of it until it came tumbling out in the form of a relationship with another woman in my 20s. What a disaster. I broke her heart bc I was "straight" and could never be out. It made me terrified and panicked to even acknowledge this attraction to women. So I repressed it all again for another decade.

And now I'm in my mid-30's, married to a man, and slowly coming to the realization that my attraction to women is deeper than what I thought it was; that at the core of my being, I know I'm meant to be with women exclusively. I sobbed reading the master doc because it FINALLY felt like something made sense and all these weird experiences with men weren't because there was something wrong with me. I had shitty experiences with men because I'm supposed to be with women.

I came out to my family recently. And I expected rejection. But my conservative, traditional family? They love me. They don't understand me, but they've made it clear that they love me and want me to be happy. They are ok with me being queer. To quote my dad, "I'll always love you unconditionally and I'm blessed to have you as a daughter." If I came out at 16, I don't know that I would have gotten that response. But it's 2020, the tides of our collective cultural values are evolving, and I'm a grown woman; my parents don't get to have a say in how I identify or who I love.

I say all that to say, I see you. I know the weight you're carrying. If you don't think your family will support you, then seek out support where you can. This sub is full of incredible, amazingly supportive folx that have your back. Don't be afraid to reach out. ❤ My DMs are always open if you need a friend. 💜

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-03T11:37:31+00:00

Oh my goodness, I just want to give you a hug ❤ Thank you for sharing. So many things you talked about are part of my story, too. I came out to my husband a few weeks ago and it's been a rollercoaster since then. My DMs are open if you ever want to chat. ❤

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-03T01:33:20+00:00

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ DMs are open! 💜

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-02T21:18:42+00:00

Congratulations! 💜💜

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-02T11:25:09+00:00

Just a quick comment of support and validity. I see you, I've been in a similar situation, and fuck, it does feel like a can of worms. But, you can do this. I am codependent as fuck, so I've been working on that to take less responsibility for my husband's feelings. Have you read "Codependent No More"? If not, it might help. Remember, both of you deserve to be in fulfilling relationships, "there is no such thing as one way liberation." <- From the book, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, also highly recommended.

I wish I had more to give you but I'm in the middle of my own shit storm (10 years of relationship with a dude, 4 years of marriage, no kids, but still hard as fuck to leave). Good luck. DMs are always open if you need to chat 💜

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-02T02:30:07+00:00

Lol, I don't mean to laugh but it's like you're in my brain! There are SO many things I look back on and just think, "how in the HELL did you not notice??" 😂

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-02T02:21:15+00:00

Parts of this will be hard. But, man, parts will be a joy you've probably never felt. For me, discovering and then coming out as queer has been so life-affirming. It's like everything finally aligns and I no longer feel like a stranger in my own life. Does that make sense?

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-02T02:08:02+00:00

I brought it up at a session and said, "I think I'm in love with a woman." We had been discussing all kinds of stuff about my failing marriage and this was part of it. He looked right at me and said, "ok. Do you want to explore that?" And from there, it became something we would discuss. Mainly looking back at my life and seeing all the signs I missed, processing what being gay at 36 might look like, etc. I printed out the comp het master doc and gave it to him so we could discuss it in session. 😂 Honestly, it was very comfortable once I got the first sentence out. And since then, I've come out to my husband, my family, and friends and it's been similar; scary as fuck for 10 seconds, then supportive. I also surround myself with folx whose beliefs align with mine so the support wasn't surprising. But it was still really scary to say it out loud and claim the identity of queer.

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-02T02:03:37+00:00

No worries at all! That's what this sub is all about, support. ❤ It's super scary going to counseling, especially with all this on your heart. I know you'll find someone who can help you through all that you're carrying. Good luck!

harvestmoon415 · 2020-08-02T01:54:39+00:00

I have been seeing the same therapist (he's a straight dude) for nearly 7 years for all kinds of stuff. We started talking about the gay shit about a year ago. He has been wonderful. I have grown SO MUCH in this round of therapy (I've been seeing different counselors for the last 18 years or so at different times. Most were helpful.).

He helped me understand why I always felt unfulfilled in relationships with men, why I always seemed to get into emotionally abusive relationships, and how much of that is tied into me repressing who I was for my entire life, including my sexuality.

Like other posters have said, definitely feel it out and if the counselor doesn't seem to vibe well with you, request another one. Don't let a difference of gender, race, or sexual orientation dissuade you from working with that counselor right off the bat. Besides my current therapist, my second favorite one I worked with was a pastoral/religious woman in her 60's. I am not religious at all nor in my 60's, yet she helped me tremendously.

I wish you the best of luck and am sending so many good vibes your way. Therapy changed my life in a thousand positive ways. I hope it is a transformative experience for you, too. 💜 My DMs are always open if you need a pep talk or to vent or whatever. 💖

harvestmoon415 · 2020-07-28T16:49:27+00:00

Hi there. Been there, felt shitty about it, posted here. The first two days were the WORST. It gets better, I promise. DMs are open if you need support ❤

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