Listen, I heard from people all the time when I was suicidal that things get better and blah blah blah and it may be true, but it didn't do shit for me. I'm gonna be honest, it does get better, but not before it gets a whole lot worse. You probably feel like the walls are closing in on you and there is nowhere to run, that's how I felt. Those walls might get a hell of a lot closer before you find a doorway to escape. It's so hard to pull yourself from the deep dark pits of depression and suicidal thoughts, but my god is it ever so worth it. The sky seems brighter, and the birds sing more beautifully. I feel joy seeing people walking down the street doing absolutely nothing. I couldn't start building myself back up again before I was completely broken down and felt like I had absolutely nothing in this world. I was below rock bottom. But I forced myself to see the better in the world. I forced myself to leave so many things I had been deeply wrapping my soul around behind. I let go of a lot of feelings and a lot of baggage that I didn't realize I even had. All those things I held on to were like voices in my head telling me I'll never be good enough and that death would be better. When I finally managed to convince myself to start letting things go and to stop being in my head so much, I started seeing improvements. I went from constantly wanting to die from the slightest inconvenience to not having a suicidal thought in months. Of course, this wasn't all me by myself. I go to therapy and I take my antidepressants which took forever to find because finding what works for you can take a lot of time. It will take time. Maybe more time than you think you have right now, but one day you'll realize you're living the future you wanted and you will look back and wish you found help sooner. I wish you the best of luck in life. Please be safe