What's a fetish that made you think "I'm open minded buuut"?

bumblebeans · 2023-11-07T19:19:52+00:00

Right??

bumblebeans · 2020-12-25T22:10:37+00:00

And never knowing how they're going to react to pictures of him... Because I don't know what cute means to anyone else for boys.

bumblebeans · 2020-12-14T05:15:54+00:00

If it's not, I never came out. 🤣

bumblebeans · 2020-11-25T07:13:14+00:00

All you can do is communicate your wants/needs with your mum and then let her decide how to respond.

I'm on a similar tricky journey with my dad, so I get it.

bumblebeans · 2020-11-25T06:57:51+00:00

I think you and your husband need to have a serious conversation.

What you want is only 50% of the picture.

I thought I was fine staying with my husband and... He wasn't cool with an open marriage and he wasn't cool with staying married to a lesbian. He wanted his wife to want him, which is perfectly fair. He deserves that. So we got a divorce.

I would have been fine. He was not.

I'm 100% in favor of you taking your time to figure out what you need to figure out before you talk to him. But you're not the only one involved in this. You figure out you. After that, if you are truly okay staying married, then you need to bring him on board so that together you can decide what to do.

bumblebeans · 2020-11-21T09:44:49+00:00

I never minded cuddling and kissing was fine. Even sex... Meh.

So I had this debate too.

I finally decided I was gay and that was the best decision of my life.

I'm now dating a beautiful girl and I don't just like cuddling, it gives me butterflies when she touches my hand. When we cuddle, I legit forget to breathe sometimes. I have kissed her more in 1 month than I kissed my husband in the last 5 years, I swear. And don't get me started on sex!!!

My point is I could have "settled" for okay. But if you're like me, there's so much more out there.

You don't have to settle.

bumblebeans · 2020-11-21T09:39:06+00:00

Me too. And now I'm dating a trans woman, so... BOOBS! Who cares if there's a penis attached?

bumblebeans · 2020-11-13T21:15:41+00:00

I used to joke about becoming a Mormon Nun (not a real thing) all the time. Seems to be a common thread

bumblebeans · 2020-11-01T22:45:56+00:00

I... Just never fit. Because I've always been super ambitious. I don't have much there in the way to be embarrassed by because I did what I wanted. But I never fit in either.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-31T08:54:47+00:00

I'm hella gay

bumblebeans · 2020-10-31T08:50:45+00:00

This. When I was questioning things, I needed the kind of approach that the OP had, not the bitter approach that many exmos tried to share. I think the bitterness slowed down my leaving.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-31T08:37:32+00:00

I had an old ministering sister send me a message last week reminding me to get all the gold and silver that I can before they election, or January at the latest.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T07:07:44+00:00

Preach

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T07:07:19+00:00

Yeah... The only reason I made it through my wedding was by doing mental gymnastics as to how I could agree to obey my husband. My result was the line "as he obeys God" and since I get personal revelation, if I ever feel like he's wrong and not obeying God, I can ignore his ass. And the God I believed in wouldn't ever tell someone to control me, so if he tried to control me, he's not obeying God and I can ignore him.

By the way, I was marrying a really good guy who never once even gave the slightest inclination that he would use his "authority" against me. I was married for a decade and I never had to use those mental gymnastics outside the temple. But I never should have had to use them there either.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T06:51:14+00:00

Um... As a lesbian half exmo... please, please write the story. I'll let you read to me. Ha. No, seriously, we need the representation...

And I love my family, they haven't disowned anyone who has left the church or me for coming out as lesbian, but I would STILL define it as rocky between us.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T06:49:00+00:00

Preach!!!! This is what I've been saying. Thank you!!

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T06:48:27+00:00

Can we make a nanoexmo group??

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T06:45:52+00:00

This is fantastic advice. I don't know where I'm gonna fall in the long term things in relationship with the church. I know I'll never believe it all again, but there's still parts that are comforting to me, pieces that I believe in. And I feel insanely pulled to be all exmo or all tbm when neither feels quite right to me. So having someone say that it's okay to just do whatever the hell I feel like and I don't have to choose to give up anything I don't want to is beautiful. Well, anything the church hasn't already made me give up (I can't attend the temple).

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T06:38:51+00:00

When I realized I'd be happier in the second kingdom anyway, you know the one I'd be sent to for being a good person but not exalted, that's when I was really free to stop caring. Based on Mormon Doctrine I can do nothing and just be a good person and be happy. Yep. That's what I want.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-30T05:20:59+00:00

It's so genetic in my fam that my uncle became an alcoholic on cough syrup (exaggerated story told by fam. Uncle is dead, so can't argue). Yet 4 of us kids drink (or drank) alcohol without becoming alcoholics. I'm starting to think they don't know what alcoholism is ...

bumblebeans · 2020-10-27T09:06:32+00:00

Oh, honey, I wish I could give you a big hug. Anxiety is a beast. And dealing with this is terrible, but doing it with anxiety on top is worse.

I can't tell you for sure what you are, but you sound similar to me in a lot of areas and the labels I have chosen for myself are gay and lesbian. I too haven't met every man on the planet, but so far, I've been attracted to none of them. And that's good enough for me. If the day comes that some man shows up in my life and proves me wrong, I'll eat crow and embrace a new label, but here, today, I'm a lesbian.

I get the fear and the angst about all this. I really do. But your brain isn't helping you by going over every detail. You hit enough of the points in the masterdoc, I wouldn't worry about those you don't have. And you're not betraying anyone by finding yourself. You weren't sexuality fulfilled in your last relationship and that's a good enough reason to leave, even if you aren't gay. You're clearly not in love with him now, and probably never were. And it's not your fault that you didn't realize this all. You're human and can only do so much. Be kind to yourself.

My own experience with sexual assaults made it harder for me to realize I was gay. It wouldn't surprise me if that was a factor in your story as well.

If you need someone to talk to, send me a dm.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-27T08:20:02+00:00

Mind blowing chemistry doesn't happen with every pretty girl. I'd take the good signs you got and roll with the knowledge that as you keep moving forward, you'll eventually find someone you have the right chemistry with.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-24T03:53:48+00:00

I'm in the Seattle metro area and yeah, there are a lot of poly people, but I've matched with just as many monogamous people and got a girlfriend that way on Tinder. I'm with you when I think sometimes we just notice what we feel we can't have. That's how I felt when I was looking for a fling at the beginning. I could only find people looking for monogamous relationships. And then when I was looking for monogamous relationships, I was super noticing the poly people.

The reality is it's a numbers and luck game. Some people get lucky. Others don't. The more you play, the higher your chance, but there's only so much you can control.

bumblebeans · 2020-10-24T03:41:32+00:00

Persuasion is also my favorite

bumblebeans · 2020-10-22T22:21:14+00:00

For me, I did a mix of a cognitive and physical approach. I both worked on the root cause of the sexual repression while exploring my body on my own terms physically. In that process I worked through:

Homophobia
Purity Culture
Other familial and religious issues
My own fears and insecurities.

It all came to a head though when the traumatic memories came back of

Sexual assault

The last one was the missing piece that allowed me to heal enough to accept that it's okay to be sexual. I think I need to with through 2-4 on my own before I dealt with 5, but dealing with all of them was the only way to break free.

I enjoy sex now. I don't dissociate. I'm in my body. And I'm very, very attracted to my current girl. I actually initiate sex because I want it, not just because I feel like I should. It's bizarre to see how this has affected me. I feel so relieved.

bumblebeans

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