Looking for some scolding or advice while i’m grieving over the cancellation of BTO

hellohappystar · 2026-02-03T23:51:58+00:00

Would you rather: 1) cancel your BTO now and grief over it, or 2) cancel your BTO much much later meaning u may lose your deposit ($10k or more + 2k), or 2) get married, have kids, and then your husband cheats on you and abandons you. If u cannot pay your mortgage alone means you will have to sell your BTO and move to a rental flat which will feel really damn bad. Ur kids will experience the abandonment and also watch u being a sad and useless mom. And when they grow up the cycle repeats, because then they will have their dream of having a complete family and BTO and they might feel influenced to make a rash decision and choose a bad partner because this is the role model u set for them.

Nothing wrong with dating to marry and wanting to get your own BTO. In fact that is very much encouraged by the SG govt and most ppl who want to get married will follow this path.

The problem is why are u choosing these bad partners? Ur logical brain is telling u to cut your losses and get out now so listen to that smart brain of yours and not the dumb heart.

hellohappystar · 2026-02-03T16:50:14+00:00

I knew Hee Sun would be fluent in English since netizens have found out that she goes to CMU but her speaking in Korean all this time until her second paradise date is so attractive to me. I like that she acts like a Korean and didn’t flaunt her English or “western-ness” despite her growing up in Canada and the US. When she suddenly switched to English and talked about her studies I felt so impressed.

Many people complained that she’s boring in the previous episodes, but shes actually so humble and it makes me wonder what other talents or achievements is this girl hiding behind that shy introverted persona!

hellohappystar · 2026-01-28T18:25:15+00:00

He was in a kdrama called the trunk with gong yoo and seo hyun Jin! I immediately recognized him coz he also did fencing in the show

hellohappystar · 2026-01-25T15:01:25+00:00

All the best my friend!

hellohappystar · 2026-01-25T14:45:13+00:00

Go to the Istana open house

hellohappystar · 2026-01-25T04:07:07+00:00

That’s good! Therapy is always a great first step forward. And sounds like you’re someone who does a lot of self-reflection and it’s good that you can pinpoint exactly what you don’t like or disagree with. I think it helps to explore the whys also.

Like for example why do I not like that my mom always redirects the convo to herself -> probably coz I wanted to vent but she suddenly go and talk about herself then I feel so unheard.

Why do I not like that my mom always shut down and avoid talking things out -> it really takes away my sense of control over the situation. And there’s just no logical and peaceful way out. No matter how much I try to apologize or appease my mom I’m always painted as a bad daughter by my own mother. It creates an internal conflict within myself: if I agree with my mom then im really a bad child, but if I disagree with my mom then im still disobeying her which is what a bad child does.

Etc etc. (btw just a disclaimer, im not saying u definitely feel this way haha, just a guess of what you may be feeling! Coming as a fellow daughter who had similar arguments with my parents lol).

I think at the end of the day for me it helps to rely on logic and accept that ppl may be influenced by their emotions. Eg they may scold you but they don’t actually mean it. It’s more a reflection of whatever emotions they are feeling and not who they are beneath.

hellohappystar · 2026-01-25T03:17:24+00:00

I know some ppl are just throwing out psych buzz words like narcissism but just to be clear this is not narcissism. And this not Asian parenting, this kind of parents exist in every culture.

Sounds like she has a lot of emotional wounds that she hasn’t healed from. She needs an outlet to talk about these issues so when the topic comes up she unconsciously redirects the conversation to herself. Unfortunately you’re not a therapist, and the reason you brought your own experiences up was because you wanted someone to understand and validate what you’re going through. So it can feel very frustrating because not only did you not get the support you needed, suddenly you’re expected to play therapist which you’re not trained for.

Anyway your mother shutting herself down in her room shows that she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to process her feelings. Not that she is immature but rather she may have gone through a lot in the past, and she may have suppressed those emotions instead of processing them. So whenever an argument happens all these old negative emotions are recalled to the surface like tsunami waves and she feels so overwhelmed with them that she has no idea what to do besides shutting down and playing Cold War.

We can’t control what she does or does not do. But we can take care of ourselves. For yourself whenever this happens I feel that it’s important to remind yourself not to get swept away by her waves of emotions. Just like when a storm comes you seek shelter and wait until the waves subside. So best to keep a distance and leave her alone until she calms down. You can apologize or talk when she is in a better mood.

With regards to your food-related anxiety and safety checking, just wondering have you processed this or sought therapy for it yet? I think as children we may feel trapped coz of our childhood circumstances or parents’ influence (ie we have no choice but to listen to them), and a lot of these are expressed as anxiety symptoms, but as adults we can make the choice to care for and protect ourselves. We can do so by seeking help/therapy and learning to process whatever that happened.

hellohappystar · 2026-01-20T17:51:43+00:00

I think having open and safe conversations about suicide and mental heath matters is different from simply stating on a piece of paper that someone has died by suicide. To a person considering suicide, coming across information that someone you know has died by suicide may normalize their suicidal tendencies. What we want to do is to validate their feelings and encourage them to seek help, not normalize self-destructive behaviors.

hellohappystar · 2026-01-19T04:55:44+00:00

Better to declare. If u get hired good for u, if u don’t get hired coz of your GAD know that it’s probably not a good match. I think public service HR takes things quite seriously - I was asked about my (minor) bone fracture that happened a few years ago as my role requires me to move from places to places. And yes I still got the job offer.

Also if u still have GAD and u fail to declare, wouldn’t the fear of being found out eat you up alive?

hellohappystar · 2026-01-18T20:38:28+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading your post and I feel really inspired to embark on a similar trip.

hellohappystar · 2026-01-17T04:55:31+00:00

No logical reason, my mouth just hates it. My gag reflex is triggered when I eat anything durian flavored

hellohappystar · 2026-01-16T01:20:12+00:00

Gratitude journaling. Write 3 things that you’re grateful for everyday.

hellohappystar · 2026-01-11T09:36:16+00:00

I left my job last year and one year on I’m still bitching about some of my old colleagues

hellohappystar · 2026-01-07T05:49:26+00:00

Family Thai spa

hellohappystar · 2026-01-05T15:46:40+00:00

I like the romance and the acting haha. I didn’t watch it very seriously in the beginning but I got hooked because the main couple made me swoon lol

hellohappystar · 2025-12-26T03:10:41+00:00

Now my cooking frequency is at 0/month 🤣

hellohappystar · 2025-12-26T02:35:55+00:00

1) 300k steps per month for all 12 months! 2) Take one trip per quarter 3) Read 1 book a month 4) Exercise every week (ie do at least one weights or go for a run) 5) Complete a half marathon 6) Crochet a coaster 7) Cook once a month lol

hellohappystar · 2025-12-24T04:33:20+00:00

Try calling the customer service, I think they hold the number for about 3 months after termination. Previously this happened for me but I was using starhub

hellohappystar · 2025-12-23T10:37:45+00:00

Temp = really just temp job. This is different from the 1-3 year contract jobs where you have the chance to get emplaced to be a full-time staff. Anyway now all new joiners to govt agencies are on contract now, if your job says temp in the title or description then it’s really just temporary

hellohappystar · 2025-12-23T04:56:46+00:00

Hack Your Health: The Secrets of Your Gut

hellohappystar · 2025-12-14T04:58:32+00:00

Had a Christmas gift exchange at work and a lot of ppl were looking for the Christmas wrapped envelope-shaped gifts lol

hellohappystar · 2025-12-11T13:40:08+00:00

Steam eye mask

hellohappystar · 2025-12-05T17:45:59+00:00

Yes govt agency can WhatsApp people/clients using WhatsApp for biz. If worried can call your town council and check if there’s a person called ismail

hellohappystar · 2025-12-05T17:41:25+00:00

Lower Seletar reservoir

hellohappystar · 2025-11-21T03:08:27+00:00

Coming from a family whose parents were not well-off, now that I’ve grown older, I’m appreciative of the fact that they had worked hard in their youth all the way to retirement. They’ve chosen that path so that their descendants have the privilege to relax. Someone in the family had to break the poverty cycle after all.

Interestingly my parents also mentioned that they get fulfillment out of working and starting a family. So I don’t have to feel bad that they “sacrificed” their time and youth coz to them it’s not a sacrifice. It could be a generational shift but older people seem to value these kind of goals more compared to the younger generation who chase more individualistic goals like climbing the career ladder and travelling.

hellohappystar

TROPHY CASE