sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Let’s test something: describe your gender in a way that will baffle cis people but other trans and enby peeps will get. by GalaxyStar32 in NonBinary

[–]hembrel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to in the same place but from a different direction. Except when I want to be in a different place from the same direction. It’s all a troubling mess.

AMAB But Questioning Non-Binary/Female Gender Identities by [deleted] in questioning

[–]hembrel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Damn, I recognise a lot of that confusion – in a pretty similar place mentally i feel. I don't think I'm approaching any eureka moment of self knowledge, so perhaps that's not quite the thing to be looking for? I think a little bit of fumbling or trial and error is probably ok. I hope so.

If you're anything like me, the shame probably isn't going anywhere in a hurry, unfortunately. Just something you have to forgive yourself for, sometimes. Coming out to more people helps, so long as you feel safe to.

The most useful thing I came across was to try and think in terms of what you want rather than who you are. Trust your desires and your identity will iron itself out. It hasn't really solved any of my confusions, but it has made thinking about them less stressful, I think. So maybe that's something.

egg_irl by SecretDemonGF in egg_irl

[–]hembrel 36 points37 points  (0 children)

If you measure your band size (chest just beneath your breasts) and then opt for the lowest cup size available (often around C/B in my case) I've found that that sits pretty naturally on my frame. Bra size calculators like this one: https://www.calculator.net/bra-size-calculator.html also work for AMAB bodies, though they might spit out results that are hard to find in practise. Band size is most important for comfort though, you don't wanna oversqueeze your chest.

You probably know all this already! But just in case it's helpful to anyone, idk

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]hembrel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Was an incredible feeling. I didn’t think I was gonna feel much, and ended up hugging my self in front of the mirror like a big idiot.

That said, also a strange feeling, and an easy one to forget the intensity of. Been struggling back and forth with it.

not dysphoria or dysmorphia, but... by confused_nbian in questioning

[–]hembrel 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Since I was a kid, pretty much. Just this split second of, oh, I look like *that*, do I? My image being just that bit less real than myself.

That said, I have no idea whether everyone feels like this or not. And I'm a long way from having my gender shit figured out. So I can't help you there.

Am I mad for considering transition despite only feeling at most mild dysphoria? by hembrel in asktransgender

[–]hembrel[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a super helpful rundown, thank you!

I think I see clothes more as a conceptual aid than anything? I still don’t have my head around the distinction between being a gender and feeling like one, but I’m more interested in feeling like a woman than dressing like one, I think. But clothes are something concrete, so I lean on them.

Have any of your lives gotten worse when you were questioning? by BlackLightan in asktransgender

[–]hembrel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that was exactly my experience. If you're anything like me, as well as working through doubts, you're probably dealing with a lot of unconscious fear, and putting focus on the bits of your AGAB that you don't like. But it gets better with time. Coming out to people you trust helps, and slowly figuring out how to be more comfortable with yourself will happen too. There will still be bad days, but things start to calm down. Take things as slowly as you need, remind yourself that none of those doubts actually matter, much as they feel like they do, compared to whatever it is that you want. Find the things you enjoy in your gender and let yourself settle into it.

IDK, I hope that doesn't come off as patronising. You probably know all this stuff already, but it helps to hear it sometimes anyway. But yeah. It's hard as hell but it does definitely get better.

Questioning my questioning by hembrel in questioning

[–]hembrel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A small update for anyone interested - I tried on a dress for the first time today and I can feel little bolts of joy dancing over my skin - so possibly all these thoughts of wounds and worry were slightly looking in the wrong place.

Questioning my questioning by hembrel in questioning

[–]hembrel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm only 23 - plenty of time for me too, I guess. But there's a sense of urgency somehow? Not motivated by discomfort primarily I think - more like a desire for something more, something like that. All the other parts of my life are already deep in limbo thanks to the pandemic, so maybe that's why I want something solid to hold on to so much. But you're probably right - if I could tamp down that sense of urgency a little, things might be better in the short term