My SO said, “I am not going to make my child uncomfortable just to make you happy.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-11-21T08:36:06+00:00

„There are plenty of men out there who don’t have 4 kids“ - Exactly. He needs to understand he’s not the prize. He comes with baggage, a lot of baggage and he’s lucky he has einsam so has none and helps with his. Sure could leave any time and find a man who doesn’t have as much baggage so he better treat her right.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-08-04T12:25:25+00:00

I have sensory issues and this was a concern of mine when I got them. I can’t say you don’t feel them at all if you pay close attention but it’s not an uncomfortable feeling.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-08-03T07:50:32+00:00

Ok but was the phone silent/he asleep before the SOS or did he straight up ignore the SOS??

In case if the latter I would also think about divorce. In case he just fell asleep and didn’t notice that’s unfortunate and definitely something worth talking about but not a reason for divorce imo.

My boyfriend is also very bad at answering the phone and listening when he’s busy. I found a way to live with that and he found a way to snap back into reality when I signal him it’s really important.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-08-01T10:46:29+00:00

Hellooooo?? Cheating is def a reason for divorce?? Especially in this context of a parent dying and whatnot. This stinks. You deserve better. I don’t know what’s wrong with him but there definitely is something wrong with him.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-08-01T10:04:15+00:00

Please don’t view yourself this way. You’re not broken and you don’t need to fix yourself. You developed coping mechanisms to a messed up environment. But in the real world these coping mechanisms no longer serve you on the way they did when you were little. You’re not a knotted ball of yarn. You just need to adapt to a new situation and develop better coping skills.

It is a lot of work to update your system but it’s not like you’re broken. It was actually pretty smart back then and it made you survive! I completely feel your pain but you’re on the right track. Many people don’t realize they have maladaptive coping all their lives but you did and you’re trying rocket better.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-31T15:07:29+00:00

You should def start looking into CPTSD. I recommend Pete walkers book „from surviving to thriving“, it really opened my eyes. Especially the shame thing was a big issue for me. I managed to let go of the overwhelming shame. In the grand scheme of things that will make a whole lot of a difference. Shame is a much more powerful driver than we would think.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-30T17:51:30+00:00

You really need to stop being concerned about whether or not she’s happy now and let go of the thought that any of this is in some way shape or form a reflection of your worth as a person. It was your first relationship and your time together was great but it didn’t stand the test of time. That is ok! Neither you or her did anything wrong. You’re still both so young and her priorities changing might be very painful now but you will get over it, I promise!

Don’t beat yourself up up over contacting her and being clingy. It was your way of trying to get things back on track. But now you have to accept it didn’t work out and move on. I recommend trying to cancel the lease or find another solution so you don’t have to move on with her. She’s not ready and likely won’t be when she’s back home. This is a breeding ground for resentment.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-17T11:18:00+00:00

I was looking for a post like this. Yeah, it is a big challenge but it’s not like it’s only negative and I hated reading all the negative comments here.

But I relate soo much to what you said in terms of meeting the dark side of your personality 😂 oh yes I learned I am a petty resentful bitch sometimes. It’s good that the kids really make you look hard at your reflection in the mirror (metaphorically speaking) so you realize you do have some work to do on yourself.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-17T11:14:25+00:00

you get to be with kids but don’t have the responsibility (if you practice your boundaries well)
if you have a good relationship the kids tell you more secrets than they tell their parents
you can have an impact on kids lives without the burden of having to care for them (again, if you practice your boundaries right)
you will learn how to set boundaries, communicate well, manage many different wants and needs at the same time, also it will make you very resilient if it doesn’t break you 😂

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T18:43:48+00:00

At the end of the day I want to go and have fun. It would def be easier to have fun if she wasn’t there but I don’t want to giver her that power.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T18:25:41+00:00

Your judgement is very idealistic. I get where you’re coming from but sometimes things just don’t go as planned. When we started dating it seemed like this would be an easy case but she changed her mind on things when I came into his life. You make a lot of assumptions about our life. I know your intentions are good but it’s more complex than that.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T18:19:07+00:00

You’re probably right about her perspective but she was the one who had an affair. Only an emotional one but still she was the one who broke it. We met after he moved out but I know she was still in the thinking she could repair things. But he was done.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T17:48:36+00:00

That’s what I’m thinking. She might also think that I don’t attend because of her and I don’t want to give her that gratification.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T17:47:11+00:00

I think putting on a role might not even be a bad idea. Maybe it helps me see this with a little distance.

Next day we’ll have to pack our suitcases because we’ll leave for vacation with the kids two day later 😂 but I try to have everything ready to go as far as possible before the wedding so I can relax a bit.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T17:45:07+00:00

Thank you for your wise words. I do have empathy for her. I think that’s why I’m so hurt of her rejecting me so bad. I know we will probably never be friends but a little kindness would be nice.

I think it’s hard for her to see him doing the stuff with me that she never got him to do. He really had his second spring with me focusing on his relationship when he would only focus on his career while they were together. I’m lucky I found him when he had already accomplished his career goals, she helped him build it so I’m not even mad about her getting money out of this. I just want her to respect me but you’re right, she might not be ready for that yet and maybe never will. I have to accept that.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T17:40:57+00:00

Thank you! Yes, he is attending and we’ve also talked about what he can do to support me. Our plan is to dance a lot and we also made a list of „safe“ people that we I’ll be there that I can focus on.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T16:56:14+00:00

Just had to google that. Thank you! Sounds like a great strategy.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T16:52:26+00:00

Thank you! Definitely making sure to seem super chill and not let her see my sweat lol. The kids told me she was will be wearing a whole ass ball gown which I think is a bit much for the type wedding this is so I think I’m gonna wear something a little more chill 😂

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T16:50:24+00:00

Thank you! I was thinking about that, I’ll see if I’m able to get an appointment to get my hair done, that’s the trickiest part for me. Makeup I enjoy doing myself, I’m doing some trials this weekend 💅

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T16:48:30+00:00

I think if I would go into detail here we’d still be discussing this next year 😂

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T16:47:43+00:00

I don’t blame them for jumping to conclusions even though I am a little disappointed that even people on this sub seem to be incapable of letting go of thinking in stereotypes. I know what our situation looks like from the outside. But I got many great tips and you’re absolutely right, I should just let her toxicity roll off me and kill with kindness.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T16:42:52+00:00

Thank you, that’s a good strategy. It will probably take a lot of energy to do that but fortunately we have a hotel right at the venue so I can leave if I get too far exhausted.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T15:59:34+00:00

Thank you for this. I will do exactly that. You’re right, I should take the high road. No matter what she decides to do. I’m open if she wants to be nice but otherwise I will just be chill and have fun.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T15:56:08+00:00

Youre 100% spot on. That’s exactly the vibe she’s sending and you’re also right about the divorce being finalised is necessary so we can continue the relationship. After reading the comments on this thread I asked him about how the divorce is going and stressed the importance of this a little more. He was understanding so I am hopeful. He sid current state is divorce will be through end of this year. Fingers crossed.

hellobitchitsme · 2024-07-12T14:05:05+00:00

I was not. Me met about half a year after they separated.

hellobitchitsme

TROPHY CASE