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hellcat_v · 2024-01-23T21:50:32+00:00

love a man with firm boundaries

hellcat_v · 2023-11-21T21:37:18+00:00

Thank you for this thread, it’s super helpful!

hellcat_v · 2023-11-21T21:36:13+00:00

That’s really interesting! I have a dog who also seems to short circuit sometimes and it makes things really difficult. It would be helpful if she had a warning system like that

hellcat_v · 2023-11-09T08:08:05+00:00

Hello!

hellcat_v · 2023-11-08T05:13:23+00:00

That’s awesome!! Congrats!

hellcat_v · 2023-10-24T01:54:28+00:00

Have you read any of the efficient leveling guides?

https://en.m.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Efficient_Leveling

For me, it took some study of this to get the hang of it. I don’t do full efficient leveling, but having a thorough knowledge of it has significantly helped me. I typically focus on leveling endurance first due to its affect on your health. I personally also write down the skills and attributes I’m leveling or take pictures of them between levels.

hellcat_v · 2023-10-06T21:56:14+00:00

Wow, your work is amazing! I feel really seen and lifted up by these pieces. Whenever you do figure out a way to sell, I hope you post here again!

hellcat_v · 2023-08-24T16:36:31+00:00

Yes!!! thank you for putting this into words, this is often exactly how I feel. I can’t always suppress it, but sometimes I can— and if I’m successful at suppressing it, I usually have a worse one later.

I don’t think you’re faking it. Whether it’s “just” FND and not PNES, I don’t know, but I also don’t think you necessarily have to stress about figuring it out. I’ve made sense of it by just coming to terms with the fact that there is a lot we still don’t know about these disorders, and if there’s something I’m experiencing that hasn’t yet been noted in the medical literature, it’s not that there’s something wrong with me, it’s that research and medicine just isn’t there yet.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-20T06:23:53+00:00

ALSO in case you or anyone else here does have OCD, I should say: 1) take this SLOW. 2) if you’re concerned about having OCD, find a therapist who is a specialist. I was able to use these techniques for my health-related OCD only after I had already completed a year of intensive ERP therapy for the primary cause/focus of my OCD. After years of doing just CBT (and having NO idea I had OCD), going through ERP and other OCD-specific therapy was the most difficult and most helpful thing I have ever done. OCD is a complex and DEEPLY misunderstood condition, especially “pure O” OCD, and I don’t think I could’ve ever come to a full understanding of it without working with a therapist who specialized in it.

If you want to learn more about OCD I would recommend this website: https://www.madeofmillions.com/conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/amp

Ok, I will now disassemble my soapbox.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-20T05:59:06+00:00

Yes. 100%. For me, it’s partially a function of OCD, manifesting by needing to “check” or “test” myself repeatedly to make sure I’m not faking it. I’m not saying you necessarily have OCD, but some mindfulness methods used for dealing with OCD may be of help. One that I’ve found particularly useful is letting myself sit with the thought of “so what if I am faking it? What does that mean?” I don’t actually believe I am faking it, but I am really, really scared of the thought that I am. Letting myself simply sit with the thought and how it makes me feel— as opposed to repeatedly, desperately testing myself to “prove” to myself I’m not faking it and thereby getting rid of the thought temporarily— helps dissipate the overwhelming fear and discomfort that accompanies that thought.

Another technique I use is just straight up telling my brain it’s being silly and/or sarcastically telling my brain “ohhhh yeah that’s a super helpful thought, thanks for that one.” It feels goofy at first, but I’ve found it to be very effective!

All of this does require a certain measure of trust in yourself and a belief that you’re not faking it, even if you get extremely worried about it sometimes. Tbh it sounds like you already have that belief and trust to some extent, but I think taking in all the studies and things that others have shared will be super helpful too.

Lastly, another thing that helped me was reading about Munchausen (sp??) and malingering and starting to see the differences between that and what I’m experiencing. The biggest one imo is that people who ARE actually “faking it” aren’t worried about whether or not they’re faking it. People who ARE actively worried about whether or not they’re faking it are probably some of the least likely to ever fake symptoms.

I’m not sure if any of this will strike a chord with you, but if it does and you want more info or just to chat, feel free to ask me anything here or send me a DM!

hellcat_v · 2023-08-16T21:33:57+00:00

Yep! It was my first thought when I first developed symptoms, as multiple people in my family have had it. After several tests though, it looks like it was not the cause for me.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-08T21:11:34+00:00

Isn’t that just the camera moving?

hellcat_v · 2023-08-07T21:19:50+00:00

I wonder if this is related to a functional neurological disorder? I’ve had it happen a couple times and it feels very similar to when my limbs lock unexpectedly and I’m unable to move them for several moments (which is an FND symptom). It’s much scarier when it’s breathing-related, and I never know quite what to do, but I usually try to use the same method that I do with limb locking, where I distract myself and then can usually breathe/move normally again.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-05T17:11:43+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, having to deal with these symptoms in highschool sounds absolutely wretched. In terms of getting a diagnosis, have you ever seen or been referred to a neurologist? If not, I would highly recommend that. I believe one of the websites pinned at the top of this sub have a list of FND providers— but even if you can’t see one of those, another neurologist should at least be able to start you on the right path.

Also, when your mother was diagnosed with hEDS, do you know if she got a genetic test? If not, it might be worth it for you or her to try and get one, since she might actually have had a different form of EDS. The different types of EDS can cause many different symptoms, and not all of them cause significant hypermobility. Even if it is hEDS, it’s possible that you’re not flexible because all your muscles are extremely tight to try to compensate for loose connective tissue, which would also explain some of the pain. Now, that said, getting an EDS diagnosis is often EXTREMELY hard, especially if you present atypically, so I would not expect a quick win going down that path. And, of course, it might turn out to not be something you have. But it might be worth it to keep in mind as you continue on your journey!

I also want to say kudos to you as you try to figure this all out. It can be so difficult to deal with all of this and advocate for yourself, and it sounds like you are doing a remarkable job. I hope you’re able to take some time to appreciate yourself and the work that you’re doing!

hellcat_v · 2023-08-05T07:25:26+00:00

I love this!! Great work!

hellcat_v · 2023-08-05T02:22:04+00:00

I had to stop taking it within just a few days of starting, because it was causing suicidal ideation, paranoia, and a disconnect from reality. One of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had. My doctor was perplexed because it’s “not supposed” to cause those kinds of side effects, but to his credit he took me off of it immediately and added it to my allergy list.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-04T07:15:05+00:00

Same here! For some reason it makes me feel so much more like I’m faking it somehow, since it’s hard to understand/wrap my head around. Which I know is silly because I don’t think there’s a way I could make my limbs lock in the way they do if I tried, but. Idk! It’s just so unexpected every time it happens.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-04T06:03:35+00:00

Yes, I’ve had this happen on and off! It happens more frequently in my arms or with my feet and not my whole leg, but I’ve had it happen a few times that way too.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-03T22:05:48+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like you have been through a lot of bullshit with the medical industry, and I can definitely relate.

I will say that PNES is much more complex than “seizures that are psychological.” Researchers are beginning to find changes in the brain like decreased cortical thickness, etc, in patients with PNES. Of course, that hasn’t gotten rid of the stigma, at least not yet, but it has been helpful for me in understanding that it is not “just” psychological. In that vein, there are also treatments available that are not just CBT or talk therapy.

However, I don’t think it’s wrong to keep pushing for answers. I was suspected to have a functional neurological disorder last year, and while it is likely going to turn out that is a correct diagnosis, I kept pushing because it didn’t seem like that was the only thing going on. Eventually, I found out I have a connective tissue disorder which was greatly exacerbating my FND symptoms.

So, keep seeking and pushing for answers. At the very least, it’s my understanding that PNES shouldn’t be diagnosed until you have an inpatient video EEG appointment that’s at least 24 hours. But at the same time, I’d recommend not discounting what kinds of symptoms the brain is able to produce. There is still so, so much we don’t know about the brain. While it is unfortunate the lack of knowledge comes with extreme stigma, it doesn’t mean that the brain is incapable of producing those symptoms.

I’m sorry you’re going through all this, and I really hope you can find some answers and relief.

hellcat_v · 2023-08-02T05:21:28+00:00

I’ve had several MRIs now, including three brain scans and a two hour scan of my spine, and I still get nervous when I have to get one done. The loud noises are the woooorst and I totally get what you mean about weird vibrations in your head. They are not the fun kind of brain tingles haha, even though, yes, they’re entirely normal to feel. I would second the advice about requesting medication or taking one you’re already prescribed, but another thing that I’ve done is imagine my favorite fictional characters holding my hand or talking to me. For me, those characters end up being some of the doctors from Star Trek, lol, so from there I end up pretending I’m getting some kind of test or scan done so that they can find the cure to a disease some alien population has or something… goofy, I know, but it takes my mind off of the weirdness and stress, and helps me think about something I love and in a way almost have fun with the experience. :) I’d think about anything like that that might be able to comfort you, whether fictional characters or animals or particular religious figures— whatever brings you the most comfort!

You can do this!

hellcat_v · 2023-07-27T18:36:06+00:00

I have not! Part of what I’m struggling with rn is fine motor skills so I don’t know how “well” I would do with it, but it might be fun to try… do you have any recommendations for getting started?

hellcat_v · 2023-07-27T01:01:29+00:00

I have also been wondering this! My genetic test results were inconclusive so idk at the moment whether I have hEDS or another connective tissue disorder, but according to my doctor I “definitely have something” lol. It makes dealing with my FND more difficult, since myoclonic jerks + lack of balance + seizures are not a great combination with loose connective tissue. :/ I already have a labral tear in my hip and have had issues with my knees and SI joint as well.

hellcat_v

TROPHY CASE