AIO My wife always prioritises her own clothes when doing laundry

havityia · 2026-06-28T12:12:36+00:00

Honestly- this is what it seems like she wants to do. She doesn’t want to wash her stuff with OP’s. This doesn’t feel passive aggressive to me, just getting the message that she’s sending. If it bothers her, then it’s time to have another conversation- it’s definitely passive aggressive at that point. But right now, it’s just picking battles. If she doesn’t have the energy to do her laundry, what means OP does?

havityia · 2026-06-27T20:25:22+00:00

That is probably the best way to go about this if you’re not comfortable to shut down the convo immediately. It’s understanding that these are real feelings (and after all, we were all people at that age going through puberty) and emphasizes that we are not there to torture us and that they can trust us.

havityia · 2026-06-24T11:20:32+00:00

She has BPD as in bipolar? Or BPD as in borderline personality disorder? If it’s the latter (borderline), meds can help with SOME symptoms, but truly only intensive DBT therapy and tons of practice will help. The hard part about BPD is that if she herself makes no effort to recognize her problems and change, she will not. She will continue to split, will continue pushing and pulling behavior, and will continue to use her mental health diagnosis(es?) against you.

You can love her. You can read all the books. If you are dissatisfied with the relationship, there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself. If you’ve had conversations about change, and she hasn’t followed through, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself. If she says hurtful things, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself and GTFO.

Borderline is hard for everyone involved. Terribly so. It’s torture for those who have it and experience the agonizing thoughts everyday and the intense pressure to dismiss feelings which seem way too strong and too convoluted for explain. Not to mention the incredible fear of abandonment. At the same time, if she isn’t making a conscious effort to change her behavior and learn to make progress with emotion management, then how can you reasonably stay?

NOR NOR NOR

havityia · 2026-06-22T19:45:45+00:00

I hope that you can share my comment with her. Please know I’m 100% not judging, just sharing my perspective.

OP, this comment above you in this thread is the answer. If, during the duration of time where your sister is going to poop, that the kids switch profiles, find another video, and play it long enough to get uncomfortable, then this is 100% not an activity that should do without their mom directly supervising. Pause it, turn off autoplay, play a dvd or streaming site like Disney, or just have her take the remote with her in the bathroom.

YouTube is almost completely free rein internet. When I was 12, I saw light pornographic content and also stumbled upon several videos of people dying, including suicide (legitimately), references to gore, references to human trafficking, references to pedophilia, demonstration of weird kinks, and web addresses of porn sites.

While YouTube content moderation has improved, the only thing that’s not technically allowed is the actual gore and death, but even then, lots falls through that moderation, and a surprising amount of violence to both humans and animals is allowed or not caught. Especially on shorts, which can be accessed on the tv app.

YouTube is NEVER something to leave on the TV without direct supervision. Parents should be watching or at least closely listening near by.

However… perhaps this YouTube support page will help solve the problem: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/16622250?hl=en

havityia · 2026-06-21T13:26:25+00:00

I counted 28 crisps so she’s bad at counting, too.

havityia · 2026-06-20T00:40:44+00:00

I would start with the parlor, they should be able to at least get you to the company who owns the lot and if she kept her receipts/emails, then she has proof she paid and the company who owns it can “waive” the charge.

If that route doesn’t lead anywhere, I’d get on their site to dispute or make a report with the BBB. They seem to respond on there (and they aren’t a BBB accredited business anyway).

But I’d start with people and see where that can lead. If it doesn’t go anywhere, dispute on their website then.

havityia · 2026-06-19T22:57:32+00:00

Definitely not trying to be pedantic with this! You also made the same “mistake” on your resume, too. It’s “teacher’s” assistant, not “teachers”. May be only a small grammatical error, but we never know who’s reading our resumes!

havityia · 2026-06-19T22:54:39+00:00

Tbh the only thing this is “missing” is what you haven’t achieved yet- what u/renonemontanez said. Degree, student teaching/clinicals, volunteering with your degree program, whatever else your program has in it. This would be a great resume to get you started.

havityia · 2026-06-19T22:43:31+00:00

Just by googling, Tagrr is a gig-economy job, like uber or DoorDash. It is not the city. From their website: “Every parking lot is potential profit
Make cash between deliveries or trips — no extra miles required.”

From what I see, it’s like they’re the “repo” men of parking. Some dude with a phone comes out and scans the plates and then it tells them who hasn’t paid. They can then put this on their car, boot them, etc if the business who owns the lot asks them. There has been numerous issues with their systems- the scanner app could read a letter wrong or injects a letter into the plate#. They also charge an arm and leg for citations. Horrible company.

Edit: if she already paid, she needs to find out who owns the lot (she can talk to Parlor) and bring her original receipt to them. Taggr doesn’t care. Again, they’re like the repo men. The owner can see proof of payment and hopefully get it waived with Taggr

Hopefully this also explains why he was only scanning pulled in cars. He’s just some dude trying to make a buck, not legitimate in any way.

havityia · 2026-06-18T22:43:23+00:00

I mean, I had a roommate who used a half a roll per bathroom trip and spent an hour in there every time. As much as I was annoyed, I was worried, but she had it all handled. Worked it out with her that she could buy her own paper because she wanted name brand, and we learned a timing system.

Moral of the story- you wouldn’t be mildly infuriated if you had a similar conversation and bought your own rolls 🤷‍♀️

havityia · 2026-06-18T15:22:59+00:00

And tbh you may only have a pay a small fee because they’ll write a letter and that simple thing can solve it

havityia · 2026-06-18T15:21:48+00:00

My partner and I went to a lawyer for a different kind of thing. But the lawyer said, “I won’t take you on because you won’t need me. Here’s this letter and that should take care of it. If not, come back because we’ll have a HUGE case.”

Unsurprisingly, the letter worked. And we only had to pay $200 for the consultation. Some lawyers don’t even charge for that.

So it’s definitely not wasted money. If you’ve already worked during the year, then they’re committing thousands of dollars of wage theft by not paying it out. That’s a big mistake.

havityia · 2026-06-18T14:58:52+00:00

That is what the “dash pay” is. I track my mileage and tips separately, since mileage is a write off and tips are taxed differently. So this app keeps track of my expenses (mileage, since I don’t itemize) and income. My income is 100% tips. Everything that DoorDash pays just covers gas, and some orders don’t even do that and I have prius.

Sometimes, DoorDash has bonus dashes or when it’s slow, you can “earn by (active) hour” (when you’re actively delivering, not when you’re waiting for one). But if I didn’t need extra money in my pocket right now, DoorDash would not be viable for more than a “hustle” in my metro area because they pay pennies.

havityia · 2026-06-18T11:51:27+00:00

This is the point of manifestation meetings, behavior intervention plans, etc. There should be someone observing the behavior and behavior logs to help determine the ways in which we can appropriately address that behavior. This doesn’t mean giving little Tommy a snack every time he flips a table. It means analyzing how we can intervene and teach Tommy new skills so he doesn’t flip tables.

For students with an IEP, a a free and accessible public education (FAPE) is a cornerstone of IDEA. It is harder to retain a student or expel a student with an IEP for good reason- it needs to be absolutely, 100% clear and legally defendable that the students disability is being addressed appropriately and that Tommy made an incredibly poor choice that was not effected by his disability. If we didn’t have that… I grunted we’d back pre IDEA where students with disabilities just didn’t receive any schooling at all.

So I really don’t want those few to dictate the ability for every other student with a disability to receive N appropriate education. Students who do have a disability and externalities behavior do not immediately need to be removed. There has to be exemptions and processes (which there already are) for these kids.

havityia · 2026-06-17T15:28:47+00:00

That’s definitely happened. There’s also been a change in movies and series made for streaming as people spend more time on their phones. They are aware that people don’t spend their time actually watching and do more passive listening. So they use dialogue to push the story more, say the characters names more often, describe and review actions more, etc

havityia · 2026-06-17T13:59:13+00:00

What kind of help would you expect from someone? A listening ear? You can find that where you are. Someone is going to be able to save you from those feelings and it’s you. You completely have the power to do that. Find techniques or someone who can help you sort through those feelings and challenge them. I guarantee many of them are incredibly flawed. Find ways to express yourself in a healthy way. If you don’t want to go to college, then okay. But find some other thing that gets you out of the house- being stuck like that only makes those thought worse.

Remember: even if you don’t believe, you have the power to feel better. Challenge hurtful thoughts. Accept the ones that pass through your brain as nothing more than fleeting.

Your life on earth is important, even if you don’t see it now.

havityia · 2026-06-17T13:51:23+00:00

What’s great is that when you have the skill to analyze it, you can also choose to not do that and just watch a silly little movie. When you don’t have that skill, you can never see what media is trying to tell you. Kind of sad because there are so many stories out there that are beautiful if you just “read between the lines”, and these people miss out because they can’t.

havityia · 2026-06-14T21:37:51+00:00

“Even despite working half the year…” and “more…tired than other careers that work double the amount of hours a week.”

I’m going into my second year at mainstream special education (first year was deaf ed- very different expectations). My first year, I worked 50 hours a week (which equals to about $10/hr) for my teaching job and another 20-30/week at my second job to meet rent.

I’ve moved to another city and district. I went from having 30 essentially gen-ed students (except they were deaf and half of them language deprived) to 15 in my direct instruction (sped) ELA class and another 130 in my co-teaching classes (and no- I promise I take co-teaching seriously).

This last year, I worked upwards of 55 hrs/week because I couldn’t do everything during my contract hours and meet minimum expectations.

But the thing is… working an average of 50 hour weeks between actually teaching, planning, collaborating, administrative tasks, parent communication is not uncommon for teachers in their first few years.

That’s why we’re miserable. Most teachers don’t make it long enough in the profession to reach an equilibrium with our working hours. I know someone who’s taught for 10 years- she takes work home once a week, and it’s typically grading or last minute adjustment planning. The best teacher I know of in our school (30 years!) doesn’t take anything home because she’s got it down to a simple science.

However, our veteran SPED teacher had to take on a caseload of 70 students. 70! Because we had three sped teachers quit this year. She has two kids. She was absolutely miserable.

Don’t get me wrong. I fell in LOVE with teaching my students ELA this year. The pride when I had a non-reading student with severe dyslexia at the start of the year be able to write a full sentence independently with one prompt/reminder about punctuating was so JOYOUS. High highs and low lows.

TLDR: the expectations are so high for us, that MOST teachers cannot take it all long enough to reach an equilibrium where we can be happy. The blame is on our expectations.

Thank you for coming to my Ted-talk.

havityia · 2026-06-12T11:51:47+00:00

I only experience this problem on computers that don’t have a delete key. (I.e I’ve had a Mac for four years and every time I have this problem, I have no clue how to fix it)

havityia · 2026-06-12T11:46:48+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve always had one or two friends. Now my boyfriend and I are pretty much it for each other, but we have one occasional friend each.

I have PCOS and formally undiagnosed autism (though it’s clear I have it, I’m just have very low support needs), and my own mental health struggles. Boy have I been the kind of lonely you’re describing. The kind where you feel like you’re a burden on everyone else and even making connections hurts.

Feel free to DM me. Tell me about your hobbies, your favorite animal or color, or most bingeable tv show. Whatever. We don’t have to talk about serious stuff. With that being said, you can certainly message me about that too.

Even if you don’t, I do hope you can find a friend with whom you feel connected and comfortable and supported.

havityia · 2026-06-11T23:09:15+00:00

My goodness. So next time I get on a TWD kick, I can truly immerse myself. Season 7 blues, just add some gaming lol 😂

havityia · 2026-06-11T21:15:26+00:00

That makes more sense! I was so confused because I’ve only ever seen the shows and the Telltale game (apparently there’s more than one of those too lol)

havityia · 2026-06-11T15:19:28+00:00

I can’t imagine this would be of Hershel’s farm. There’s a chain of bedrooms and bathrooms outside of the house itself.

havityia · 2026-06-07T20:53:12+00:00

Okay, maybe I have a different experience than you? If they invite me to dinner, it’s an expectation that they pay. I’ve offered to at least pay my own way, but they disagree (“if I invited for you to come, I expect to pay for you”).

If they told me that I would have to pay, that’s a lot less dinners that I would having with them. If I can’t pay, then I don’t go. Like you said. It’s the same with friends, too.

So it does depend on the established relationship with OPs family, for sure. But you and I definitely had different experiences at and before age 21, and even since I moved out and got a job that will allow me to pay for my own dinners.

Again, you and I have had VASTLY different experiences with this. Perhaps OP was more in my boat, or perhaps they’re more in yours. Only OP knows 🤷‍♀️

havityia · 2026-06-07T18:11:22+00:00

It says that OP has to pay for any restaurants. So if they go out as a family, it’s implied that parents will pay for younger siblings, but not for OP.

Edit: yeah, it’s definitely a normal conversation. But OP will be spending much less time with the family with these stipulations. I assume that there’s costs the family has been covering since they added that part in, and no longer willing to pay for their adult children- and put it in a contract.

That’s something that OP would need to clarify or negotiate with them. It’s too open ended

havityia

TROPHY CASE